Friday, December 16, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts: Overstuffed Edition

I haven't given you fun facts in a week (I was out of town!), so you need an overstuffed edition of fun facts. Also, I went to a work holiday party and I am overstuffed with food. So... with all that, fun facts! You will be overstuffed with them!

Today is the 238th anniversary of the Boston Tea Party.

The Tea Act of 1773, which the Boston Tea Party was protesting, lowered the price of tea.

After water, tea is the most widely consumed beverage in the world.

The earliest records of tea consumption are in the 10th century BC in China.

Tea became popular during the Tang Dynasty, which is when it spread from China to Korea and Japan.

Chang'an (present day Xi'an) was the capital during the time of the Tang Dynasty and was the most populous city in the world at that time.

The Tang Dynasty developed woodblock printing.

Block printing was used in 15th century Europe as a cheaper alternative to movable type. Entire pages of books were cut into a block and then were printed by rubbing onto one side of paper.

Block printing was also used for creating playing cards.

The 52 card deck, with 4 suits of 13 cards is known as the French Deck.

The Jack is also known as the Knave, but the name was changed by Samuel Hart when he printed a J instead of a Kn on the card.

In traditional French decks, the Jack of Diamonds is the only card to show only one eye. The Jack of Diamonds is historically designed to be based on Hector, the Trojan prince and greatest Trojan fighter in the Trojan War.

The Trojan War was started by the stealing/elopement of Helen by Paris.

Helen is usually said to be the daughter of Leda and Zeus, who seduced/raped Leda in the form of a swan.

A group of swans is called a bevy. A group of flying swans is called a wedge.

The Queen of England retains the right of ownership of all unmarked mute swans in open water.

Catherine of Braganza, wife of King Charles II of England, introduced the custom of drinking tea to Britain.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts: Honey Badgers

Honey Badgers are closely related to weasels and not closely related to other badgers.

Honey Badgers are also known as Ratel, which is an Afrikaans word for honeycomb.

The Honey Badger has a gestation period of approximately six months, usually births 2 cubs, who are born blind.

Honey Badgers are mostly solitary creatures and little is known about their life expectancy and mating habits in the wild.

The Honey Badger can use tools!

They have very few natural predators due to their tough skin and aggressive nature. They are tireless in battle and can beat much larger animals by fighting until the other animal gets tired and quits.

They are mostly carnivores, but will also eat berries, roots, and bulbs.

Honey Badgers can eat poisonous animals like Cobras.

The Honey Badger will eat all parts of their prey, including hair, feather, and bone.

Honey Badger doesn't give a shit.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts: Cheese

Cheddar, Mozzarella, Swiss, and American cheese can prevent tooth decay.

Though it was commonly thought that cheese caused bad dreams, but in 2005 the British Cheese Board did a study to determine that cheese, because it contains tryptophan, actually helps with sleep.

Monterey Jack cheese contains tyramine, an organic compound thought to be associated with headaches; it is recommended as one of the few cheeses that is safe to eat for migraine sufferers.

Parmesan cheese has a very strong smell due to the aroma-active compounds, which makes it smell slightly like vomit. But in a good way.

Cheese facts seemed like a great idea in concept, but proved difficult in practice.

Meow! Catty Snap Judgements of "The Bachelor" Contestants

Kel complained non-stop about blogging The Bachelorette. And then Kel complained non-stop about blogging Bachelor Pad (p.s. - Kasey and Vienna broke up, shocking exactly no one). And with the new season of The Bachelor coming up, Kel and Jen cannot wait to blog about it (and, at least in the case of Kel, complain about it!). It will be premiering on January 2 and we can guarantee that we will be there! Watching and blogging! However, January 2 is a long way off, so to tide you over until then, we are going to judge all the girls based on their picture and mini bio from Which of these lovely ladies will win Wino's "heart?" And will she callously reject him on national TV again?

Amber, 23, Delivery and Labor Nurse
Kel: Cute, very pretty hair. I'm concerned that her favorite book is "Eat Pray Love" and her worst date memory is falling down? How is that bad?
Jen: I've never read "Eat Pray Love," but the movie was incredibly lame. And Kel doesn't think falling down is bad because she falls down all the time. I'm more concerned that she's from Canada. Those Canadians are shady.

Amber, 28, Critical Care Nurse (they are like the same person!)
Kel: Super fun earrings! On desert island, she would bring flint, a knife, and beer...practical and fun. And her greatest achievement is her career. She seems far too normal to be on this show.
Jen: Two nurses named Amber! Oh dear! She's a Nebraska girl who drinks beer and loves her career. WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THIS SHOW, AMBER!? RUN IN THE OTHER DIRECTION! YOU CAN DO BETTER!

Anna, 25, Student
Kel: Whoa poofy hair. Skydiving = cool. Best trip = Greek Islands and Ibiza = too much money and I hate you.
Jen: Another Canadian! OH MY GOSH, THEY'RE TRYING TO INVADE VIA BAD REALITY TV! I do like that she went skydiving, but it's probably just to practice invading the U.S. in case "The Bachelor" doesn't work out. Seriously, though, her hair is kind of crazy.

Blakely, 24, VIP Cocktail Waitress (What does that even mean? Is that like Playboy Club?)
Kel: She looks fake, but again with the fantastic earrings. Pet teacup Chihuahua = annoying Paris Hilton. Favorite actor being Edward Norton = maybe some taste. Being named Blakely = parents who hate you.
Jen: FAKE SMILE! I already don't trust her. She will stab a bitch in the back for fake reality-TV love. And she has a tattoo on her stomach? That just seems stupid. Also, she named her Chihuahua "Halo." This girl has no brain.

Brittney, 26, Medical Sales Rep
Kel: She looks super sweet. She will cry. Super practical in her taking of sunscreen and a flare gun to a desert island. Loves her grandparents. Football fan. I see potential, though I'm guessing she is naive.
Jen: She's a sweet as sugar pie! She will last for about 3 seconds before she starts sobbing. But, as Kelly pointed out, she's practical and likes football. I think Wino should just marry her right now.

