Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Midweek (Wo)Man Candy: Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, Arthur Darvill and Alex Kingston

This week's Mancandy is slightly different in that, in honor of Doctor Who having started up again on Saturday, it will feature two hot men and two hot women (a first for our Mancandy). Without further ado, enjoy the hotness that is Matt Smith, Arthur Darvill, Karen Gillan and Alex Kingston.

(From left, Kingston, Darvill, Smith and Gillan)

"Doctor Who," if you haven't seen it, is a super amazing show, and this crop of main characters is especially wonderful.

Matt Smith plays The Doctor, the time-traveling alien now in his eleventh incarnation. Smith is the youngest actor to play The Doctor, and he also has the floppiest hair. He has a manic energy reminiscent of the Tenth Doctor (played by David Tennant) but with a quirky, dark edge. Also, he has the unique ability to be able to rock a bow tie, a fez and a stetson. He's not a beefy hunk like the Ninth Doctor (Christopher Eccleston), nor is he as adorable and twiggy as the Tenth Doctor, but he has a quirky, classic look. And delightful cheekbones.

Karen Gillan plays Amy Pond, a companion of The Doctor. It does not surprise me that Gillan used to be a model, because she is absolutely gorgeous. She's tall and classically beautiful, and she has the most wonderful, beautiful red hair. When we first see her on "Doctor Who," she's wearing a risque police uniform (she's working as a kissogram), and she looks great in the outfit! Gillan does a great job as Amy - she's funny and curious and super, super sassy - and she has an adorable Scottish accent to boot!

Arthur Darvill plays Rory Williams, another companion of The Doctor and Amy's fiance/husband. Darvill is adorable in that "normal guy" way - he's believably good-looking. Rory can be a bit of a passive character at times, but his is also probably the most interesting character because he takes quite a journey to become more heroic. Rory also is an amazingly loyal guy, which also goes a long way to making Darvill quite crush-worthy. The boy also looks good in a Roman soldier outfit and really, what more can you ask for in a guy?

Alex Kingston plays River Song, who ... well, we won't go into that so that people who haven't seen this latest season don't get some major spoilers. She's a pretty mysterious character through most of the series - we know that she is somebody very important to The Doctor, but their shared history/future is a complicated tale we're only starting to unravel. Kingston is also a very beautiful woman, but in a different way from Karen Gillan. She's not a willowy model type, but rather she's a bit more muscular and tough looking. She's really most at home on "Doctor Who" when she's being a bad-ass bitch (although she does have quite a cheeky, whimsical side). And her mess of curly hair is just the icing on the Alex Kingston cake!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

"Dancing With the Stars:" LGBT Edition!

They just announced the cast of "Dancing With the Stars," and it's the same wonderful mix of random celebrities and athletes as always.

But I'm glad, and GLAAD's glad, that ABC has decided to embrace some diversity and have an openly gay man and a transgendered man on the show this season! Talk about a step forward!

Carson Kressley, of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" fame, and Chaz Bono, of "Being Sonny & Cher's Kid" fame, are both set to hoof it on DWTS this season.

First of all, I absolutely love Carson. I did a girly little squeal when he was announced. His segments were always my favorite on "Queer Eye," because he has so much energy and he is clearly passionate about fashion. (Although, I must say, after many hours of watching "Chopped," my all-time favorite of the Fab Five is now Ted Allen.) You can critique "Queer Eye" for stereotyping gay men a bit - not all gay guys are fabulously fashionable like the guys on the show - but it was really an overall positive show that I think helped people accept gay people a little bit more. Also, I hope that he gets to dress himself and his partner on DWTS because he has great taste.

But, really, is anybody going to blink an eye at Carson? Flamboyant, fashionable gay men have been on TV for years. It's always good to have another positive gay role model, but he won't exactly be a surprise to people.

No, the real challenge, the real surprise, the real shock to people has been, and will be, Chaz Bono. I sure don't envy him ... he's going to be THE spokesman for transgenders on TV, because how many other transgendered people do you see on TV? Shows on Logo don't count. I think I remember one other transgendered person on a network show, Isis on "America's Next Top Model" (who is going to be on the show's All-Stars edition this year!). Chaz is practically alone as a transgendered person on network TV. Thankfully he's already dipped his toes into those waters with the documentary about his life and transition from female to male, and he's done the talk show circuit ... but this is a huge show with a huge following. He's an incredibly brave man to do this.

The obnoxious questions have already started, starting with, "Will Chaz Bono dance with a MAN or with a WOMAN?" To me, someone who has made a point to learn how to be sensitive to LGBT issues as much as possible, knew the answer was "woman," because Chaz is a man regardless of the fact that he was, biologically, a woman when he was born ... but just that question told me that there's going to be a huge learning curve for your average American as they watch Chaz's "Dancing With the Stars" journey.

There has also been some backlash, with Reuters reporting that some fans of the show are upset about Chaz being cast. Other people are rightly calling them out for their bigotry against him, but it must be hard for Chaz to see people writing online that they're "sick" that he's going to be on TV because he was once a woman. (Of course, other people are upset because he's overweight and only on the show because he has famous parents ... but if those weren't allowed then they wouldn't have a show!)

At any rate, I hope Chaz goes on there, dances his ass off and shows the haters that he deserves to be on the show! And even if there are people out there who are narrow-minded and dislike him or Carson because of their sexualities, I hope that there are people out there who are inspired by their bravery and their unwillingness to allow small-minded people to silence them from being who they are!

Go Carson! Go Chaz! I am so glad there are brave people like you on TV!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Bachelor Pad: Kiss and Tell

It's that time of the week again ... the time when you start to wonder whether you can get herpes just from watching TV. I hope not, because if you could, I would certainly be infected after watching "Bachelor Pad."

It's just me, Jen, recapping the show this week. I'm sure Kel would have joined me, but she is wending her way through New England, trying to avoid flooding in order to get home. I'm sure she'll be sad she missed this delightful dramafest!

Last week, we ended the rose ceremony with Chris Harrison saying that Kasey was still in the game, which meant Jake was out! I was sure that the fact that they didn't show his "goodbye" was because he and Kasey got into a huge fight or something, but the truth was actually much, MUCH less exciting. Jake just told the remaining Pad People, "Although we had a chance to do something really big tonight ... it just didn't happen. I think you're sending the wrong guy home." He urged them to "do the right thing" and take out the power couples. And told Kasey it was "amazing meeting you" and said, "Vienna, my apologies."

In the limo ride back to the clean world, Jake said that his main reason for doing "Bachelor Pad" was to confront Vienna and move on, which he accomplished - though he would have liked the quarter of a million bucks. Still, he said, "The last time I left in a limousine, I was heartbroken. This time, I'm just kinda glad to be out of that fucking crazyhouse." Bye-bye Jake ... we'll miss you!

Now for the competition! Tonight was the super exciting second annual "Bachelor Pad Kissing Contest!"

Michelle sits out because she has just SO MANY MORALS YOU GUYS! But everyone else is game. Blake is especially pumped about kissing Holly, and says, "I'm going to do a tonsillectomy today. The doctor is in." Ummm, gross.

Holly is the first one to get kissed by all the guys. She says all the guys kiss "like grandmas" until she gets to Blake, who really goes after it. Michael is not thrilled, of course, because Holly is his ex-fiance and he wants them to get back together. Blake really goes for the kissing, except for when he gets to Vienna because Kasey is scary.

The girls are much more gung-ho about kissing the guys. Erica actually looks like she might devour their faces. The girls also don't kiss Michael much because of Holly. But, Holly kisses Blake a lot!

All I know after watching the kissing contest is that I hope all the "Bachelor Pad" contestants are tested for STDs, or there's going to be a raging case of mouth herpes going around.

Overwhelmingly, Ella and Blake win the contest and they both get roses. They also get to go on a romantic one-on-one date this week with a rose up for grabs.

Ella gets the first date card, and it says, "Your future is up in the air." She picks Kirk to go with her, and when they step outside, there is a hot, red, convertible Ferrari in the driveway. William is jealous: "If I could go back, I'd do the kissing competition way differently. I'd be the biggest manwhore." They go have a romantic meal and talk for a while about how Ella's mom was shot by Ella's stepdad when she was a kid and how she wants to start an organization. Ella gives Kirk the rose, and they go for a super romantic hot air balloon ride in the dark.

Back in the house, Melissa says she feels secure that she will go on the date and get the rose from Blake because they've been together since day one. But she hasn't completely realized that Blake is totally playing her and is a skeezy douchenozzle. After Blake shakes off Melissa, Erica pounces. She gives Blake a massage while trying to convince him to take HER on the date. Crafty.

Blake's date card arrives, and it says, "Love the slippery slope." He chooses Holly to take on the date. And then ... the house explodes. Not really. But Holly is surprised, Erica looks slightly sad, and Melissa storms out of the room and sobs. "I would rather be alone than feel pain like that!" she says. She calls Blake a sociopath and promises to trash his reputation. "Blake's been using me!" she cries. Ding ding ding! She finally figured it out, ladies and gentlemen! The girls decide that Holly was in on the plan all along (I don't think she was). Melissa continues to rage and storm and tries to get Holly to not go on the date. Holly insists she just wants to get out of the house. (She is dumb enough not to get why Melissa wants her to refuse, I think.) Meanwhile, Michael starts brooding about the fact that Holly is going on a date with Blake. "There is a large part of me that wants to rip his face off," he says. Finally, Blake and Holly leave for their date. "If looks could kill, I think both of them would have been shot in the back of the head," Ella observes.

Blake and Holly climb into a limo, which sweeps them off to the airport, where the board a private jet to a ski resort. Holly is a little worried because she can't ski, and she kind of should be - she falls down a lot and looks like a complete goober on national TV. Poor Holly ... I feel for her because I've never skiied either! Despite her lack of skiing skill, Holly has a ton of fun, especially when she and Blake wrestle in the snow. She discovers she hasn't really thought about Michael at all, and she is confused about how she feels. They have dinner by a bonfire in the mountains, and Holly gets the rose. Then, they decide to stay all night together at the ski resort, where they "make out."

Michael really misses Holly. He looks into the fire and broods all night.

The next morning, Michael is still really upset, and Holly is super confused about whether she wants to be with Michael, because she liked kissing Blake. Holly tells Vienna that she still hurts because she was deeply in love with Michael, but Michael walked away from their relationship. "I don't know if that can be fixed," she says.

