Project Runway: Leashes, Asses and Heidi Peeing on Dresses

Time for a wee-wee pad-tastic episode of "Project Runway!" Kel was a bit of a slacker this week ... she went and actually spent time with a friend instead of watching "Project Runway!" I seriously question her commitment to Sparkle Motion. Anyway, you are lucky enough that you will get my late-night ramblings about "Runway" this week!

Heidi tells the designers that they will unleash their creativity on the next challenge. Joshua M's mind goes straight to "leash, fetish, S&M." Pervy! We gotta keep our eye on that boy.

They go to Petland. Olivier is worried because he hasn't had pets. "I had rabbits when I was young, but they all died."

But, no, Joshua, it's the unconventional challenge - spend $300 on crap at the pet store and make a garment. Tim Gunn gives them the dire warning that the judges don't respond well to fabric-like materials. Fallene is looking forward to having a whimsical look because "I don't take fashion too seriously." Eeeeep. Bert is glad he has immunity, because the costume-y stuff is "not my strength ... I just don't wanna do it."

There are some neat ideas. Julie wants to use the packages. Anthony Ryan is using seeds. Cecelia is using dog food. Bryce is using wee-wee pads. Laura is using a doggie neck cone thing and aquarium sand. "This is not fashion. This is trashion," Olivier says.

Speaking of Olivier, the guy with the weird accent - he's from Ohio. Can you say "poser?"

Meanwhile, Bert is using conventional materials! Bad boy! "I'm glad I've got immunity. Doo-dah, doo-dah," he sings. "But if you abuse immunity they get mad!" one of the girls (perhaps Julie) says. Bert is "phoning in this tacky-ass dress," Becky says. It really is hideous when Tim comes in to look at it. He's going all simple again, which he is going to have to get over if he wants to get far.

Joshua M. is having a super-crazy time with his outfit. He believes "more is more," which I love. But the judges don't always think that way. Let's hope he sticks around for a while. Or at least gets his garment done!

Laura's cone skirt doesn't work - you can see her model's asscheeks - so she goes with cardboard for the skirt instead. It must be hard to scrap her design, but she is smart. You can't send a model down the runway with her ass hanging out.

At the end of the day, everybody is afraid they're up shit creek without a paddle.

But runway day dawns, and everybody's refreshed. Or not. Everybody's still freaking out. Anya doesn't have a garment at all yet - at that rate, her model may go down the runway with no skirt. Anthony is madly gluing birdseed to a muslin skirt. "To go home over birdseed and hot glue ... it would be devastating." He ends up making his model lay down so he can glue birdseed to her dress. Bryce knows his is "not a winning look."

And then, before we know it, it's time for the runway show! Guest judge is fashion designer Stacy Bendet.

Danielle used rope, dog toys and wee-wee pads to make a little acid-wash denim-looking skirt and a ropey top. It's very early '80s.

Fallene used a dog bed and aquarium seaweed a little orange skirt with a pretty decent texture. It isn't a super thrilling garment, but it definitely has a cute factor.

Anthony Ryan used birdseed, and the finished product is ... lovely, actually. It has a neat effect, and he used sunflower seeds to make a cool detailing at the neck.

Bert used a dog bed and bird cage netting to make a shapeless black dress with a couple of pink ruffles at the neck. Bo. Ring. I love you to pieces, Bert, but you are so on notice.

Julie used leashes and dog food bags to make a woven dress. It doesn't move too well and has a crazy-ass hemline. I like the idea but I'm not a fan of the execution.

Anya used leashes and rope dog toys to make a halter dress. The bodice is really cool with the rope dog toys and the skirt is neat. It's a pretty decent look.

Bryce used hamster bedding and wee-wee pads to make a blue froofy crop top and a blue fluffy dress. It is kind of a hot mess. In fact, there's no kind of. Hot. Mess.

Kimberly used a dog pillow and aquarium tubing to make a blue tubing bodice and black skirt. It's a little plain overall, but I like the bodice detailing. I think it crosses the line into slightly skanky though, especially with the styling.

Josh C. used an umbrella and reptile cage lining to make a pretty halter top and skirt. It's alright, but he should get dinged for using safe materials and being sort of boring.

Viktor used wee-wee pads to make a fantastic little purple minidress. It's really a pretty kick-ass dress - I love the way he layered the wee-wee pads that were dyed at different intensities.

Cecelia used dog collars and hamster bedding to make a little textured minidress. It's a neat effect, but a little plain. Also, the fit was not the best.