Casey, 26, Trading Clerk
Kel: She has a touch of the crazy eyes. Favorite book is "Catcher in the Rye," which is cool. Falling in love with Holden Caulfield is weird. Best date is laughing all night, so she may have some potential.
Jen: Anybody who admits to a national audience that she peed her pants in 7th grade is either extremely confident or very stupid. I guess I should give her the benefit of the doubt ... but Kel is right, she does have the crazy eyes.

Courtney, 28, Model
Kel: Whoa crazy eyes! Did you ever watch "Kyle XY," season 2 when they had Jessie XX? And she was slightly unstable and had crazy eyes? That is Courtney. And hse is in love with love. Holy Drama, Batman!
Jen: Eek! She scares me. Courtney says that she got a puppy for Christmas, but I think she probably wanted it for ritual slaughter. She also says, "All I want is to find the right guy & love him forever." More like tie him up in the basement forever.

Dianna, 30, Nonprofit Director
Kel: Has a good job, has an autographed picture of JC Chasez, likes to camp, can't cook. I like her. She is way too normal for this show.
Jen: I don't trust anybody who loves Oprah or camping. Next!

Elyse, 24, Personal Trainer
Kel: She looks genuinely happy in her photo. She seems very fun and confident. And she grew up with a hardworking mom. Again, I like her, but she seems too normal.
Jen: She's pretty, and in a normal way! She's wearing a bit too much makeup (they all are) but she looks and seems like a normal person. Hon, I think you're on the wrong reality show.

Emily, 27, PhD Student
Kel: Seems smart, especially with her favorite book being "East of Eden." And she tries to use zumba moves on the dance floor. So, smart and dorky! I hope she makes it far!
Jen: I like that she knows that tipping a waitress like crap is wrong. She gets an automatic 10 points from me for that. She seems smart, and I am amused by the fact she was matched to her brother on a dating website. Emily, you are officially one of my favorites. (That means she will probably get out the first night.)

Erika, 23, Law Student
Kel: She has a tattoo on her lip? I assume on the inside? What is the point of that? Also, owwwww! Other than that, she seems bland.
Jen: Crazy eyes plus tattoo on her lip = RUN THE OTHER WAY, WINO! SHE WANTS TO EAT YOUR SOUUUUUUUL! Oh wait, ABC already ate your soul? Carry on.

Holly, 34, Pharmaceutical Sales Rep
Kel: She looks fake. And her answers make her sound fake. Not feeling her. Also, her worst date was because it was with a geek? Not ok.
Jen: I just threw up a little in my mouth. Vapid bitch.

Jaclyn, 27, Advertising Account Manager
Kel: Hello fake smile! Wants to be Gisele Bundchen, reads Jodi Picoult, wants to be whisked away to an undisclosed location, and likes to stroll the city while holding hands. Oh honey, no! Way to be bland and a stereotype.
Jen: Her face says, "Help! They're holding me here at gunpoint!" And her answers are such stereotypes, I'm pretty sure she's a hostage. Somebody save her!

Jamie, 25, Registered Nurse
Kel: Very pretty. Likes to read Danielle Steele and Nora Roberts, which I will not judge as I've never read them and I enjoy romance novels, too. She could go either way.
Jen: Pretty woman, but I can see her being forgotten in the parade of skinny white women with perfect teeth on this show. Her answers are totally forgettable.

Jenna, 27, blogger
Kel: Favorite book is the "Unbearable Lightness of Being." Likes to approach men and not wait for them to approach her. Thinks kissing in the rain is stupid. And she is wearing green earrings. Maybe my favorite so far.
Jen: She seems funny, smart and interesting. It'll never last.

Jennifer, 28, Accountant
Kel: Holy fake smile, Batman. And the crazy eyes. Favorite book is "The Notebook." Enough said.
Jen: Wait, she thinks love stories are unrealistic but likes "The Notebook?" Are you stupid? Also, she looks insane.

Kacie, 24, Administrative Assistant
Kel: Big reader = good. Has many of the same answers as everyone else, otherwise = boring. However, very pretty. Nice hair and fun earrings.
Jen: Pretty, with a real smile. But I agree with Kel, her answers are pretty much the same as everyone else. Yawn.

Lindzi, 27, Business Development Manager
Kel: Crazy eyes! And would bring a sombrero, pool float toys and her camera on a desert island. Way to be practical. Can change a tire = good. Thinks this makes her special = bad.
Jen: I agree, lots of women know how to change a tire. (Though, I don't. But I bet I could figure it out!) She seems dopey, both in her pictures and her answers.

Lyndsie, 29, Internet Entrepreneur (what the hell does that mean?)
Kel: Claims to be real, yet her hair looks uber uber fake. Other than that, I actually kind of like her. Fun answers to her questions.
Jen: A British gal! Whoa! I bet she's really Canadian, though. I tell you, they're taking over! She's wearing WAY too much makeup. I'm afraid she's actually like 87 years old under there.

Monica, 33, Dental Consultant
Kel: Her picture looks like a picture for an ID card. Why are all these girls hopeless romantics? And what does that even mean?
Jen: Lip gloss, pina coladas and the love of her life on a desert island. She'd be fish food, unless she plans to eat the love of her life. And, I agree with Kel - stop saying you're a "hopeless romantic." Lame!

Nicki, 26, Dental Hygienist
Kel: She looks perky. Seems to have normal values, but also seems like a "hopeless romantic."
Jen: "Perky" is the right word, Kel. I mean, one of her best attributes is "I'm fun!" I also love her use of the term "flirtatious eye contact."

Rachel, 27, Fashion Sales Rep
Kel: Has a nose stud. Moved to NYC without knowing anyone there = awesome. Oprah Bookclub reader = not as awesome.
Jen: I like that she seems to be confident. I mean, you have to be to move somewhere and not know anybody. Also, I'm with her with wanting to know what it's like to be a guy. Good answer! Color me intrigued.

Samantha, 26, Advertising Account Manager
Kel: Oooo earrings (I apparently have an earring thing today)! Wants Prince Charming. Barf.
Jen: She needs to stop with the princess myth thing. Hurl! And if the worst thing you've ever done is spilled a drink on your crotch, you live a charmed life. Get off my TV, immediately.