Chris Harrison announces that we're back to normal voting procedures ... girls vote for guys, guys vote for girls and one of each gender is leaving. The strategy begins, and once again I realize that this definitely isn't "Survivor." Everybody kind of talks about voting off Kasey and Vienna, but they start to work their voodoo magic and people are also talking about voting off William (because he's duller than dishwater) and Melissa (because she's getting super annoying). Melissa goes crazy trying to save herself, to the point where she asks Kasey about 5 times whether he voted for her; William sits back and does nothing.

Let's just cut straight to the chase - neither strategy works. William and Melissa are gone. William says he thinks they saw him as the "easy guy out" because he didn't fight and didn't have a partner, and he is completely right. He cries in the limo. Melissa ugly-cries in the limo.

The real question now is ... when will they wise up and vote out Kasey and Vienna already!? They are getting on my nerves, yo!

Sunday, August 28, 2011

"True Blood:" A Parting of the Ways

This is the third from the last episode of this season, and things are getting heated. In this episode alone, we had a death, a major revelation and, in general, a big ol' parting of the ways between the vampires and their strongest human ally.

When we last left Sookie and the vampires, Marntonia was using the sheriffs, including Eric, to kill King Bill. As Eric swoops in for the kill, Sookie uses her fairy magic to break them apart and break the spell Marntonia has over Eric. Of course, that also breaks the spell that took away Eric's memories, and suddenly, the "real" Eric is back! As Marntonia looks around the room at the carnage - which includes a lot of humans - she asks, "What have I done?"

In other repercussions from last week, Jason asks Jessica to glamour him so that he won't feel guilty for sleeping with his best friend's ex-girlfriend. Jessica does not take kindly to that suggestion and storms away. "Fucking humans!" she huffs. "I'm going to find someone to eat!" Jason, the definition of tact.

Meanwhile, Alcide is driving Tommy to the hospital after he got the everliving shit beat out of him by Packleader Marcus and his minions while posing as Sam. But Tommy tells Alcide he's dying and asks him to take him "home," to Merlotte's.

And Tara, Holly and the other witches are still stuck in Moon Goddess Emporium, trying to find a spell that would break the protective spell keeping them in, despite the fact they don't know Latin to chant the spells.

Nan and Bill are in the midst of a power struggle ... which I have to say, makes Bill look extra hot. Nan is all about the spin, but Bill wants to take out Marntonia once and for all. Elsewhere in Bill's mansion, Eric tells Sookie that he remembers everything. "I haven't changed," he says. "I'm just more." The problem, Sookie explains, is that even though she loves Eric, and Eric still loves her, Sookie also loves Bill. She says she was able to summon her fairy power because she "couldn't bear the thought of a world without him." Oh, how I hope Sookie gets to have sex with Full Memory Eric at least once.

Pam also reappears, extremely thankful Eric is back to normal. They walk out of the room and run into Bill and Nan talking, and Sookie is shocked by the fact that they would blow up Moon Goddess despite the fact innocent people - including Tara - would die. "It's war. It happens," Bill says. Eric stands in a corner making snide remarks, and I realize just how much I missed the quippier, more evil version of Eric Northman.

Alcide takes Tommy back to Merlotte's, where Sam nurses him. Alcide and Sam try to convince Tommy that dying won't be so bad because he'll see loved ones, but he's having none of that. Tommy apologizes to Sam, telling him, "You were the best part of my life," and then dramatically dies (just as he was getting interesting). Sam is distraught, and Marcus better watch out ... Sam tells Alcide, "Marcus Bozeman is a dead fucking wolf."

Jason and Hoyt have some awkwardness when Hoyt comes over and asks Jason if he can stay with Jason for a few days. Hoyt claims he doesn't miss Jessica, but he cries over her as he thinks about how he expects her to come out of her hidey-hole at night. Jason is uncharacteristically quiet through the whole exchange, but later goes over to Sookie's house. Jason is pretty hilarious when he tells Sookie that Hoyt is either crying or ranting or telling him something he's already heard. Then, even worse, Jason tells Sookie, "He drank 11 of my beers, passed out and started farting." Jason wants to stay with Sookie, and Sookie agrees, then tells him about the whole Moon Goddess situation.

Meanwhile, over in Bellefleur Mansion, Terry confronts Andy about his V use after he and Arlene find a vial of the drug in the house. They go to "Fort Bellefleur," their childhood treehouse (where Terry stayed for a year after getting out of the Marines), and Terry tries to get Andy to stop taking V by challenging him to a shooting match, talking about how hard their childhoods were and wrestling with it. Andy promises Terry he'll get clean.

Jason and Sookie go talk to Lafayette and Jesus about the Moon Goddess situation, and Jesus decides he wants to talk to Marnie because she's the victim in all of this. Jesus thinks he can get Marnie out of Antonia's clutches if he talks to her. Meanwhile, Antonia and Marnie return with two vampire zombie slaves. They split back out into two people, and in a rather big character reveal, we discover that Antonia is feeling very skeptical of the plan because of the innocent people that will die, and Marnie is the one who is gung-ho about it! Marnie convinces Antonia to keep going ... which will throw a wrench into Jesus' plan, that's for sure!

Right about that time, Nan, Jessica, Bill, Eric and Pam are silvered in the basement arguing about their plan. Nan threatens Eric and Pam with the true death, but Bill, Eric and Pam are pretty dang set on their plan to blow Moon Goddess to smithereens. Jessica doesn't care what they do, "as long as I get to kill shit," she says.

Marcus is visiting Debbie Pelt, who is upset that Alcide never came home and doesn't want to have children and doesn't want to be part of the pack. Marcus tells her that she needs to hook up with another wolf. "I'm almost ready," she says. Alcide, meanwhile, goes with Sam to the motorcycle shop, and the pair beat up Marcus' guy. There is going to be a wonderful werewolf/shifter fight sometime in the next two episodes, I'm guessing.

Lafayette, Jesus, Sookie and Jason make it to Moon Goddess, and Jesus tries to get in. Unfortunately, the protective spell is very strong around the building, but he gets in with the help of his demon buddy. He talks to Marnie and discovers that she is behind the plan. Thankfully Sookie has the power of telepathy, and he tells Sookie to run. Right about that same time, Tara and Holly finally break the spell holding them in the store and run outside, so of course Sookie, Lafayette and Jason to run to them. Marntonia discovers that the spell has broken and she zaps Sookie, Tara, Holly and Lafayette ... somewhere. Poor Jason is left outside the protective sphere.

When night falls ... Bill, Eric, Pam and Jessica jump out of a van, looking super hot, grab some weapons and start slow-motion walking to the store.


Monday, August 22, 2011

Bachelor Pad: Synchronized Craziness

Kel ditched Bachelor Pad last week partway through and, really, who could blame her. Last week was lame-o. But instead of giving up completely, she is back this week for a more interesting, amusing, drama-filled and Speedo-laden episode.

We start right after the rose ceremony from last week. Blake and Melissa fight, apparently still over Blake and Holly hanging out. Melissa is majorly crazy! And Blake is a major douche. We definitely like that Melissa is calling out Blake on all his shit. Work it, crazy eyes! Blake is trying to convince Melissa that he isn't playing her. Melissa may be crazy, but she isn't wrong. Deal with it, douchebag.

Time for another rose challenge, and there are two roses up for grabs today - one for guys and one for girls. Blake needs the rose because Melissa is pissed at him. Jake needs to win because everyone is still pissed at him (and by everyone, we mean Vienna).

The challenge is synchronized swimming! The girls are excited. The boys are not. But we are. Oh yes, we are. Michael is either excited or fake excited. Either way, awesome! They will be judged based on skill, technique, and showmanship. The teams are gender divided. This is officially Kel's favorite challenge ever in the history of everything. Jen has to agree.

The practices are a hot mess. The girls are very "over it" and don't really take the challenge seriously. They seem to think that the guys are naturally going to screw it up because they're guys. The guys are taking nothing for granted - they work hard and put everything into it. And then, they take everything off ... except Speedos! Work it, boys! They may be dumb, as evidenced by the fact that they're on "Bachelor Pad" in the first place, but they sure are hot.

The judges are a synchronized swimmer and the Bachelor Pad winners from last season. We don't know who we are, so we don't care. And the swimmer is the only one who actually judges - the Bachelor Pad winners are just there for eye candy. Or something.

The girls were a hot honeyed mess. Michelle and Vienna stood out apparently. Erica really stood out to us, though, because she just flailed around in the pool doing nothing that remotely resembled their routine. Kel pointed out, probably correctly, that this is how Jen would look if she tried to do synchronized swimming.

Then it was the boys' turn, and they boys worked it! They really hammed it up and loved it and were silly, yet worked hard on their routine. Michael and Jake stood out.

The winner for the guys is Michael! We wished it would have been Jake, but Michael is alright because he's just so darn sweet. The winner for the girls is Michelle. And Vienna is pissed - she feels robbed! Cry me a river, Vienna!

The dates are the same as last week. Each winner gets to pick three people and give out one rose.

And now, an actual conversation between Jen and Kel:
Kel: Who the fuck is Graham? Has he been on previous episodes?
Jen: I don't remember him. I think they add people on this show just to fuck with us.

Yeah, that just happened. (Sorry for the cursing, mom!)

Anyway...back on to the drama!

Erica and Jake are hooking up! Not in the sleeping with each other way, but in the scheming way. They shall forever be known as Team Skeezy! We love it! Erica is crazypants, but in such a fun way! But Erica is in with the mob. And now Kasey thinks that Vienna is being too nice to Jake. Oooo - cracks are forming, as evidenced by Kasey and Vienna fighting! Apparently what is happening is that Vienna is not an uber bitch to Jake 24/7, which is making Kasey think that everyone is going to not vote Jake out. But Vienna claims that she does want Jake out. So, Kasey calls Vienna stupid and a fame whore (well, if the shoe fits ...), and claims that she doesn't want to be in the house. He also calls her out for trying to garner fake sympathy, and ... you know what? We don't even know anymore and, apparently, neither does the cameraman because they keep showing shots of a marker and Vienna's tits. Part of the confusion might be that Kasey doesn't move his mouth when he talks.