Olivier used a dog bed and hamster bedding to make a little top and skirt set. I like the texture, but I would love some color! But maybe that's just me.

Becky used aquarium flowers to make a fuschia, lime green and yellow color-blocked minidress. I love all the colors and texture, but it kind of skews a little too colorful for high fashion.

Laura used cat-scratch cardboard and leashes to make a skirt and top. I love the retro shape of the skirt, but it doesn't move great. However, she didn't use any fabric, so she should automatically win.

Joshua M. used aquarium rocks and reptile cage lining to make an incredibly colorful top and black skirt. The skirt is just OK (and is pretty see-through!_, but the top is absolutely incredible. And I love the details on the shoes!

Danielle, Julie, Laura, Victor, Becky, Ceclia, Kimberly, Anya and Bert are all safe. But Heidi tells Bert he is very lucky that he has immunity. "I agree," Bert says. He'd best be on his best behavior from now on or Heidi will "Auf" him so fast his head will spin.

Time to defend their looks!

Bryce is first. "We have seen more ugly napkin clothes over the years," Kors says. He hates the dress, the bodice doesn't fit and he hates the styling. "She's incognito in napkins." "She looks like she's in the Blue Man Group," Nina says. They also don't like that they can tell that they're wee-wee pads.

Anthony said he decided not to pick a textile. Heidi likes the silhouette and the look around her neck. She dings it for being short, but Heidi has no room to talk since she loves to wear short skirts. Guest Judge Stacy loves it. Kors says she could walk into a party. Nina loves it too.

Nina likes the texture of Olivier's dress and loves the plastic band at the waist. She calls it "editorial" and says they would photograph it in a minute. Kors likes the shape and the way the color gets darker on the skirt as it goes down. They didn't like the fact that he glued bedding to his model's eyebrows, though.

Josh C. explains that he liked the puppy print and gave it a watercolor feel. The judges say it's too much of a normal material in conventional shapes. "It's just off," Kors says. Nina sighs deeply and says, "It's not terrible." Stacy thinks it's all too much.

Nina likes Josh M.'s color and circle shape, though doesn't like the tag on the side. Heidi thinks it's "modern and unique," but thinks the makeup is too much. Stacy thinks with materials it's "too vampy," or, in Kor's words, "Sea Vixen Barbie." "The only time you need to do too many accessories is if it's a big bore, and this isn't a big bore."

Fellene explains her "hippy-chic" outfit. Heidi says the silhouette is too simple and it doesn't excite her. The color combo bothers Nina because it's a little dated. The belt also makes it look like she has just boob and skirt, Nina says. "She truly looks like she's at a harvest festival," Kors says. "She's Miss Pumpkin." Fellene agrees with all the critiques, which clearly worries the judges.

After they left the runway, the judges rehashed their opinions. Bryce's dress especially got a lot of abuse. "That's the worst outfit I've seen in a long time," Heidi says. "I could puke already from seeing the napkin thing," Kors retorts. "I want to pee all over those wee-wee pads," Heidi says. Oh Heidi. You just said that on national TV.

Heidi and Nina argue between Anthony Ryan and Olivier and which had a better outfit. It's a close one tonight!

Olivier wins and he has immunity for next week. I would have given it to Anthony Ryan, but that's just me. I thought Olivier's look was just a bit boring. Anthony Ryan and Josh M. are in.

Bryce is also in, despite the fact that Heidi wanted to pee on it. Fellene's outfit was "boring" and they didn't like that she didn't defend it. Josh is on the bottom again, "and there's a good reason," Heidi says. They questioned if they want to see more, and they decided that they didn't. Bye-bye, Josh. I loved you, but you weren't a good enough designer. Too bad.

Next week ... models on stilts! Teams of two! Outdoor runway! A Kardashian! And, of course ... Draaaaaaaaaaaaaaama!

And finally, I'll leave you with some great quotes from tonight's episode:

Julie: In my mind, Bert, this works.
Bert: In your mind, you're the queen of Austria.

Laura: The real test is when the model puts it on and whether it reads classy or assy.

Bryce: It's going to be a wee-wee pad fashion show.

Bryce: I just giggle every time I say "wee-wee pad."

Tim (to Viktor): It's like a Depends dress! You never have to get up from your bar stool!

Tim (talking about a dress): Where it meets the wee-wee pads. I haven't said that word so many times in one day ... ever.

Laura: It looks like a dog could walk up on his skirt and pee on it and it would serve its purpose.

Joshua M.: A dress made out of dog food bags. If that's outside the box, put me back in it.