Shawn, 28, Financial Advisor
Kel: Oh my God! another "romantic". vomit.
Jen: Wanting to be a person in a third world country so you can experience how blessed you are is tacky. You suck.

Sheryl, old, none
Kel: WTF?
Jen: I hope Wino picks her, just because it would be SOMETHING different in this sea of cookie-cutter clones.

Shira, ??, Actress
Kel: Again, WTF? Pretty sure she's crazy.
Jen: I immediately distrust anybody who won't say their age, especially when they're as young as Shira apparently is. However, Baby Sebastian Ted Striker is a pretty epic name for a cat.

In conclusion, we just have to say: It's going to be hard to keep these girls all straight, because they're all skinny, pretty white girls who wear too much makeup and are hopeless romantics. Oh, and it's going to be a delightful train wreck to watch!

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts: Killer Food

Rabbit: If you eat nothing but rabbit, you will die. Rabbit is full of protein, but not vitamins, so you use more vitamins to digest it than you get from eating it. So on a diet of only rabbit, the more you eat of it, the quicker you die.

Mushrooms: Out of Death Cap, Peppery Milk Cap, Destroying Angel, and Trumpet of Death, the Trumpet of Death is the only one that is not poisonous. Death by mushroom is very uncommon.

Milk and Bread: If you eat nothing but bread and milk, you will dehydrate and eventually die.

Puffer Fish: The puffer fish is the second most poisonous vertebrate in the world. Fugu is the dish made from Puffer Fish and costs approximately $50 for a dish of it. If prepared incorrectly, it will cause numbness, vomiting, dizziness, and possibly muscle paralysis, which can lead to death.

Chocolate: Chocolate can be poisonous in large doses. 22 lbs will kill a human.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts:Pirates ride at Disney

The Pirates of the Caribbean attraction can be found at Disneyland, Disney World, Tokyo Disney and Disneyland Paris.

Pirates was the last attraction Walt Disney personally participated in designing.

The song that plays is called Yo Ho (A Pirate's Life for Me) and is loosely based on the Robert Lewis Stevenson sea shanty Dean Man's Chest. The music was written by George Burns, who also did the music for The Jungle Book.

The ride lasts 15 1/2 minutes at Disneyland, but only 8 1/2 minutes at Disney World.

It is one of my favorite rides at Disney World and I have been known to ride it multiple times in a row.

Why I Can't Help But Like "2 Broke Girls"

It has a lot of problems - mostly some questionable, at best, racial stereotypes and some jokes about sexual harassment and rape that probably don't need to be made - but "2 Broke Girls" has a lot going for it, too.

I started watching the show for the sole reason that it stars Kat Dennings, who is funny and quirky. I loved seeing her get a sitcom, and I wanted things to go well for her.

But just liking an actor on a show is not enough for me to stick with it. I have a LOT of shows on my DVR, and if a show isn't worth watching, I don't have the time or DVR space to keep recording and watching it.

The show, if you haven't seen it, follows two young women in Brooklyn. One of them is Max (Dennings), who works in a diner and as a nanny in Tribeca to make ends meet. She's poor, sarcastic and streetwise. She meets Caroline (Beth Behrs), the formerly rich daughter of a man now in jail for a Ponzi scheme. The two decide to live together, work together and save money together to try to start a cupcake business.

One of my favorite things about "2 Broke Girls" is the fact that the show features two women who seem to genuinely like each other. So often on TV or in movies, women are only supposed to be "frenemies," but there is no bitchy competition between Max and Caroline. Like any roommates, they don't always get along and don't always see eye-to-eye on every issue, but they never really tear each other down. I mean, their jokes get kind of mean sometimes, but my jokes with my friends get pretty barbed, too - it doesn't mean that I really want them to fail. Their friendship is refreshing.

It's also refreshing that Max and Caroline don't always talk about boys and shoes. The show doesn't just pass the Bechdel test - it shatters it. Obviously, they do talk about boys sometimes, but then they move on to other things, like their budding business.

That's another tick in the plus column for "2 Broke Girls" - it features women working on running a business, and actually doing a pretty good job of it. It really makes Caroline into a more well-rounded character. It would have been extremely easy to make Caroline into a ditzy blond rich girl, but even though the writers mine some humor from Caroline's sheltered upbringing, she's also a smart businesswoman. After she gets over the fact that her trust fund isn't coming back anytime soon, she also starts to adapt very well to her new lifestyle. It's great that the "2 Broke Girls" writers resisted the urge to make Caroline a stupid rich girl who refuses to adjust to her situation. It would have killed the show anyway, because it wouldn't have been believable for Max to spend time with somebody that stupid.

And finally, "2 Broke Girls" is often pretty funny. Yes, some of the jokes fall flat, but a lot of them hit the mark, too. Sure, some of the humor is pretty crass - some of their favorite subjects are horse poop, genitals and sex - but I am pretty immature, so they make me laugh.

"2 Broke Girls" has a long way to go to become a classic sitcom, and it may just be another in a long line of sitcoms that only last a couple of seasons. But we can hope that "2 Broke Girls" is a step in the right direction toward having better female characters and relationships between female characters on TV.

And if it's not, at least I'm having fun watching it.

Monday, December 5, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts: Miss Piggy

I haven't yet seen the new Muppets movie because I live in the middle of nowhere, but I've heard it is great. To celebrate that fact, today's fun facts are all about Miss Piggy (fun fact number 1, Miss Piggy is the shit!).

Miss Piggy's first appearance was in 1974 on Herb Alpert and the TJB where she sang "I Can't Give You Anything But Love"

Miss Piggy wrote a book in 1981 that spent 28 weeks on the New York Times Bestseller list. It is called Miss Piggy's Guide to Life.

Miss Piggy has a pet poodle named Foo-Foo. Foo-Foo is a white poodle.

Miss Piggy met Kermit at the Miss Bogen County beauty contest, which she won.

Miss Piggy took a correspondence course in Karate and also studied at Master Chang's Charm School and Karate Dojo.

In 1995, the Muppets released an album called Kermit Unpigged, where Miss Piggy did a duet with Ozzy Osbourne on Born to be Wild.