Date time, with Michelle; she takes Graham the new guy, Kasey and Blake. What an odd combo of people! They go to a vineyard to, naturally, drink wine. Blake is trying to spin that Melissa is crazy, but Michelle is on to him. She is friends with Melissa and is trying to crack Blake. And she brought Graham because she wants to mack on him. But she isn't sure if he likes her. We didn't listen to their conversation because, yawn, but then they started kissing! And Graham got the rose. Shocker!

Michael's date is with Vienna, Ella and Holly, who doesn't really want to go.

Jen and Kel conversation part 2:
Jen: Is there an Ellen on this show? Oh. Is there an Ella on this show?
Kel: I think they added her when they added Graham.

Michael and Holly, who, if you remember, used to be engaged, are not on the same page, even though Michael thinks they are. *cough*awkward*cough* The date involves riding horses, which is cool so, naturally, Vienna bitches - first about having to wear a helmet, then about the horses being in the sun, and then the smell. What a fun person.

Cut to the house, and Blake has completely missed the point of what Michelle told him. He is now trying to make up with Melissa by pretending that he didn't mean to be a douche. Gah! We fucking hate Blake. Suck it, dude.

Back to the date of awkwardness. Kel feels bad for Micheal because she feels like he is a genuinely nice guy. Again, he is too sweet to mock. Which makes his conversation with Holly super boring for her to blog. And Jen didn't pay attention because, yawn.

Back at the Trashy Ranch, the boys are trying to do strategy. It's cute when they try to think like the big kids! It would be fun to see these assclowns on "Survivor."

Erica decides to team up with Jake. They are both playing each other! Erica is using Jake to win. Jake is using Erica to win. So it's OK!

Back to Michael. He cuts the girls who aren't Holly loose, and then Bret Michaels shows up! Michael does a dorky little dance that he was probably very ashamed to see on TV tonight. Bret Michaels is so fun. He really knows who he is and knows that he's a dork. I like it. And OMG! He sings "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" and that song is, like, totally about their relationship.

Back to drama at the house! It is Kasey/Vienna's 6 month anniversary. Kasey got Vienna a ring, and her response is "I don't want it to be an engagement ring." Which, it isn't. It is a promise ring. But now Kasey is questioning how much Vienna likes him. Kasey is singing, which made my poor sweet coworker throw up in her mouth. An appropriate reaction, as his singing is the worst thing I've heard in years.

Erica tries to sway people to save herself and get rid of Melissa and Kasey. She spies on Jake and Melissa to find out information. Which is awesome. Erica promptly turns everybody against Melissa. Princess is not as stupid as she looks.

Melissa scrambles to not get voted out, but Erica is spying again! She half-walks, half-crawls to the couch where Melissa is sitting, talking to some guy, and squats behind it, basically in plain sight. It's one of the best things in the history of television. Melissa freaks out, and Erica totally orchestrated that entire thing. She is like the Russell Hantz of "Bachelor Pad." The good thing about Melissa freaking out for Blake is that now he doesn't seem like as much as a douche. Except he is.

Now, the only person Melissa trusts is Jake, because Jake is nice to her. However, mostly he is just nice to her to get her to stay through the vote to try to get Kasey out - but at least he is telling her up front that he wants her to stay to vote for Kasey.

This week, no women are leaving "Bachelor Pad." But everyone is voting off a guy. What a twist.

Basically, it is going to come down to Jake or Kasey going home. Jake and Erica scheme, and we cement our allegiance to Team Skeezy. Erica tries to solve the Melissa/Blake drama in payment for Blake voting out Kasey.

In addition to the fact that Kasey is an obnoxious ass, we also want Kasey to go home because it will piss Vienna off more than anything else. Everyone freaks out, and Kasey scrambles and is freaking out that "friends" are stabbing him in the back. Like Erica. Who is carrying around a gavel. We love you, Erica. Jake and Kasey also talk, which is awkward. Kasey still wants to punch Jake. Jen wants to kick Kasey in the balls. William (Captain America from last season) also shows up in the mix, which confuses the heck out of Kel because she didn't remember that he was still on the show because they haven't shown him in weeks. Did he reappear when Graham and Ella showed up?

The guys safe are Michael (won the challenge), Graham (got the date rose), Kirk, William, Blake, and.....*drum roll* Kasey!

Aaaaaaand ... Black. Cue Kel and Jen pouting. We hope Jake stirs much shit up when he leaves.

Quotables of the Night:

"Apparently he has alligator blood."--Kasey, a fountain of WTFery

"The closest thing I've done to synchronized swimming is laying out by the pool."--Erica

"I am so much better than all the other girls."--Vienna, showing her true colors

"Jake could win this competition alone on the fact that he has such a big package."--Erica, understanding the true point of the swimming competition

"I would like to apologize for what we just did to your sport."--Chris Harrison, to the synchronized swimming woman.

"This is ridiculous."--Kasey, taking the words right out of Kel's mouth.

"I can't trust Melissa any farther than I can throw her. And even though she's really tiny, that isn't very far."--Erica

Sunday, August 21, 2011

"True Blood:" Some Unexpected Surprises

Another Sunday night, another "True Blood" ending in a cliffhanger. Yes, I gasped at the rather abrupt and exciting end of "Let's Get Out of Here" ... with Eric leaping toward Bill, intending to kill him, and Sookie shouting "RUN!" This season has been steadily improving, and this week featured another fantastic episode with twists, turns, a nice ass shot of Joe Manganiello (he and Alexander Skarsgaard should have an ass-off) and lots of hot sex!

But I'm getting ahead of myself. At the end of last week, Sookie got shot, and Alcide scooped her up and sprinted toward her house. Bill snatches her and tries to give her blood, to no avail. Alcide and Bill sit vigil at her bedside ... err, couchside ... until she wakes up. The first words out of her mouth when she wakes up with two extremely sexy guys in her living room, watching over her: "Where's Eric?" Bill promises he's got people looking for him, but Alcide is done with the vampire stuff. He goes back home to Debbie, who has been watching "Cheaters" (love it!) but is pretending to sleep, takes off his clothes (love it, too!) and snuggles with her. Debbie's eyes glow werewolf yellow. Uh-oh.

So, where is Eric? Why, he's on Marntonia's thrall, back at Moon Goddess Emporium after the vampire/witch skirmish. Tara and many of the other witches are understandably upset about the fact that Antonia didn't take Bill's peace offering. She tells them that they are going to use Eric at the vampire-run Festival of Tolerance to let people "see what vampires are capable of and what we are capable of doing to them." Sinister!

Sam is at Luna's house, after Marcus has left and Emma has finally gone to sleep, and he convinces Luna that they should go camping to get away from Marcus.

Jessica is still crushed by Hoyt breaking up with her and Jason rejecting her, and she cries to Nan Flanagan, who is at Bill's mansion before the Festival of Tolerance. "I wish I was dead, except I already am, and it doesn't even matter!" she wails. "There have been times, I'll admit, that it's occurred to me that I should put my career on hold and become a maker," Nan says. "But there last several hours with you have erased those doubts forever." When Bill gets there, they chain themselves with silver and discuss why the Festival of Tolerance is so important to Nan - namely, because there will be a lot of people there and they want to make them see that vampires are nice. Nan also berates Bill for all the issues they've been having lately. "I didn't think it was possible," she says, "but you make me long for Queen Sophie Ann."

Tommy is writing a goodbye letter - good plan, Tommy, because I tire of your crap! - but Marcus comes and tells Tommy to tell Sam to meet him at his motorcycle shop that night. Sam is still camping, and he turns into a bunny because Emma wants to pet a bunny. Aww!

Hoyt gets up early and hungover and starts putting Jessica's stuff (including "Twilight!" Hilarious detail!) into the "Monster Box" for him to give back to her. But suddenly, Lafayette comes in with Arlene's baby and demands that Hoyt leaves "my house" - except Lafayette, of course, has been possessed by Mavis. Jason and Andy (who takes some V) try to diffuse the situation, but eventually Jesus comes over. (Jason, hilariously, pronounces his name like you pronounce the name of God's son.) Jason asks him, "When you guys roleplay, does Lafayette ever play a woman named Mavis?" "I'm going to forget you just said that and go in," Jesus retorts. Jesus talks to Mavis and discovers that she was stabbed by her babydaddy and wants to hold her baby one more time. They dig under the tree and find the remains of Mavis and her baby, and then Jesus does some brujo magic and frees her. Everyone is suitably impressed.

Sookie, meanwhile, has a dream in which she's wearing a red neglige and both Eric and Bill are in her house during the day. Sookie has had the blood of both Bill AND Eric recently, and you know what drinking vampire blood means! The guys try to fight over Sookie, but she tells them that they need to talk because she "could be dreaming about anything, like swimming with a dolphin, or eating a whole pie without consequences." She tells them that she loves them both and she doesn't want to be either guy's. "I'm proposing that the two of you be mine." She strips down to her bra and panties, and Bill and Eric start kissing her all over. They both bite her at the same time ... and she wakes up. No, Sookie ... I wanted to see where this was going!

Debbie Pelt buys some vampire blood and drinks it, then goes to Sookie's house. I'm thinking, "Oooh, this is it!" (If you've read the books, you know what happens to Debbie in book 4.) But no ... Debbie says she wants to help Sookie. She even brings flowers! Sookie listens to Debbie's thoughts and her motives are apparently pure. They're going to work together!

Alcide, meanwhile, agrees to move up in the pack because it's important to Debbie. Marcus wants him to hang around when Sam shows up. Which he does ... except it's Tommy skinwalking! They beat the crap out of him until Alcide intervenes. Meanwhile, Sam and Luna are having hot, hot camping sex in their tent. This will not endear Sam to Marcus, I'm guessing.

Debbie shows up at Moon Goddess Emporium, and Sookie sneaks in the back. Debbie tells Antonia that she represents the pack. Sookie finds Eric, who tells her that he is supposed to kill Bill, and Tara finds Sookie and tells her through her thoughts that they've been held hostage by Antonia and where Bill is. Sookie charges Tara and escapes with Debbie's help, and Antonia takes Eric and her favorite minion, Roy, to the hotel to wreak some havoc!

Meanwhile, Hoyt has Jason take Jessica her box of stuff and, surprise surprise ... they end up having sex. Hot, impromptu sex. In the bed of his truck. Nice.

When Antonia gets to the Festival of Tolerance, which features lots of pro-vampire PR, she gets the other vampire sheriffs under her thrall, too. Sookie runs in as Bill is speaking, but that's the same time Antonia gets the vampires to disembowel some guards. "Bill, they're coming for you!" Sookie shouts. Eric, under Antonia's command, flies toward Bill. "Run!" Sookie shouts.

