Friday, February 22, 2013

If It Were a Romance Novel: Beauty & the Beast

Everyone knows the Disney movie Beauty & the Beast. Gorgeous girl lives in tiny town and is pursued by the hottest guy in town. Dad gets kidnapped by a beast. Girl trades her life for her father's. Girl falls in love with the beast. Hot guy tries to save girl by attempting to kill the beast. Beast turns into a guy and gets the girl.

If Beauty & the Beast was a romance novel, Gaston would be the hero. And really, he deserves to be the hero.

Gaston is definitely a classic rogue character. He assumes that any woman he wants should immediately fall in love with him. He definitely oversteps his bounds when he sets up a marriage without Belle's consent. However, he isn't really all in the wrong, especially when he is trying to save Belle from the Beast. All Gaston knows is that Maurice and Belle had been kidnapped. Belle tries to show how "nice" the Beast is, but when she does, all Gaston sees is the Beast raging. He really is just trying to save Belle and the town from a rage-filled Beast.

I am not suggesting that Belle and Gaston should end up together. Belle is obviously suffering from Stockholm Syndrome. But Gaston deserves a happy ending of his own. He needs a strong woman who is going to call him out on his bullshit and bring him back down to earth a bit. In a romance-novel world, Gaston would find a woman to nurse him back to health after his fall from the Beast's castle. Someone who will recognize that he was just trying to do right by the town (from a guy who was such a jerk that he was turned into an animal by a witch).

Gaston is strong, handsome, driven, owns a tavern, fights for what he wants, and tries to do what he thinks is the right thing to do. He just needs to have someone direct him into a more positive way. Reformed rogues make the best husbands (in romance-novel world, at least!).

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Midweek Mancandy: Jai Courtney

You may have seen him in "Spartacus" Season 1, "Jack Reacher" and, most recently, "A Good Day to Die Hard."

That's right ... this week's Midweek Candy is Jai Courtney!

Why hello! What a big ... gun you have!

It's simple. Here's why he's hot:
  • He's Australian, which means hot Australian accent. Always good. Always.
  • He can play both good guys and bad guys, and does both well. 
  • He plays really badass guys. Like, he's believable as the son of Original '80s Badass John McClane.
  • He kind of smirks in pictures, and that is really adorable. Clearly, he has a sense of humor about things, and a sense of humor always amps up the hotness factor.
  • He looks like he and Tom Hardy could be (really really ridiculously hot) brothers. Mmmm. That's our kind of brothers! 
  • You've seen his abs, right?

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Midweek Mancandy: Bruce Willis

Whatever you are giving up for Lent, we hope it isn't ogling hot gentlemen on the internet! Because we are back in full force giving you a delightful midweek mancandy candidate. Today's hot guy: Bruce Willis.

Bruce Willis is a hot older gentleman. At 57, he still seems to be in his prime. We mean, he is still kicking ass in every movie and looking pretty damn fine doing it. He is rugged-sexy, much like Daniel Craig, but he has a bit more everyman appeal.

He is also a great actor. Of course, probably his best-known role is as John McClane in the "Die Hard" franchise - and there's another movie in that franchise out on Thursday! - but he's also been wonderful in a variety of movies, including "Pulp Fiction," "The Sixth Sense," "Sin City," "Cop Out," "Red" and, of course, "The Expendables" and "The Expendables 2." Let's face it, friends - there's nothing hotter than a guy who can act, especially when his best acting includes shooting bad guys and tossing off lines like, "Yippee-kay-yay, motherfucker."

Yippee-kay-yay, indeed, Mr. Willis. We salute you!

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Patrick Wilson: "Bachelorette" Hot. Also, he could totally get Lena Dunham.

Neither of us watch HBO's controversial hit "Girls," owing to the fact that we don't pay for HBO (except, in Jen's case, when "Game of Thrones" and "True Blood" is on, because she cannot miss that epic awesomeness) and we're too busy watching Food Network on Sunday nights anyway. (Hello! "Worst Cooks in America" starts next week! Priorities!)

But we did have to discuss whether it was unbelievable that a girl who looks like lead actress Lena Dunham would be able to hook a guy who looks like Patrick Wilson, which her character apparently did in Sunday's episode. The discussion apparently comes from Slate's "Guys on Girls" recap, where David Haglund declares, "But presumably there are things that Hannah would not, in any world that resembled our own, get. Such as Patrick Wilson, for instance. I want to suspend my disbelief—just as viewers have, for generations, imagined that Al could get Peggy and Homer could get Marge and Jim Belushi could snag Courtney Thorne-Smith. But the show needs to work harder to make that seem feasible. And not pile implausibility upon implausibility."

We could talk about the apparent sexism when people don't believe that Lena Dunham could get Patrick Wilson, but they do believe schlubby guys can get hot girls, but, meh. If you're really interested in that, there are probably about 700 milllion articles about that already. And yes, it sucks - down with sexism!!! - but the real thing we got to talking about was whether Patrick Wilson is really that hot.

Following is our (slightly edited) text conversation about it:

Kel: Have you heard about the "Girls" controversy about how Lena Dunham is not hot enough for Patrick Wilson? Is it just me or is he not that hot due to being a bit generic?

Jen: Yeah, he's not like super super hot. He's alright though.

Kel: He is like ... "Bachelorette" hot.

Jen: I haven't seen him in a ton except "Watchmen." He was good as a washed-up masked vigilante who dresses as an owl.

Jen: I think "Bachelorette" hot is a perfect description.

Thus concludes our stimulating and exciting text conversation, and we have coined a new term: "'Bachelorette' hot," meaning that the guy is generically good-looking enough to be a contestant on "The Bachelorette," but is not actually particularly hot as compared to other, more attractive actors.

What do you think of Patrick Wilson? Is he "Bachelorette" hot, or really hot? And could a girl like Lena Dunham snag him?

Monday, February 11, 2013

The Pop Tarts: Back to Blogging

It has been a while and a half since we blogged, huh? We blame both being busy and being lazy...cold winter months just seem good for curling up with a good book and not doing anything. But coming soon will be many new and exciting blogs. Topics may include:

Resurgence of Midweek Mancandy--Who doesn't love a nice break in their week to objective a hot actor and/or musician and/or other celebrity type?

If Beauty & the Beast Were a Romance Novel--Kel has been kicking around an idea, mostly due to her new crush on Gaston, on how to reconfigure Beauty & the Beast into a romance novel. Possibly the start of a series.

Pop Tarts Book Club--Kel takes full responsibility for this one lagging a bit. She refuses to finish the book because she got really bored with nothing happening in the middle. She promises to read it soon so a recap can happen.

Fangirl Squee Updates--Instead of just emailing each other great pictures of Benedict Cumberbatch as the "Star Trek Into Darkness" villain or new news about "Doctor Who," we will post it, with appropriate fangirl zeal, here!

Whatever Else We Feel Like Posting--Pretty self-explanatory. You just never know what we're going to write about!

Stay tuned!!!!!