Thursday, December 1, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts: Pencils

I had a friend in college who always wrote with an old school pencil, which I always found odd. But lately, I've been writing with a basic pencil and I quite enjoy it. Not sure why, but there you are!

In related news, it is the return of daily fun facts! I was out of town for Thanksgiving (went to New York City! Yay!) and then was just lazy getting back into fun facts, but today I was inspired, but pencils! You are excited, right?

Pencil lead is actually graphite.

The world pencil comes from Old French pincel, which means small paintbrush, which comes from the Latin word pencillus, which means little tail.

The only large scale deposit of graphite in solid form is in Cumbria, England, and was discovered sometime in the 16th century and was originally used for marking sheep.

Hymen Lipman was the first person to patent a pencil with an eraser in 1858.

Even though the "lead" in pencils is not lead, pencils used to cause lead poisoning due to the lead from the paint in the wooden part.

The #2 pencil in the US is an HB pencil in the rest of the world, which means that it is slightly harder and slightly blacker than the exact middle of the scale of pencils.

Roald Dahl used only pencils with yellow casing to write his books.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts: Marshall, Michigan

Today's fun facts are courtesy of me not being able to think of a good topic and searching places I've been for fun facts. Due to that, you can now learn about Marshall, Michigan.

Marshall is one of the nation's largest National Historic Landmark Districts with over 850 buildings listed as Landmarks.

Marshall is home to the second largest US Postal Service Museum (As a bonus fun fact, I've been to that US Postal Service Museum in Marshall!). The only collection of postal memorabilia is the Smithsonian National Postal Museum in DC.

Jamie Hyneman, host of Mythbusters was born in Marshall, Michigan.

In 1843, a runaway slave family was pursued to Marshall, where over 100 people from the town stood against the slave catchers, eventually leading to the slave catchers arrest, eventual fines to be paid by the townspeople, and the introduction of the Fugitive Slave Act.

One of the most famous buildings in Marshall is the Honolulu House, built in 1860 by Abner Pratt, former chief justice of the Michigan Supreme Court. Pratt loved Hawaii and built himself a house in the Italianate style of architecture that was copied from a house he stayed at in Hawaii. The house has 15 foot ceilings, 10 foot doors, long hallways and a sweeping staircase. (Bonus fun fact, I've also been there!)

Marshall houses the American Museum of Magic (which I sadly have not been to), which includes an extensive collection of Harry Blackstone, Sr.'s (famous magician) devices. Even though the museum is in Marshall, Blackstone lived and was buried in Colon, Michigan, The Magic Capital of the World (which I have driven through).

Marshall has a small airport where they sell giant Tootsie Rolls (I have not had one).

I told you this installment was random and based on research about places I've been!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts: Photography

Today is the 224th anniversary of the birth of Louis-Jacques-Mande Daguerre, the inventor of the daguerreotype process of photography. In honor of that, here are some photography fun facts!

The daguerreotype was the first photographic process to be a commercial success and was done by having the image made on a silvered copper plate.

The first photograph of a person was taken by Daguerre in 1838 in Paris and is seen in a picture of the Boulevard du Temple.

The word photography is based on the Greek words for light and drawing, togther meaning drawing with light.

The first permanent photograph was produced in 1826 by Joseph Nicephore Niepce.

The first photo published on the web was by Tim Berners-Lee in 1992 and was an image of the CERN house band.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Kel's Fun Fact: Steamboat Willie

In honor of the 83rd anniversary of the release of Steamboat Willie, today's fun facts are all about Steamboat Willie!

Steamboat Willie is considered the debut of Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse (no relation), even though they were both in a previous short called Plane Crazy that was a silent film. Plane Crazy failed to be distributed and was eventually released after Steamboat Willie became popular.

Walt Disney did all the voices for the short.

In 1998 Steamboat Willie was selected for preservation in the U.S. National Film Registry for being culturally and historically significant.

The villain in the story, Pete is a cat in the short and beyond, but originally was a bear.

By the copyright acts of the time, Steamboat Willie should be in the public domain by now, but isn't due to the 1998 Copyright Term Extension Act, also known as the Mickey Mouse Protection Act. The act makes works made in 1923 and after that were still protected by copyright 1998 not available for public domain until 2019 or after.

The full cartoon was officially put on YouTube by the Disney Animation studio on August 27, 2009. And really, you should go watch it right now.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Kel's Fun Facts: Inventions gone wrong

William Bullock invented the rotary printing press in 1863. In 1867 Bullock was making adjustments to one of his presses that was for printing the Philadelphia Public Ledger. His leg got crushed when trying to kick a belt into place. He died during the operation to amputate his gangrenous leg.

Henry Smolinski started the AVE Mizar company that created a flying car. One a test flight, the right wing folded, killing Smolinski and one of his associates.

Franz Reichelt created an overcoat parachute that he tested by jumping off the Eiffel Tower. It didn't work.

Horace Lawson Hunley invented a combat submarine. After the submarine sunk twice without killing anyone, Hunley took over commanding the vessel. It sunk again and he, along with seven other members of the crew, died.

Li Si, Chancellor of the Qin dynasty in 208 BC, created the five pains method: cut off the nose, than a hand and a foot, than castration, and finally cut in half at the waist. When the king died, Li Si suppressed the choice of successor. He was eventually charged with treason by the new king and killed by the five pains method.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Kel's Fun Fact: Chocolate

Chocolate comes from the Nahuatl word xocolātl, which means bitter water. The earliest documented uses of cultivated cacao were in Mexico, most notably by the Aztecs, who usually used it for a beverage.

John Cadbury, the founder of the Canbury chocolate thought chocolate was a good alternative to alcohol.

Raw chocolate contains at least 75% cacao.

Dark chocolate can lower blood pressure and is a good antioxidant.

I prefer Nestle chocolate to Hershey chocolate. I have not had enough Cadbury chocolate to know where it falls in the ranking. I also tend to agree with Roux in the movie Chocolat that hot chocolate is the best chocolate.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Fangirl Freakout: "Hunger Games" trailer

The Hunger Games full length trailer premiered this morning. (You can see it here.)