And ... scene. I really have to wait a week to see what happens next!?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Feast-For-the-Eyes Friday: Jason Momoa

Because there are so many gorgeous men in the world that we can't feature just one a week ... we're instituting "Feast-For-the-Eyes Friday" ... and for the first one, we've decided to feature none other than the gorgeous and manly Jason Momoa.

(Photo from IMDB)

Jason Momoa first came to our attention on HBO's "Game of Thrones," where he played beefy warrior Khal Drogo. And now he's playing beefy warrior Conan in the new "Conan the Barbarian" movie.

He is definitely a feast for the eyes. I mean, look at him. He is 100% man, with big muscles, wonderful abs and really delightful chesticles. On "Game of Thrones," he also wore guyliner and a top that accentuated his pecs ... bonus! It really is a feat for a guy to pull off guyliner in a manly way and Momoa is the perfect example of how to do it...have ridiculous muscles!

Momoa is a good actor in the sneering barbarian role, but he seems funny and sweet offscreen. When asked if his kids, Lola Iolani and Nakoa-Wolf, would see "Conan," he replied, "“They’ll never see it till they’re 19. They don’t need to see those parts of Daddy!”

So we've got a huge hunk of a man, who is rarely seen with a shirt on, who rocks guyliner in a totally manly way, and is funny. I can think of nothing that could make him hotter. Except maybe if he did all of it while holding a golden doodle puppy. He would even make that look super manly.

Project Runway: There's Something About Nina

OMG! I am actually blogging Project Runway on Thursday night! Super exciting, no?

Today's episode will be epically full of drama because the designers have to design for Nina Garcia! The designers are sufficiently freaked out by having Nina as a client. And to add more of a challenge, Nina wants to be able to wear it to work and to an industry event in the evening. Nina wants something with edge, clean lines, and something streamlined. She doesn't like loud colors or patterns. They get to design and then consult with Ms. Garcia. If they win, Nina will wear their outfit, they will be on a billboard, and they get a photo feature in Marie Clare.

A lot of the designers are freaking out because of the monotone color thing. I think this is going to be a challenge to make something interesting and inventive without the use of patterns and bright colors. It will have to interesting in shape and detail. I am concerned about Bryce (who is always spazzing), Julie (who hasn't done anything really great yet), and Joshua (who is all about sparkle!).

In the consultations, I like how direct Nina is. She really tells the designers what she likes and what she wants in general and what she wants them to do specifically. For example, she wants Kimberley to make her pants, even though Kimberly wants to make a dress. I love how picky Nina is! She doesn't want boring and she doesn't want a runway of grey. But she also doesn't like super bright colors and patterns!

Work Room

I like some of the people (Anya, Anthony Ryan, Becky) ignoring the no pattern thing and buying patterned fabric. Big risk!

I'm concerned about Julie. She seems to be trying to be normal. Never strive to be normal, dude! Strive to be different and unique!

Anthony Ryan is trying to outdo Becky since they have the same fabric. And he is being bitchy about it.

Time for the Nina visit!

Danielle--Everything looks soft. "No. No. No."--Nina

Julie--Worried the collar is too big; Julie feels confident; Tim does not

Anya--"It is a risk, do we have a plan B"--Nina; Anya has no plan B

Joshua--Just wants to make sure Nina doesn't wear a bra

Becky--Nina wants to know how Becky got the same fabric

Olivare--Seems too conservative

Bryce--could end up too short

Bert--Very plunging

Viktor--"I'm concerned Nina will look like she got up too fast at a restaurant and the napkin stuck"--Tim

Laura--Christmas green.

Cecilia--Looking a little sad; Cecilia is falling apart; mousy; needs punch

Kimberly--Everything is all blue; could be too matchy matchy

Pretty much Nina has a "bitch please" face during her entire visit. Always fun!

Work Room pt. 2

Kimberly lost her mother to cancer and recently lost her brother and is using that to make herself stronger.

Anya is trying to dye her fabric to make her plan B.

Anthony Ryan is video chatting with his fiance. Adorable! And a nice hp plug!

At model fitting, everyone is freaking out! No one really seems happy with their looks! Or with anyone elses' outfit. Ah, bitchiness!

Oh my gosh! I love it! Tim just walked into the work room and absolutely everyone was in the sewing room. "I'm sweating through my suit"--Tim

Bryce may or may not have screwed his garment. Anya is flipping out. Viktor is in love with his outfit. Kimberly also likes Viktor's outfit. Cecilia is feeling pressure. Laura is having issues sewing in heels (then take off your heels, girl!).

Cecilia is done with her work, so she is helping Julie finish her jacket. This is slightly controversial, because you should do your own work. But there is nothing to say you can't help anyone else. Oh and now Laura is helping Anya out. "Is that glue? Yikes!"--Tim. Viktor is against the help to that extent.

Runway Time!
This is going to be my thoughts on the outfit, not whether or not Nina will it.

Joshua--I like that dress a lot. It is simple, but interesting. Cool back, good color.

Bert--Little black dress, but way too high of a slit up the front and too low cut for work

Olivare--Bit boring and the jacket doesn't look like it fits, which is weird b/c Olivare does jackets

Anthony Ryan--I like the top, but it is a boring shape

Becky--I like the diagonal lines

Kimberly--I like that outfit more than I want to. I am all about the crazy gold top.

Cecilia--No. Just no. No. Vomit.

Anya--Catsuit! I will never be a fan of a catsuit. But I really kind of dig it.

Danielle--Hmmm...I am just not sure about the jacket cut blouse

Julie--I love the dress jacket with the blocks of color. I'd wear that

Bryce--That hem is awful! Even I can see that! And I don't love the shoulder situation

Laura--I really like that dress. It is bright, simple, yet interesting.

Viktor--Little black dress. Interesting architecture and I like the pop of silver with the zipper.

Danielle, Kimberly, Anya, Viktor, Julie, Cecilia are top and bottom. Meaning that Olivare, Laura, Joshua, Becky, Bert, Anthony Ryan, and Bryce are safe.

I'd say the top are Julie, Viktor, and Kimberly. Which means that Danielle, Anya, and Cecilia are bottom. I could be totally wrong. Let's find out!


Viktor--Nina likes the separates. Michael Kors likes the shoulder and thinks the whole thing is well made. It is different, but classic. It is elegant and beautiful.

Julie--Thinks the whole collar area is way too open. No one seems to understand it. Michael Kors thinks it looks like a housecoat. "She should have a pocket with kleenex in it while she dusts"--Kors. It doesn't look clean. Julie is standing behind her look.

Cecilia--Cecilia knows she is in the bottom. The fabric was all wrong and the colors are off. Also, the outfit doesn't look wearable or like a day outfit.

Kimberly--Nina loves it. The styling is great, too. It has everything it needs and doesn't need any other accessorizing. Michael loves that it is separates. The top is special. It transforms how you feel. And it really really is awesome. I want it.

Anya--Nina is amazed at the transformation of the dress. And they all love it. The shape is nice and seems flexible. It is fun and the color is nice. Beautifully tailored.

Danielle--Very pedestrian and big shoulder pads. It is a nice outfit, but it isn't for Nina. It is just a slightly depressing look.

"Unless you are going to a Joan Crawford St. Paddy's day party, who else is wearing this blouse"--Kors

The winner is Kimberly (what up!). Again, I want that jacket!

And the person Auf'd is Julie. I like her, but it really was her time. I would have liked to see her stay because she had a great attitude. But she never lived up to her potential.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Midweek Mancandy: David Tennant

In honor of the premier of Fright Night on Friday, our delicious Mancandy this week is the one and only David Tennant.

(images from and

Tennant is most well known for playing the 10th Doctor on "Doctor Who," though you might also know him from "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire" as Barty Crouch, Jr. He is also known for playing Casanova in the BBC miniseries (hot!), and Hamlet. Though if you know him from those, you also probably watch "Doctor Who."

Tennant is not a big traditional hunky chunk of man, but he definitely brings the hot. He has two very different appeals to his hotness. First is what is seen in "Doctor Who" - the nerdy look, especially when he puts his glasses on. He is a nerdy dreamboat!!

His second hotness is the badass look, which you can see in "Fright Night," which opens Friday. The eyeliner does not hurt at all in that department. Grrr, baby!

Part of his appeal is also his natural Scottish accent, because who doesn't love a Scottish accent!? Dreamy!

David Tennant ... we salute you!!!!!! And we will salute you even more when we see "Fright Night"next week!

Monday, August 15, 2011

Bachelor Pad: A Whole Lotta Boring Going On

For having such a stellar premiere, the second episode of "Bachelor Pad" was just plain boring. Oh sure, it had its moments of wonderfulness, but most of it? Lame-o! So lame-o, in fact, Kel ditched me a little over halfway through. And I ditched myself at about the same time, because I just couldn't concentrate anymore.

At the beginning, we dove straight into the competition. The guys were blindfolded with their backs toward the "ladies," (not sure that's the term I'd use for many of them ...) and one by one they came out and threw paint-filled eggs at the guys in answer to questions. When they hit the guy, they get a point. Then, they switch. The guy and girl with the most points each get to pick three people to go on a date with them and they get to give a rose to one of the people on the date.

The questions are really rather mean. The girls are asked, "Who are you least attracted to?," "Who do you feel least deserves the $250,000?" and "Who do you want to see go home this week?" They almost all hit Jake for this question, which I'm sure was making the producers nervous, considering what they did later in the show. Jake was hurt by the fact that everyone wants him to go home. "Where did I go wrong?" he asked. Umm, probably when you agreed to be on "The Bachelor" and its related shows. "It hurts. It really does. In this group, they don't really know me, they just know what they read in the tabloids." Melissa and Jackie tie, and when Jackie misses on the question, "Who is the dumbest?" Melissa wins immunity.

Then it's the guys' turn. The questions are: "Which of these women is most likely to cheat on you if dating?" (Jake hits Vienna), "Who do you want to go home this week?" (Jake hits Vienna again); and "Who are you least attracted to?" Melissa admits that it's "nerve-wracking" to find out who is going to get hit on that question, and the loser is Erica. Michael hits her hard, and Jake misses his shot (presumably at Vienna, but who knows!), so Michael wins. Kel thinks that it's overly mean to make them choose who the least attractive person is, "especially when they are all so mentally unstable." She is right.