First of all, let's just get the fangirliness out of the way by saying, "OMG it all looks perfect!!!!!" Because it really looks pretty amazing! 

On Monday, Kel kept reading about how everyone was freaking out about it, and Jen emailed her and said, "Have you watched it yet!? Because seriously. Holy. Shit." And Kel was like "Oh, I should check that out, but whatever." And then she watched it. Seriously. Holy. Shit. Have you watched it yet? No? Do so right now! Yes? Watch it again!

Kel got into "The Hunger Games" after the third book came out. She had heard of it somewhat since the first book came out, but it didn't really hit her radar much. When the third book came out, it suddenly was everywhere. And everyone was saying "OMG! You have to read this," which usually makes her avoid whatever it is like the plague. But she had enough people whose taste she trusts tell her she would enjoy the series that she gave it a try. And she was instantly hooked. And more so as the series went on. Book one she found not as engaging for the first bit, before the games start, so it took her a week to read it. Book two took her about three days. And book three she, unwisely, read in one sitting.

Jen also read the books all in a row, very quickly, and really loved them. (She is glad, however, that she didn't read the emotionally wrenching third book in one sitting.) The Pop Tarts Mom recently read the trilogy and loved them, and even Jen's husband, who is really rather picky about books, is a huge fan.

In other words, it's a great series that a lot of people will like - not just people who like YA fiction. If you haven't read them, then what is your problem? Read them now!

Since the movie version of "The Hunger Games" was announced and the casting started, we, along with everyone else in the world, started analyzing every choice. Personally, we were both was pretty excited about all the choices, regardless of if they were who we thought would be good. Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss was the most out of left-field choice for us, but after seeing a picture and reading an interview of her, Kel was sold. Jen was a little more skeptical, but now that there's a trailer, we can judge everybody better.

But, seriously, Jennifer Lawrence has the right mix of terrified and badass. Jen was truly convinced that she is Katniss when she volunteers for the games to save Prim. A definite goosebumps moment.

And then, there's Josh Hutchinson (Peeta), who looks perfectly adorable and pained. Liam Hemsworth (Gale) looks all broody and hot.

All the secondary characters are also bringing it. Did you see Elizabeth Banks as Effie? No one could be better! She is crazy! And even the choices that we had never thought of, like Woody Harrelson for Haymitch and Lenny Kravitz for Cinna, look brilliant. Oh, and Stanley Tucci as Caesar Flickman? Brilliant! And even though President Snow doesn't figure much into the first book, Donald Sutherland is going to be excellent when they do the sequels.

Pretty much, we are both fan girling out about everything. Kel's reaction to Jen after watching it was, and we quote, "HOLY SHIT! I didn't realize how excited I was about it until I watched the trailer!" And really, that is very true. But now we cannot wait until March when it finally comes out. Kel is fully confident that it is not going to disappoint (like The Golden Compass did). Jen is slightly more skeptical - she's been burned several times by movies she's been excited about - but after watching the trailer a couple more times, she's feeling more and more confident that "The Hunger Games" is going to be epic!

Kel's Fun Fact: Turkeys

Turkey droppings, mixed with wood chips, can be used as a fuel source and has been used in Benson, Minn., to run a power plant. Of all farm animal manure, turkey litter is the best to use as a fuel source.

Related turkey facts:

  • Turkey eggs take 28 days to hatch.

  • Baby turkey are called Poults.

  • Tom turkeys are polygamous and sleep with as many hens as possible.

  • Between 5000 and 3000 BC in Mexico, the only domesticated animal was the turkey.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Fun Fact!

A while back on my Facebook I was writing up a fun fact of the day. I got busy/bored and stopped doing it. But there has been a few requests for a fun fact of the day again (namely Jen and our mom told me they liked it and I should do it again). So, I am going to turn it into a blog feature!

Starting today, I will be posting a fun fact every day (or most days at least). Some will be just quick little fun facts, the kind that are great for knowing an answer to Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit or to drop into a conversation during an awkward pause. Others will be longer facts that are a conversation in themselves.

If you have any fun fact themes you would like to see (e.g. insects, holidays, countries) or have a specific topic you want a fun fact on (e.g. porcupines, Pirates of the Caribbean ride, Kevin Bacon) leave them in the comments section and I will do my best to provide.

To start off, here are some of the past fun facts I have posted to Facebook and/or Twitter:

Blue Whales cannot swallow anything bigger than a grapefruit.

The author of Ben-Hur, Lew Wallace, was from Indiana and tried to turn Billy the Kid into an informant in exchange for a full pardon from his outlaw ways. This didn't pan out and The Kid went back to being an outlaw.

Certain types of squid can fly above the water for a short period of time, much like a flying fish. Some even move their fins/arms to forcibly stay in the air longer or go further.

The South Pole is colder than the North Pole.

And now a new fun fact so everyone can learn something today:

The cocktail Tremblement de Terre (Earthquake) is said to have been invented by Toulouse-Lautrec. In a wine goblet it is 3 parts Absinth and 3 parts Cognac and can be served on ice or shaken in a cocktail shaker filled with ice.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Seriously, F@&! Those People: Kim Kardashian

Everywhere we look today, we are hearing about Kim Kardashain getting a divorce from Kris Humphries. Now, this would be upsetting news had they been married for more than 72 days. And if their wedding hadn't cost $20 million. And if it hadn't all been televised. So, Kim Kardashian, for your fame-whoring ways you get a Fuck You from the Pop Tarts.

Kel has to admit (or celebrate) that she had to look up all about this because she routinely ignores anything that has the word "Kardashian" associated with it. Jen informed Kel that this is a good strategy as they are all "fame-whoring losers," though she admits to kind of loving Rob on "Dancing With the Stars." But apparently the Kardashians have become famous for being famous, much like Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie, including Kim having a sex tape. (You know it's bad when the second sentence on your Wikipedia page is, "She is known for a sex tape with her former boyfriend Ray J as well as her E! reality series that she shares with her family, Keeping Up with the Kardashians.")

There are two main reasons that Kim Kardashian and her 72-day marriage need to fuck the hell off. For one, according to Entertainment Weekly, some of the things they registered for are "a $195 set of ice tongs, a $470 picture frame, and a $7,500 Baccarat Cosmos extra large vase." Anyone who asks for that crap needs to fuck off.

And most importantly, gays can still not marry in most states in this country, with the main argument against being that it destroys the sanctity of marriage. Now in our eyes, same-sex marriages are just fine because who really cares who anyone else marries/sleeps with? (Anyone who cares can just go fuck off, too, for all we care.) But celebrities who get married for five minutes and then divorce make the entire idea of marriage seem like a fad. Kim can fuck off for taking something that is considered a privilege in this country (even though it should be a right) and treating it like garbage.

So, to Kim Kardashian, and every other celebrity who treats a marriage like a outfit that should change with the seasons, fuck off!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

Dear Diary: The Vampire Diaries

Kel here. My friend Sarah and I started watching The Vampire Diaries last night. I had watched the pilot back when it aired three years or so ago, but I pretty much remembered nothing about it. All I know about it is stuff that I have picked up from Entertainment Weekly and other entertainment websites.

Now, if you know me, you know that I love a good ridiculous CW show (actually, WB was better, but whatever. Just because I am pissed that that CW canceled Everwood and kept other crap....anyway, moving on). But there is something about Vampire Diaries that is making it the most ridiculous and awesome show to watch. Perhaps it is the random crow that follows one of the vampires around. Or maybe it is the every popular stalker boyfriend plot line. Or perhaps it is even the hot guy who loves to randomly be shirtless.

But no. What makes The Vampire Diaries the best show ever is that both main characters, a girl and a guy, write in diaries. Oh sure, they call them journals when they refer to them outloud, but they start their diary entries with Dear Diary. That totally works in a book, but on a tv show, it sounds ridiculous. So ridiculous that Sarah and I started to commentate the show using "Dear diary...". And saying things like "Dear diary, my boyfriend is a vampire and he doesn't sparkle at all. Not even a glimmer. Lame!" or "Dear diary, I think a crow is stalking me- is that even possible? And side note: I might need to consult my psychic friend about my boyfriend's magical healing powers". And let me tell you, that shit is funny. We commentated like that for an entire episode. And when we watch more, we are going to keep doing it. I want to start every sentence with "Dear diary".

If you aren't watching The Vampire Diaries, you should be. It is on Netflix. Go watch. And make sure to commentate with things such as "Dear diary, my boyfriend is a creeper, but his brother is much more of a creeper" or "Dear diary, all I want is for the other guys on the football team to like me!" Super fun! Trust me!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Seriously, F@&! Those People: Carrots Edition

Aren't carrots just the worst?


For the past year and a half, we have both been working on eating better, which includes eating lots of vegetables. Carrot sticks are one of the easiest vegetables to eat or take to work as a healthy, low-calorie snack. And also one of the tastiest. Especially the little sweet ones. Yum.

But there is definitely a problem with carrots - most of the time, they just make us more hungry!

Now, don't get us wrong, carrot sticks can be a great snack. They're a little sweet, which means sometimes you can trick yourself into not eating an entire bag of chocolate. Also, they make a lovely, satisfying crunch. That can be fun, especially when you're eating them at work. Who's going to complain that you're eating carrots at work? Nobody, because they're healthy!

But there's still that problem that after we eat them, a lot of time we're even more hungry than before! We both keep hoping that the next time we eat carrots, it won't happen, but it just doesn't end.

So, carrot sticks, even though you're crunchy and delicious, for leaving us hungry: Fuck you!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Midweek Mancandy: Hot Young Gay Men Edition

So, when Kel and I were doing our research for our blog entry yesterday, about coming out in Hollywood, we naturally started talking about hot gay guys. (Naturally.)

So, in honor of Zachary Quinto and all the other people who are out in Hollywood, our Mancandy offering this week is going to feature several hot gay guys.

First up, let's go ahead and talk about the hotness that is the newest member of the Out And Hot In Hollywood Club: Zachary Quinto.

(Photo from Wikipedia)
Because, damn. That is a fine looking man.

Zachary Quinto first came to our attention when he played the evil Sylar on "Heroes." Then, he landed the coveted role of Spock in J.J. Abram's reboot of "Star Trek." He was extremely hot in both roles, and warmed our nerdy hearts. (Jen, especially, is a big fan of the original "Star Trek," so she was epically excited when it turned out that he was perfect for the role!) Oh, and now he's on the absolutely ridiculous "American Horror Story," which Jen has been watching to get her campy sex-and-violence fix until "True Blood" starts again. Quinto is gorgeous, but the extra zip of hotness comes from the fact that we actually can't look at him without seeing a bit of Sylar, which gives him this slightly dark, evil edge. *drool*

Next up, another sci-fi staple:

(Photo from

It's Sean Maher, better known to nerds as Simon Tam from "Firefly" and "Serenity." (He also played Brian Piccolo in a remake of "Brian's Song." Then he was on "The Playboy Club" until it was canceled.) Maher is great in "Firefly" and "Serenity," and he looks great doing it. He is a very classically cute guy and plays the nerdy, slightly meek doctor very well. However, he also does a great job showing Simon's growth on the show as he becomes more tough in the wildness of space. He's just absolutely adorable!

Continuing on the sci-fi streak: 

(Photo from Wikipedia)

It's Captain Jack Harkness himself, John Barrowman! Barrowman is best known for being on "Doctor Who" and its spin-off, "Torchwood," as Captain Jack, a 51st-century time traveler. And, oh my gosh, does he look great doing it! His character is tough and very layered, but he also plays him with a cheeky charm. Captain Jack is also kind of a slut, so it's totally believable that if you met him, he'd sleep with you and likely rock your world. Can't hate that! We also just really like Barrowman in real life - he is very connected with fans and very vocal about gay rights, and we love that about him! And he's just so damn hot!

Also on a U.K. show ...