Michael's date card says, "Are you afraid of the dark?" but sadly the date has nothing to do with the classic Nickelodeon show. Michael, with Erica, Michelle and his ex-fiance Holly in tow, go off to an abandoned hospital/insane asylum for their date and, let's face it, that's a freaking great date. "They were scared out of their minds and, guess what?, so was I," Michael says. Michelle called it the "most horrifying date I've ever been on." There was lots of screaming during this date (but not in the sexy way!). Then, Michael talks to Holly about their relationship, and he just seems too sweet to mock so neither Kel nor I pay attention. If we're not mocking you, you are unworthy of our time, "Bachelor Pad" contestants!

Melissa gets her date card, which says, "Chart a course for romance." It should have said, "Chart a course for Boringsville." Melissa picks Kirk, Kasey and Blake, and Jake is sad because he really needs to get immunity. Melissa, Kirk, Kasey and Blake go out on a yacht and swim in the ocean, which is incredibly dull. Give me ghost-hunting any day!

Meanwhile, Jake broods for a while as Vienna campaigns to get him off. She tells everyone, "Things he said to me are unforgivable."

Blake makes out with Melissa on the boat and admits he's whoring himself out to keep her happy and keep himself in the game. But since he's being rather deceitful and assy and Bentley-ish, he gets a major black mark in our book. But his douchey ruse worked, because Melissa gives him the rose.

Jake talks to Kasey and Vienna in front of several other contestants. He tells Kasey and Vienna that he is going to donate the money if he wins, but they just keep beating up on him and being total jerks to him. This strategy starts to backfire, though, because everyone starts to think that Kasey is being an uber-jerk.

Chris Harrison shows up with a "Hey hey hey hey!" They tell him that the vibe in the house is "awkward," and Vienna pisses and moans for a while, prompting Chris to tell her, "If you're unhappy, I'll call a cab for you."

Then, Chris drops a bombshell: The producers want to make sure that Jake is on the show for another week, so they will be sending home two women and no men! OK, he didn't say it in so many words, but duh. Vienna is angry that she's going to have to spend more time in Jake's vicinity (Jake seems to be his normal, dopey-happy self), and Kasey tells them that they can go home. But Vienna won't: "Kasey's here holding me and keeping me strong."

Meanwhile, some drama happens and the next time I look at the TV, Gia is super upset because everybody is mean and manipulative on "Bachelor Pad." No shit, Sherlock. So ... she quits. Good on her!

They all vote, and it seems as though Ella or Jackie, who has been getting quite close to Ames. When all is said and done (which takes way too long) ... it's Jackie that's out. She says her goodbyes to Ames, who says that he fell in love with Jackie "in a way I've never done before." I was in the middle of an eyeroll ... when Ames decides to get in the limo and leave the show with Jackie! It's twue wove! "This is the happiest limo ride in Bachelor history."

I just hope that it was the most boring show in Bachelor history, or we won't be able to watch this show for long. Seriously. All I can say is, I hope next week is better!

A few great quotes to leave you with:
"I grunted, but in a man way." - Michael
"As long as it doesn't get in my hair!" - Erica
"Just a mouse? Not even a haunted mouse?" - Michael
"We're having a yacht of fun!" - Kasey, master of puns

Also, just FYI, Kel is hardcore shipping Kirk/Kasey. That would be a great twist, wouldn't it?

Dirty Dancing: The Remake

It was announced last week that Kenny Ortega is slated to direct a remake of Dirty Dancing. And people lost their shit. And in some ways, I can understand the contempt. Really, Hollywood? You can't think of any new movie to make? You have to remake another effing movie? Seriously? However, I don't actually think it is that big of a deal. And I may, in fact, be kind of excited about it.

Dirty Dancing, for those who have avoided it, was released in 1987 and starred Patrick Swayze as bad boy Johnny, a dance instructor at a resort in upstate New York, and Jennifer Grey as Baby, who is visiting the resort with her family. There is lots of drama, things happen, Baby learns to dance, she and Johnny compete in a salsa competition, and they solve a crime! It has the iconic lift that everyone has seen. And it has "I've had the time of my life".

I enjoy Dirty Dancing. If it is on tv, I'll stop to watch a bit. And I own it on dvd. But I'm not sure it is quite the untouchable movie that it is made out to be. Now, I will fully admit that I do not have the emotional attachment to it that many people do as I was a solid 6 months old when it came out. It was one of those movies that I enjoyed that came out in the 80s. But it wasn't a quintessential movie to me.

I like that Kenny Ortega is attached to the remake since he choreographed the original Dirty Dancing. I would assume that he is fond of the original and therefore will make the remake as good as it can be. And also, the kids these days love his stuff! He directed High School Musical. That shit was huge! Tweens who loved HSM are now in there late teens, the perfect age to find a movie that is super important to them! Also, Kenny Ortega is a good director. He did Newsies, Hocus Pocus, and 17 episodes of one of my favorite shows, Gilmore Girls. He also directed This Is It. It definitely knows what he's doing as far as movies and musicals go.

So, you can be outraged by the tragedy of a movie being remade 24 years after it originally came out. But I am going to celebrate that there will be a new movie about dancing coming out soon. Much like I am (overly) excited about the remake of Footloose coming out in October!

Sunday, August 14, 2011

"True Blood:" What We've Been Waiting For!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is the episode of "True Blood" we've all been waiting for - the episode where Alexander Skarsgaard spends the bulk of the episode naked! But we'll get to that in a bit, because a lot of things happen in this episode as shit between Hoyt and Jessica, Jason and Jessica, Lafayette and the mysterious ghosty woman, and vampires and witches gets real!

First of all, let it be known that Jessica is not, in fact, dead, despite walking out into the sun at the end of the last episode. No, she was tackled by Jason, who kicks closed the door, and the spell is broken! Jason and Jessica kiss before Jason scoops Jessica up and takes her back down into the dungeon with Bill. Jessica feels guilty about killing the guard, Bucky, but Bill assures her that she wasn't herself. He binds Jessica with silver in case the witches recast their spell. Soon, we see Jessica coming home and breaking up with Hoyt because she has a "hunger," and their life together isn't enough for her. "If you don't love me, I'll die!" Hoyt cries. "Then die!" Jessica yells as she slams Hoyt's head against the counter and runs out the door to Jason's waiting truck. Jason is turned on and starts to take off his shirt, and just as things start to get hot and heavy ... and Jessica wakes up. Yes, it's another dream.

As night falls, the police are investigating the death of Maxine Foytenberry's vampire neighbor, Bulah Carter. Jason stops V addict Andy Bellefleur from eating her remains (ew!), and soon the press shows up. Luckily, King Bill shows up too, for some damage control, telling the reporter that vampires often commit suicide because they are depressed because of the hate crimes against them. He even begins to quote Jesus (as in, Christ, not Lafayette's loverboy) as Tara and Marntonia flip off the interview on TV. Tara is initially spooked by the fact that they aren't just protecting themselves from vampires, but actually killing them. Marntonia, however, tells her it's the only way to see them gone, and Tara agrees she wants all vampires to die. But their discussion is interrupted by a call from Bill, who assures Marntonia and Tara he wants peace, and offers to meet Marntonia in the Bon Temps cemetery to discuss it.

Meanwhile, Eric needs blood because he's been bound in silver all day and the last time he fed was when he snacked on Claudine. Sookie offers herself to Eric, as long as he promises to stop before he really hurts her. "I won't betray you. Ever," Eric says. "I may remind you of that someday," Sookie responds before Eric sinks his fangs into her neck. After he feeds, he tears open his own hand and offers it to Sookie. "We will be one," he says, and she drinks. Blood bond? I think so, bitches!

Next thing we see, Sookie and Eric are naked, and they climb into the shower. This is the hot sex scene the fans have all been waiting for ... but when Sookie goes to turn on the water, the water doesn't come out. Instead, it starts snowing. Sookie pulls back the curtain and they're in a woods and there's a rustic-looking bed in the clearing. So, of course, it's time for some major sexytimes, featuring several lingering shots of Alexander Skarsgaard's bare ass. Director Daniel Minahan definitely knows what the fans want to see, even though the shower scene wasn't at all like it was in the book!

We cut away to a quick scene with Alcide - he helps packmaster Marcus break up a fight - and then we're back to Sookie and Eric, lying in bed in the snow, fur blankets just barely covering what needs to be covered on television. They talk a little bit more about their love, and how "all is possible." It is really not a bad view. At all.

Meanwhile at Merlotte's, Mikey is in his playpen in the kitchen as Terry cooks. The mysterious woman is back, singing to Mikey in French. Lafayette walks into the kitchen, sees the woman and says, "Oh hell. Fuck this shit," and walks back out. Maxine, then, is in Merlotte's ... except she's acting awfully strange, because it's actually Tommy! You didn't think we'd get rid of him that easily, did you? He's meeting with the guy who wanted to pay to pump oil from Maxine's land, and although the deal isn't great, Tommy gets a check from him anyway. He then goes and barfs and passes out in the woods.

Jessica goes home - for real this time - and tells Hoyt, "I really love you, but I think we made a mistake." She asks for some time apart, and Hoyt asks if there's somebody else. When Jessica tells him there kind of is, Hoyt hits Jessica where it hurts, telling her that he deserves better - somebody who doesn't stay a virgin, can have kids, can walk in daylight and isn't dead. Snap! He rescinds his invitation and, as a parting shot, tells Jessica, "Maybe God really does hate fangs. And so do I." Jessica heads over to Jason's, but he spurns her too - Hoyt is his best friend, after all. He rescinds her invitation to his house, too, then does some more push-ups, as he does when he's trying not to think about his best friend's vampire girlfriend.

Sookie and Eric are back in the real world, in Sookie's bed, and she tells Eric that she wishes he could "stay this way forever." Eric tells her they could run away together, but Sookie says that they're obligated to fight for Bill.

Marcus tells Alcide he has the makings of an alpha wolf, and Marcus, Alcide and Debbie decide it's great that they're going to keep out of vampire politics. But Marcus also tells Alcide that there are going to be major problems between the vampires and witches that night, and Debbie tells Alcide to stay away from Sookie. Alcide promises he will. Marcus then goes over to Luna's house to say goodnight to Emma, who is their child, and he is extremely unhappy to see Sam over there - he's been playing Barbie's with Emma, and eats dinner with Luna and Emma. Sam stands his ground, though.