(Photo from Wikipedia)

Russell Tovey, from the U.K. version of "Being Human!" Nerds like me might also know him as Alonso Frame on "Voyage of the Damned" and "The End of Time" episodes of "Doctor Who." He is definitely not a conventional hottie, but he is really cute. He looks like a normal, cute guy, and that's always a nice thing to see on TV. Jen has only seen him in "Doctor Who," but Kel, who has watched "Being Human," assures Jen that he also looks good naked. 

Switching gears toward the musical world ...

(Photo from the Jonathan Groff Network)

It's Jonathan Groff, who plays Jesse St. James on "Glee!" He was absolutely great on the show, especially considering that he was playing a pretty obnoxious "bad guy." He also is a pretty big Broadway actor, starring in a lot of different shows to great acclaim. He's pretty good-looking when you see him, but when he starts to sing and dance, that's when the magic really happens. He is incredibly talented! We've really only seen him do his singing and dancing thang on "Glee" and in YouTube clips, but we like what we see!

Also on "Glee" ...

Chris Colfer is just sort of adorable. Even though Kurt on "Glee" can get a bit obnoxious, Colfer is always pretty dang cute! Come on - he looks like a cherub! And he, like Groff, is absolutely absurdly talented! If you're not a "Glee" fan, be sure to get on YouTube and watch him perform sometime. He's also really funny when he's not acting. Watching him on a talk show is always wonderful because he's witty and personable. And, hello? He can spin a pair of sai! How cool is that? We kind of just want to be friends with him.

And finally ...

(Photo from

Ever since Kel and I first laid eyes on the hot, androgynous, guyliner-sporting, super-talented glam rocker Adam Lambert on "American Idol," we were absolutely smitten. There's something incredibly hot about the way that he plays with gender and fashion. Also, the way he likes to wear tight pants. He's sort of weird and crazy and wonderful, and that's what makes him so sexy! Plus, that voice! We know some people didn't like the wailing falsetto and crazy range and odd arrangements on "Idol," but he is a true rock star. Lambert is mega-talented and sexy, and we absolutely love him!!
Did you like this Mancandy? Stay tuned to our blog this week for more! We plan to feature more LGBTQ hotties later this week!

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Gay Celebrities: Why It Shouldn't Really Matter

Another celebrity has officially come out. To which we tend to say, "Uh, who cares?"

OK, that comes across as really harsh, and it's not what we really mean. Here at Pop Tarts Headquarters, we think it is great that more famous people feel comfortable enough with themselves that they can be openly who they are. It can be so powerful for other gay people to see that they're not alone, and just like celebrities like Kelly Osbourne can help destroy peoples' self-esteems with bodysnarking, gay celebrities coming out can help boost gay peoples' self-esteems and confidence. So...good on you, Zachary Quinto, for publicly declaring your sexuality. Honestly. But really, who cares?

Because we have to ask ... What does it matter if an actor is gay or straight? The whole point of acting is to be someone you are not, so the real personal life of the actor shouldn't come into play at all unless it really affects their ability to do their jobs. *coughCharlieSheencough* Does knowing that Zachary Quinto is gay make Spock's romance with Uhuru any less believable? Does knowing that Neil Patrick Harris has a long-term same-sex partner and two kids make Barney Stintson any less funny? Does knowing that Jane Lynch is a lesbian make Sue Sylvester any less or more of a brilliant character? No, to all three! Know why? Because the personal lives of actors (at least, good ones) don't effect their roles on screen.

Nobody should have to expose their private life if they choose not to. However, it is also important for celebrities to not hide who they are. For example, let's talk about Jodie Foster. In 2007, she publicly thanked her Cydney Bernard, who was long thought to be her girlfriend. But she never talked about it. Frankly, it would have been better if she felt like she could bring Bernard to events, but maybe she wouldn't have even if she were straight and had a boyfriend. Regardless, Foster isn't really closeted, but she's private about her personal life.

Or we could talk about Daniel Radcliffe. He is a pretty private person and no one ever really knows much about his relationship status. There had been quite a bit of speculation about if he had a girlfriend, but it was no secret that he is straight.

The alternative, of course, is something like what Sean Maher told Entertainment Weekly he experienced as a closeted gay man in Hollywood for years. He had to hide his longtime partner - they've been together for 9 years and have children together - and keep his friends from college who knew he was gay separated from his Hollywood friends. And that's just a shame.

In the end, it doesn't matter if actors and celebrities are gay and straight, and with more high-profile people coming out of the closet, we hope that eventually everybody can just be themselves.

Monday, October 17, 2011

Seriously, F@*! These People: Kelly Osbourne Edition

Seriously, fuck Kelly Osbourne.

On E!'s "Fashion Police," Osbourne got pretty bitchy about Christina Aguilera's weight and, let's face it, any time someone publicly blasts somebody for their weight, fuck them!

After seeing some pictures of Aguilera singing at a Michael Jackson tribute concert, Osbourne said, ""She called me fat for years. I was never that fat."

(Read more here. Photos of Aguilera at the concert in question appear here.)

Listen, I get that Fashion Police is a catty show, and I get that Osbourne was blasted for years for being chubby by lots of people, including, apparently, Aguilera. But just because she's slimmed down doesn't give her license to call anybody fat in a demeaning fashion like that.

And it's not even because I'm worried about Christina Aguilera's feelings. She can cry into her piles of money and call Kelly Osbourne a bitch and whatever else will make her feel better, as long as they don't keep calling each other fat on TV. It's the impressionable girls and women who see this exchange who are really going to suffer from disgusting displays like this. Because, really - if some 8-year-old girl, or 18-year-old girl, or 38-year-old woman, is already feeling a little bad about her weight, and then hears somebody like Kelly Osbourne call somebody conventionally beautiful and "normal sized" like Christina Aguilera "fat," what are they going to think about themselves? What is that going to do to their self-image? Celebrities should think about that before they start shooting their mouths off.

A lot of people, especially women, have problems with self-esteem and self-image that manifest into eating disorders, depression, self-injury, suicide and other problems. People in the media world need to realize this and try to boost self-esteem instead of tearing people down for not having a "perfect" body or face. Snark on the clothes all you want ... but not on peoples' bodies.