Lafayette, meanwhile, dreams of the mysterious woman - apparently years ago she had a child with a married white man, and finds out when she brings a doll to the child that the man has killed the child. He wakes up, and she's in his house. "Oh fuck no!" he says as she swoops in and possesses him. He creeps over to Andy Bellefleur's house, steals his gun and then steals Mikey from Terry and Arlene's bedroom at the Bellefleur house. TO BE CONTINUED!

Eric and Sookie get dressed (damn!) and go over to Bill's house to tell him they will fight with him against the witches. Sookie says she can use her fairy powers, and is willing to die for them. "My liege," Eric says. "My ... Bill," Sookie adds, hilariously. The look Eric gives her is quite amusing. They, other vampires and human snipers accompany Bill to the graveyard, and the witches, including Tara, accompany Marntonia. She casts a spell to make the graveyard foggy and the battle begins. Eric kills a witch. Marntonia casts some spells. Alcide, meanwhile, runs to Sookie's house and hears the shouts. He runs to the graveyard, unaware that there is a wolf - Debbie! - following him, and she is pissed. Pam almost eats Tara, before Bill forbids her. "This is So. Fucking. Lame!" Pam says - one of her only lines is a good one! Sookie blasts a guy with fairy fire, and then she is promptly shot in the stomach. Eric, meanwhile, is having spells cast on him by Marntonia. Bill is bound with silver. Alcide scoops up Sookie, who is not looking too good.

Shit got real, yo. I'm relatively positive that Sookie will survive, but what will happen to Eric? What is Marntonia doing to him? Will his memory come back? And is Debbie going to try to take out her anger on Sookie, or Alcide, or both? There are only four episodes left, and a LOT of loose ends to tie up.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Project Runway: Drama, Stilts, and Tears

Morning after elimination: Joshua is bitching about Fallene still being in the competition when Josh got eliminated. Fallene worries that she's too normal. Anthony Ryan, having been in the top three for both challenges, wants to win.

The Challenge: Dress Stiltwalkers, in pairs
Heidi is on stilts! All the models are on stilts! They have to work in pairs! Chosen from the button bag. Our pairings are
Bert/Viktor: Viktor doesn't like Bert...this should be amazing!
Anthony Ryan/Laura: They seem fine with it
Joshua/Julie: Joshua is not pleased with Julie's previous work
Danielle/Cecilia: I'm not sure I know who Danielle is
Anya/Olivare: They seem pretty pleased with their pairing
Kimberly/Becky: Kimberly is not inspired by Becky's designs
Bryce/Fallene: Both are kinda bummed to be with another bottom three person
And the runway will be outside and in front of the press.

And now the drama begins as the pairs try to work with each other. Not the least of which is that they have $500 to spend at mood, but only 1 day! Our concepts seem to be Queen victoria (Bert is not amused), dark ballerina, circus, romantic matador.

Viktor and Bert seem to not be agreeing on anything. They both think the other is going too old school. And neither wants to compromise on anything. I sense a hot mess brewing!

Laura and Anthony Ryan are making something like a petticoat to allow for volume. And Anthony Ryan is not a fan of making it because it involves math.

Olivare's accent has gone even more weird. Joshua and Julie get along super well in personality. Danielle and Cecilia are working which chiffon, which most designers consider difficult. Kimberly doesn't understand Becky. Bryce and Fallene are trying to walk the thin line between costume and fashion. But Fallene doesn't feel comfortable with standing up to Bryce. Joshua feels like he is working alone, but Julie
thinks their partnership is going well.

After a while, Anthony Ryan and Laura deside to scrap their cage. And now Becky and Kimberly are at odds about if their dress looks spacey (with gold lamaze, yeah honey, it does). Luckily Becky is vetoing that shit. And now we are finding out that apparently Fallene doesn't know how to follow the grain of fabric. But Bryce has just gotten out of school so he knows all that shit. He is a bit pretentious about it. Which I kind of understand because that is important for good fashion. But he doesn't need to be so patronizing about it.

Tim Visit:
He loves Joshua and Julie's pants (and I so agree!).

He seems a bit worried about the proportions of top to bottom on Danielle and Celilia's outfit.

Bert and Viktor are throwing each other under the bus to Tim. OMG, boys! Grow up! Tim is concerned that their dress is a "me" and not a "we".

Tim thinks they are on point if they can pull it all off. Possible wow moment.

Becky and Kimberly don't seem to get along or not get along. Weird.

Tim is telling Fallene to own her outfit, which was her biggest problem last week.

He thinks that their fabric selection is "unexpected" which could be good or bad.

Evening in the workroom:
Cecilia is melting down over the chiffon.

And now it is time for fittings. Everyone is melting down! Bryce is still not happy with Fallene's boddice. She has to redo it. And she is literally melting down. Honey, if you are losing it so much on challenge three, you are screwed for later in the season. If you make it that far.

Cut to: 4:30 am
Bryce has decided to screw the boddice and make a tube top instead. And Fallene has given up. Joshua seems ready to kill Julie. But in a cute way! Olivare didn't have time to sew everything and it might fall apart. Well, that would be fun!

There is a mad scramble at the end. Fallene is making a headpiece with feathers. I am concerned. Joshua and Julie seem to have pulled it all together. The hair/makeup seems to be shaking up to be crazy. Crazy crazy.

Fallene is melting down again because she feels like she hasn't contributed anything to the outfit. Which she hasn't. Luckily, Tim is there to calm her down.

Runway: (Check out the Outfits)
Joshua/Julie: That outfit is cramazing! I am all about those pants! Like, whoa.

Bert/Viktor: For how much crap they went through, that dress is really boring.

Bryce/Fallene: I'm not sure about all the black, but I like the overall look. I dig a dark ballerina.

Becky/Kimberly: I like the jewels on the bottom of the pants, but I'm not loving the whole outfit. The color is gross.

Olivare/Anya: I honestly can't decide if I like it or not. It seems ok, but slightly sloppy? Especially in the top.

Cecilia/Danielle: No. Just no. The top is a bad color for runway. And that collar is bad. And that hair. That hair. WTF?

Anthony/Laura: That is pretty fierce. Except the model looks like a drag queen in the face. But that dress is just on this side of costume.

I would put Anthony/Laura, Joshua/Julie in the top; Cecilia/Danielle, Becky/Kimberly in the bottom.

Olivare/Anya are safe. Anthony/Laura, Cecilia/Danielle, Becky/Kimberly are in the top. What? WHAT? Seriously, WTF? This is unacceptable judging!

Anthony/Laura: Not costumey, dramatic, elegant, slightly referential, would still be fabulous if it was scaled down

Danielle/Cecillia: It is nice, pretty, good fabric, not enough drama

Kimberly/Becky: Nicely tailored, sharp, almost perfect, half collar looks circusy

Bert/Viktor: Tacky, old, looks like Marie Antoinette went all Von trapp on the curtains (Thanks you Kardashian person), bad costume

Fallene/Bryce: Black Swan, no effort, the idea has promise, no detail, the headpiece is fierce (and it totally is)

Joshua/Julie: Halloween costume, weird proportions, tiny arms, well made (I still think this is my favorite outfit)

I love when Heidi makes the designers say who should go home if their look is in the bottom. Some people say themselves, but most people throw their partner to the lions. Love it!

Here is my question with judging: Were they supposed to make a ready to wear look? Because I thought they were supposed to do a dramatic statement piece. I'm going to go back and check when I finish the episode.

Laura is the winner! I'm good with that. Though seriously, Anthony Ryan needs to win something here soon.

Fallene is out. Which really, after all the melting down she did, she really needed to go. Plus, I like Viktor, he gives good quote!

Overall, I found this episode full of drama, but weird. The judging was strange and I'm not sure it really went with what the challenge was. I think the judges were on crack tonight. Hopefully, they will be back on form next week.

Fun Quotes:
"Your job is to make sure that your look will stand out, but be in, at the same time"--Heidi
"Anything in life can be pleated"--Joshua
"Oooo. Drama on 34th street"--Viktor (I think)
"Good lord. That thing is gastly"--Becky, re: Viktor and Bert
"If Josh wants to bedazzle, I'm going to let him"--Julie, making a really good decision to not fight Josh on sparkle!
"It's like someone punched you in the stomach and pushed you down the stage"--Viktor
"The hair is crazy. I mean, my God"--Michael Kors
"It is like the wallpaper and curtains at a really tacky catoring hall"--Michael Kors
"Drama doesn't mean tacky"--Michael Kors

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Midweek Mancandy: Christopher Gorham/Sendhil Ramamurthy

The summer season finale of Covert Affairs aired yesterday and in honor of that, our Midweek Mancandy is about the two biggest hotties on the show: Christopher Gorham and Sendhil Ramamurthy.

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I have been a fan of both of these guys since before Covert Affairs premiered, and may or may not have been overly excited when I started watching Covert Affairs and they were both in it!

Gorham is most well known for playing Henry on Ugly Betty, though he also starred in Harper's Island, Out of Practice, medical Investigation, Jake 2.0, Odyssey 5, and Popular. A long career full of things most people haven't seen or even heard of. The draw of Gorham is two-fold. First, he seems like (and usually plays characters who are) a nerdy, nice guy. Highly adorable, but also smart and funny. And then secondly, his abs. Never underestimate the power of a really well built guy. Especially one who looks nerdy when fully clothed.

Ramamurthy is most well known for playing Mohinder in Heroes and really hasn't been in much else (at least that I've heard of, except for an episode of Psych). Ramamurthy has the same pleasure (for the viewer) of being shirtless occasionally, and while not as muscled up as Gorham, he still brings the hot. Ramamurthy plays annoyed very well, but also seems like deep down, he is an action guy.

In a battle between the two, though Chris Gorham wins on abs (and they tie on hot arms), I have to give the Mancandy win to Sendhil Ramamurthy (did you even realize it was a competition? everything is a competition). Don't get me wrong, I am all sorts of in love with Gorham. But if I had to choose only one, I would have to go with the more actiony Ramamurthy. But really, why choose when you can watch Covert Affairs and get both!

Monday, August 8, 2011

Bachelor Pad: A Glorious Three Hours of Trash

Ah, "Bachelor Pad." A show that allows losers from "The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" a chance at love, a quarter of a million dollars and a raging case of herpes.

Seriously, though, Kel and I have been looking forward to this pile of reality TV doo-doo since we figured out it was like a mix of "The Bachelor" and "Survivor," with the contestants voting each other out of the mansion. We couldn't resist. And so, Monday night contained a glorious three hours of a reality TV cesspool that made us feel delightfully dirty.

First things first ... we had to figure out who was who. It's not easy, considering that the contestants have virtually no distinguishing characteristics aside from hair color. There is no diversity, and everybody is vapid and shallow and incredibly stupid. So, OK, we're not going to worry about everybody. There are 18 famewhores on this show, and we can't possibly keep them straight. The drama center of the house, though, is going to be Jake and Vienna, who got engaged on "The Bachelor," then had a very nasty, very public breakup. Kel explains the drama:
"Jake was a bachelor, he picked Vienna, then they broke up.
Gia started dating Wes on last bachelor pad, then Wes cheated on her with Vienna. After all that drama, vienna started dating Kasey.
I feel sad for my life choices that I know all of that."

Gia and Kasey are also on this season.

There are several other ex-couples and notable on this season, too, including:
Justin "The Wrestler," from Alli's season, who had a girlfriend while he was on the show.
Holly and Michael, who were engaged until Holly panicked and broke it off.
Blake, aka Listerine from last season, who seems to have picked up a douche-virus while they were off traveling the world with Ashley.
Ames, who Kel and I will be rooting for because he's adorable and might actually have a brain.

The people all greet each other, and the ex-couples greetings are the most wonderfully awkward thing I've seen on TV since Richard Hatch showed off his dangly bits on "Survivor." They seriously talk about the weather.

Alright, so anyway, here's how Bachelor Pad runs: They couple up and do a challenge. The couple that wins the challenge gets to go on a date. They're safe from elimination. Then everybody votes - girls vote off guys, guys vote off girls. In confessional, Kasey says of Jake, "It is my plan to get him off," which made Kel giggle a lot because she has a dirty mind.

The challenge is called "Hook Up." The guys are in a harness and the girls have to hang off them, and the last couple hanging wins. The fact that the guys practically mount the girls AND the producers chose porny music for this scene means this challenge is exceedingly dirty. The teams are: Kasey/Vienna, Blake/Melissa, Michael/Holly, Kirk/Erica, Ames/Michelle, Jack/Jackie, William/Gia, Justin/Ella and Graham/Alli. "What if somebody here gets an erection?" one of the guys ask. Classy.

Kel describes the action: "The first couple to drop is William/Gia. Captain, my Captain totally gave up. But he has fun shorts on! And now Holly has given up. Graham totally drops Alli, Melissa drops, Kirk gives in, Michelle drops but not without really trying to save it. Ella loses it. 'It was worse than childbirth!' she says. Down to Vienna vs. Jake! I so didn't see that shit coming! And Kasey drops Vienna! Jake has immunity! He held on by pretending to be holding Jackie over a huge cliff. So Jake is automatically in for another week and we get the added benefit of Vienna and Kasey being pissy. Awesomesauce!"

After the challenge, Vienna bitches at Kasey for not winning, even though they beat everyone except one team. Dick move! After she's FINALLY done berating Kasey for being a loser, they decide to work on a strategy. Team Vienna is Michelle, Vienna, Holly, Erica, Alli, Kirk, Kasey, Michael and Graham, and they are trying to vote Justin off. So then, Justin tries to make a deal with Team Vienna. Then, he turns around and tells Team Jake everything. They are all surprised that Justin is playing both sides. It's like watching "Survivor," but with really stupid people.

Jake and Jackie, meanwhile, go on their date to Hollywood. They make a third-grade girl cry, but only because she was so excited to meet Jake. Kel recaps: "And they are super nice to her. So, he totally isn't the devil! This date is nice and subtle, one might say understated. Not showy at all. They are having dinner on top of the "El Capitan" marquee. And Jake opens up about his breakup." Jake tells Jackie that Vienna sold their breakup story to a tabloid for tens of thousands of dollars before she broke up with Jake, then just left their apartment. If this is even remotely true, Vienna is a psycho bitch. Then, the talk turns to strategy. They toy with giving it to Vienna, or giving it to someone who isn't in danger at all. When they get back to the house, Jackie wusses out and makes Jake decide, but this is really quite a smart move, because then the heat goes back to Jake. More strategery happens. Kelly explains, "Jake thinks it is a good idea to discuss strategy with Justin. And dammit, Justin makes sense that it would be a terrible idea to give it to Vienna. However, I think it would be amazeballs for him to give the rose to Vienna. It is like with bullies, the best strategy is to be nice to them to throw them off. Gia is hurt that Jake is contemplating Vienna. "

They end up giving the rose to ... Vienna, much to the delight of The Pop Tarts. Operation Mindfuck is a go! Gia cries. Vienna is uber-pissed. Jake wants to have a conversation, and he apologizes for how he acted when they had their break-up special on TV. He's either a great actor or he's sincere. The apology pisses Vienna off more than if Jake yelled at her. Vienna then goes off to sleep naked with Kasey (in a house full of other people? GROSS!). We know this because they show creepy security camera-type footage. Blech.

Kel, since she is a student of all things strategy, explains the strategery going on: "Gia is a fighter! And she is going to try to make a deal with Kasey to stay around. I like seeing someone fight to not leave a stupid show. Gia and Kasey are now forming an alliance. I'm guessing she is going to screw him over by the end of the show. Ah, when did William get sucked into Team Vienna? And someone just told Alli that she was probably going home. WTF people? Don't tell people your plan! That gives them time to try to block that shit! Vienna is trying to get Gia out. Kasey is supposedly allied with Gia. It all comes down to Kasey! And he wants to save Gia, but Vienna doesn't want him to. Oh, the drama!

Justin tried to play both sides. And magically everyone knows about it. And want to vote him out because of it. And now he is trying to spin it that he isn't really playing both sides. Listerine is working hard to try to get Kasey off. I am a fan of this plan, not because I don't like Kasey, but because it is the scenario that will most piss off Vienna. "

Then it's rose ceremony time, which is good because The Pop Tarts were getting a little punchy and declaring how much we enjoyed this show, which is ridiculous because Bachelor Pad is a TERRIBLE show! Also, all the girls were wearing really fug dresses. Safe are: Ames, Erica, Blake, Holly, William, Michelle, Kirk, Ella, Michael, Melissa and Graham. It's down between Kasey and Justin and Gia and Alli. Aaaaand ... Alli and Justin are out. Neither screwed the other over, which sucks. But Justin goes out swinging - he even steals Jake's rose!

Quotes of the Night:
"Vienna's really been around the Bachelor Block"--Erica
"This is probably one of the hardest things I've ever did"--Gia
"He uses really big words which is pretty attractive"--Holly, in reference to Blake, after he says "dysfunctional"
"Know what happens when you have one too many? Erica becomes your partner"--Kirk
"You hooked up the longest."--Chris Harrison, definitely a fan of the single entendre.
"Kasey needs to realize that he isn't here for himself. He is here for me."--Vienna, she is totally a manipulator. Female Bentley much?
"You are the pilot, you work well under pressure."--Jackie
"Wow. That rose is like super important."--Justin
"They showed up in an elephant at the door" (in reference to the Trojans), "You never win without the queen"--Gia.
"I'm a Jedi genius master"--Kasey

Kel recaps the rest of the season tease: "This season on Bachelor Pad: We are trying to find love (they can find love, if by love they mean herpes)! And there will be fantasy suites! And we are anti-Blake. Or pro-Blake. There seems to be lots about Blake. Tears! so many tears! Mostly about Blake. And there are couples! So many couples. Couples that will not last the season. And Vienna whining. And Kasey calling Vienna a fame-whore! What Up! Vienna is totally going to screw over Kasey. I literally cannot wait!"

And finally, the tag at the end made The Pop Tarts' entire day ... featuring the return of Batman from last season! Words cannot describe. Go watch it if you missed it.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

"True Blood:" Pain and Torture

I literally yelled at "True Blood" at the end of tonight, because they left us with a dramatic cliffhanger that very easily could mean the death of a pretty major character ... with repercussions for several others. I've always watched this show in season-length chunks on DVD. Watching them as they air is hard!

Tonight's episode, "The Cold Grey Light of Dawn," was that episode where nothing too much actually happens until the end, but it sets up the epic run to the season finale.

So, first things first. When we left Marnitonia, she had lured Sheriff Luis Patino into her cell. She gets him to kill a (human) guard and tells him to deliver a message to King Bill: "Antonia is returned." Which he does by shooting Bill (with normal bullets, thankfully). Bill stakes Luis, but before he erupts into a shower of bloody pulp, he says one word: Resurreccion.

Decomposing Pam, meanwhile, fights Tara and her girlfriend, Naomi. As she's choking Tara, a crowd gathers, so rather than kill her, Pam lets her go with a dire warning. The crowd's reaction to Pam's less-than-stellar look is one of the few moments of levity in the episode: "Is she a zombie?" one asks. "I am not a zombie!" Pam growls. "That's just what a zombie would say!" Hee. Pam runs away, back to Shreveport, where she gets her skin peeled off (ouch!) and gets Botox-like injections (four times a day forever!) in her butt, arms and temples (eww!) to heal her face and make herself pretty. Of course, she's still rotting.

Tara almost immediately breaks it off with Naomi, citing the fact that everybody she loves ends up dying. I'm hoping that things will end up good for Tara at the end of this season - the girl has been a punching bag too much. The next time we see Tara, she's drinking vodka as she walks down the road and, as luck has it, meets Marnitonia, who shows Tara her own rape and torture at the hands of vampires and convinces her to get a group of witches together to "avenge our torment." Tara agrees.

Jason attempts to exercise his way out of his sudden sexual feelings for Jessica when who shows up but Hoyt. He's worried about Jason because he was raped and because of the whole werepanther thing, but their conversation is slightly strained because of Hoyt's feeling that Jessica is slipping away from him. "Jason, I can't lose her," Hoyt says. "It'll kill me if I lose her." Gulp.

Jessica, meanwhile, is getting a convenient (for less attentive viewers!) recap of the Antonia situation from Bill. At this point, my mind wandered slightly since I still remembered the Antonia story from just last week, and I realized that power really suits Bill. He is hotter than I've ever seen him on the show. Grr. Anyway, Bill then gathers the sheriffs and tells them to make everyone leave the state, and if they don't leave the state, they are to chain themselves to their beds or in their coffins with silver so they don't go meet the sun when Marnitonia casts her spell.

Debbie and Alcide join the Shreveport pack - Debbie joyfully, Alcide reluctantly. Debbie is pissed that Alcide is still thinking about Sookie wandering around in the woods on a full moon night, but Debbie reluctantly agrees to search for them. So, of course, they stumble upon Sookie and Eric still having their sexy forest sex from last week. Alcide looks mighty unhappy about that.

But the Eric and Sookie sexcapades don't stop there! They also have sex on the entryway rug, in Sookie's La-Z-Boy, and in Sookie's bed! After some gratuitous sex, it's time for snuggles and pillow talk! Eric asks Sookie if she will still want him when he remembers all of his memories. "I hope I would. I hope I will," she says. Don't we all, if it means more naked Alexander Skarsgaard?

Tommy, by the way, is not dead. He had "food poisoning," the nurse tells Sam. Oh, if only.

The vampires all silver themselves in some slightly gratuitous scenes of vampire torture, and we're off. Eric elects to stay with Sookie rather than flee the state, and Sookie stays with Eric as the sun comes up and he is tortured by both the silver and the fact that he can't fall asleep so he's bleeding out of his ears. While she lays there with him, they talk about whether Sookie can really still be with Eric when he gets his memories back. If she can't forgive him, he says, "I'm perfectly happy as I am with you."

Day dawns, and Jesus explains about Tio Luca to Lafayette on their way back to Bon Temps from Mexico. Turns out Tio Luca was a healer, but each life cost him a little bit of his own life. Lafayette is a medium - someone who can channel dead people - but he tells Jesus, "I felt like a giant-ass puppet for your uncle." Jesus tells Lafayette he doesn't have a choice - he needs to use his gift. When Lafayette gets back to Bon Temps, then, he sees the mysterious woman in the kitchen, singing in French to Arlene's baby, Mikey. Mysterious!

The next morning, Sam calls Luna and, of course, she's extremely pissed when Sam acts like he didn't sleep with her and kick her out of his trailer (because, of course, it was Tommy). "How can I say this in a way you can't misinterpret? Fuck you!" she says. Sam then goes to the school where Luna works and they have one of those slightly funny conversations that people on TV and in movies have sometimes when they don't know the same information. You know, Sam's like, "I thought we had a great time last time I saw you?" and Luna's like, "Are you drunk?" But finally, the truth comes out and they realize that Tommy was skinwalking. Sam hurries back to his trailer and kicks Tommy to the curb.

Alcide and Debbie have trouble while having sex. (Thank you, "True Blood" writers, for figuring out a way to get Joe Manganiello shirtless again!) Debbie can't get Sookie and Eric out of her head and she's afraid that Alcide is in love with Sookie. Alcide says that he's happy with her. "Forever?" Debbie asks. "Forever," Alcide says. I smell trouble in the form of Debbie Pelt. At least, I hope so.

While they're chained in silver, Bill apologizes to Jessica for turning her into a vampire, but Jessica tells him, "I've lived more with you than I ever did with my human parents." She also talks about Hoyt - specifically, how he loves her more than she loves him. "I don't have a human heart anymore," she says, but Bill assures her that all vampires are humans to the core. Bill talks a bit more about the Marnitonia situation and tells Jessica that they shouldn't fight violence and killing with violence and killing. He says that when he survives the day, he wants to do good. Jessica assures him that he did do good by making her. "And when I survive the day, I'm going to eat that fucking witch, starting with her face." I love Jessica.

The witches, recruited by Tara, come together at the magic shop and Marnitonia explains that they're going to kill the vampires. "Vampires are not immortal. They are only harder to kill," she says. They join hands and chant, and as Sookie runs upstairs to tell Jason what's up (he came to Sookie's door), a violent wind starts blowing. Sookie rushes to Eric, who is screaming in the basement, and Jason's first thought is Jessica. The vampires all start to try to get out - a faithful Fangtasia fangbanger climbs on top of Pam's coffin - and Maxine Foytenberry's neighbor walks out in her curlers and nightgown and burns in the sun. "I knew it!" Maxine hisses. Jessica pulls herself free and, ignoring Bill's pleas to let him out, too, climbs up the stairs. Jason gets tripped up by the guards around Bill's mansion. Jessica walks across the entry way and flings open the door. "The sun!" she cries.

And ... scene.

Thanks a lot, "True Blood." I have to wait an entire week to find out whether they're going to kill a major character. And after I watched the preview for next week's episode, it appears I also have to wait another week for the oft-discussed Sookie/Eric shower scene. Get ready, people ... if it's anything like the scene in the book, it's going to get steamy!

What did you think of this week's "True Blood?" Is Jessica going to fry, right in front of Jason's eyes? Is Debbie going to go bad, bad, very bad? And did we finally get rid of Tommy? Sound off below!

Friday, August 5, 2011

Project Runway: Birdseed, Bedding, and Wee-wee Pads

I have been hardcore avoiding any spoilers/descriptions/opinions about this episode of Project Runway since I am watching it a day late. Never again! Plus, it also means that Jen hijacked my recap! So I am doing a competing recap. Some friendly competition is good for everyone!

Onward! And again, since there are 15 people and I have no idea who anyone is yet, I am going to be mentioning only the highlights and then critiquing the runway. Prepare for the bitchiness!

"Unleash. Leash. Fetish. S&M."--Joshua. Oh Joshua, you are out-quipping Sir Quips-a-lot aka Michael Kors. And I dig what you are wearing. Sorta punk.

Unconventional Challenge! They have to shop at a pet store. And are warned not to use a lot of "fabric". I was just going to make a smart-ass comment about if the animals can be used, but then someone actually asked Tim that.

Oh, editors, you are so fabulous! Tim tells one designer that they probably don't want to use a dog bed. Cut to Bert asking for help getting a dog bed down.

They only have one day to finish (plus a few hours on runway day). Cue the panic!

Julie is using the paper from the packaging. Which seems like a total cop-out.

Multiple people are using animal food as "beads". Which will either be hot or a hot mess.

I like Laura's (aka Designer Barbie) idea of using the cone of silence as a skirt. are from Ohio...what is with the accent?

"This isn't fashion, this is trashion"--Dark-haired guy whose name they didn't post (apparently his name is Viktor)! Come on! If you are on Project Runway, you know they are going to make you use bizarre materials in one challenge. Don't whine about it! Luckily Joshua (who grew up in the theatre) is embracing it. He seems like he could go from camp to over the top ugly fast.

When in doubt, cut to a quip by Joshua! Or a clip of someone using the term "wee-wee pad". That could be a fun drinking game. Take a shot anytime someone says "wee-wee pad". It gets funnier every time someone says it. And Bryce is making himself laugh by saying it, too. Good times. Immaturity for the win. "It's like a depends dress. You don't ever have to get up from your bar stool"--Tim.

I would like Joshua to narrate my life! What he says and the way he says it is so over the top and camp. He would make everything more exciting.

I like the unconventional challenges because everything is either really awesome or really ugly. Nothing is safe! That is ideal for a good runway.

Oooo Laura's skirt is vulgar on her model. It doesn't cover anything. And she is redoing it all. Good plan on that. Joshua is also rethinking his design. I like when people don't get so attached to their "vision" that they put out crap.

"Oh my Lord of the Rings"--Viktor. That is absolutely my favorite thing ever! It combines camp and nerdiness. What up!

"I don't want to look like a dog on the catwalk"--Cecilia. Nice!

And now for the runway! With the normal judges and guest judge designer Stacey Bendet.
(To see the looks, check out the Project Runway website)

Danielle: I like the colors, but it is just fine. Don't love or hate.

Fallene: I dig the bright color of the skirt and the texture.

Anthony: Love. It. That looks so cool. The neck is fierce.

Bert: That is hein. I hate that. The shape is terrible. "It is a little Shirley McClain playing the part of a hooker"--Viktor. It just makes the model look way out of proportion.

Julie: It looks like bags. It doesn't seem very transformed.

Anya: Love the top, but the bottom looks like it is conventional material?

Bryce: I actually like it, even though it is weird. I dig the color.

Kimberly: That is pretty funky and cool. Bit tight.

Josh: I like the lime green belt and the color. But again, boring and super short skirt.

Viktor: Love! That is fierce. It looks high quality. Perhaps not super inventive.

Cecilia: I definitely like the skirt, but can't decide if I like the look overall. The belt looks very shiny compared to how organic the rest of the outfit looks.

Olivare: He managed to make a super weird texture super boring.

Becky: I like! Such fun colors and texture. The model looks slightly awkward walking in it.

Laura: I actually really like that. Nice shape.

Joshua: Holy Neon, Batman! I so love it. Except for the skirt being slightly see-through. Oh honey, no!

Danielle, Julie, Laura, Viktor, Becky, Cecilia, Kimberley, Anya, Bert are all safe. But Bert gets a smackdown on his design. Word, Heidi!

Anthony--Good shape on the model. And it looks expensive. It doesn't necessarily look like seeds on first glance. Just a touch short.

Olivare--(I thought he was bottom. Ooops!) They like pretty much everything about this long. It looks tailored and an interesting use of materials. I still think it is boring.

Joshua--A good length for a skirt at last! They aren't digging the styling...She looks like "Sea-Vixen Barbie"--Michael Kors. But he gets mad props for color!

Bryce--The judges hate a tissue dress. The fit in the top isn't good. They hate the styling. Poor Bryce!

Josh--Even in his description, he doesn't seem to believe in his dress. Wah-wah. And everything about his look is conventional. And the fit is off. Kiss of death from is just ok.

Fallene--The judges think it is too simple a shape and bad colors. And she isn't owning her design. I don't actually think this look is that terrible. Other people were worse.
I never know what the judges are going to like. If it were me, I'd send home Josh and I'd give the win to Joshua (possibly Anthony).

I like the bitchy judging! Heidi is loving on Anthony and Nina/Michael are liking Olivare more. I'm guessing than that Joshua isn't going to win...

And the winner is Olivare! I think we can safely assume that whatever I think is going to happen will not happen. I am always wrong.

And the person going home is Josh! Oh, so I am half right on my predictions! Werq! I liked the concept of Josh, but he never really brought it in the challenges.

I am fine with the results here. I would rather see crazy ugly (see: Santino) than boring (see: Gretchen). And next week will be a group challenge! Which means tons of drama and bitchiness. Can't wait!