So in conclusion: Fuck Kelly Osbourne. She should know better.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Midweek Mancandy: Dule Hill and James Roday

Tonight is the season premier of Psych, which means that the mancandy that I have been waiting to write since we started this series is here: James Roday and Dule Hill. Two very hot hotties!

James Roday brings the hotness in his boyish charm as Shaun Spencer. Shaun is a bit of a slacker, but is also a freaking genius (in some things). He is very funny and quippy in every situation and never really does the normal thing. There is also something very hot about the super genius mixed with the incredible idiot. And probably the hottest thing about Shaun (and by association, James)...his hair. That boy has amazing hair.

Dule Hill brings a more mature and rigid hotness as Gus. Gus tends to be slightly against all of Shaun's ideas, unless it is something really cool. He is very adorable when he gets scared of something and occasionally turns into "Creepy Gus" when he is hitting on a girl. Yet it works since he is hot. The hottest thing about Dule is his tap dancing ability. OMG can he dance! I already loved Dule (and Gus as a character), but when I saw him tap dance, I fell in love.

And really, neither guy would be as hot without the other. What really makes Shaun and Gus mancandy and likable is how they act together. They play off each other so well, constantly picking on each other and ditching each other in many situations, yet always being fiercely tied to the other. Nothing is hotter than two guys who are smart, funny, and dedicated to each other.

Now, go grab a pineapple and settle in to watch the premier of Psych tonight (at 10pm on USA).

Monday, October 10, 2011

Seriously, F#@k Those People

I was e-mailing with Jen today about things that were pissing me off today. Specifically groups of people who were pissing me off. People to which I say "Fuck those people". Today I have two such groups of people: The cast of the Simpsons and the Occupy Wall Street People.

First, The Simpsons. Now, I'm sure it sucks to have to take a paycut. I know that I would not like to have my pay cut by 45%. I mean, that is just not good. However, their original, pre-cut, pay was 400,000 per episode. Now, let that sink in for a moment. $400,000 per episode. With the cut, they are going to be down to $250,000 per episode. That is $5.5 million for a season. So you know what, fuck those people! That is a ridiculous amount of money. $250,000 per episode. What? What? That amount of money is what the negotiations were over. You are having to negotiate about if you want to go DOWN to $5.5 million? Fuck off! So seriously, fuck those people.

Along the same money lines, fuck the Occupy Wall Street people. Mostly because after doing some research today, I have no idea what the hell they are protesting. I gather it is something about money. They think some people have too much of it? And the government is not doing the right things with it? Or something? And to protest it all, they are sitting in New York City. Peaceful protests can be extremely powerful things when you have a definite purpose (see: sit-ins for integration). But when you are vaguely protesting something about money, you just look dumb. Also, Occupy Wall Street should be called "Occupy Money That Could Be Spent On The Social Things You Want to Be Funded But Is Instead Being Spent On Police Overtime" ($1.9 million has been spent already). And really, if you want to protest money, why not go protest the insane amount of the money The Simpsons Cast makes. So seriously, fuck those people.

Remastering Masterpieces

Star Wars, the original trilogy, was just rereleased on DVD once again. And once again, it was remastered/changed/ruined/whatever you want to call it. George Lucas changed things. Oh, the horror. Again.

Listen, I get the outrage. I really do. I like the original original trilogy the best. I like the Ewok song at the end. I know that Gredo didn't shoot. I think the computer generated creatures look dumber than the puppets. Trust me, I'm a geek, I get it. But also, I don't understand all the outrage. I mean, it is just a movie.

Ok, I hear you yelling at me. "It isn't just a movie, it is a piece of art!" "It is historic and shouldn't be changed. Ever!" But let me counter your outrage with something that is by many respects more outrageous. The Last Judgement, painted by Michelangelo, on the altar wall of the Sistine Chapel.

Michelangelo painted the Last Judgement after he painted the ceiling (3 decades after if you want to be specific). And he painted a lot of the people naked. And by a lot of, I mean most of them have their junk out. 24 years after he finished, the Council of Trent said that nudity in religious art was bad and Daniele da Volterra got the job of painting loinclothes and fig leaves over all the naughty bits. When restoration occured in the 1990s, there was great debate about if the fig leaves should be removed. In the end, they ended up removing some of them.

The big debate was if the art work should reflect the original intention of the artist. It was argued that althought Michelangelo did not paint the fig leaves, the addition of them became part of the history of the work. Hence, removing them would remove some of the history.

Now, to relate that to Star Wars. If Michael Bay decided that he wanted to remaster Star Wars and add bigger explosions and slutty girls into it, I would be opposed to that. But it is George Lucas who is changing the movie. It would be like if Michelangelo decided that The Last Judgement wasn't quite right and painted fig leave on himself. Would it be the best choice? Probably not. Would some people be mad that he was changing one of his masterpieces? Definitely. Would it be in his right to alter his own work? Yes. That is what copyright is all about. You can mess with your own stuff as many times as you want.

So while I definitely think the original original trilogy is the best version, I also think that now, you can't go back to it. You can keep both, but you can never destroy the remastered versions. They have become part of the history of the work. Plus, it is always nice to have a default topic to whine about.

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Midweek Mancandy: Indecision

With Jen on vacation, I totally forgot about doing Midweek Mancandy. And now I have remembered. But I cannot for the life of me decide on which hot guy to highlight.

I thought about highlighting Harry Shum, Jr. since he brought the hot in this week's Glee. Not only did he showcase his awesome dancing, he also sang and had emotional scenes. And did you seen his arms. Totally mancandy worthy.

Another potential is Adam Levine, the lead singer of Maroon 5, mostly because he has multiple songs out right now and I was listening to one of them in the car. So he naturally popped into my head for his rock 'n roll hotness.

Dwayne Johnson, aka The Rock, was also in my head for mancandy potential. He is so macho and manly and I just started following him on Twitter, so he was at the forefront of my mind. And really, how can you go wrong with The Rock!

I also kind of wanted to use Michael Pitt. He is definitely not traditionally hot, but he is super interesting and kind of sexy. He is also amazingly creepy, especially if you have seen Funny Games. But he is someone that you keep wanting to look at.

My last idea was to use Evan Rachael Wood was (wo)mancandy. I have a fascination with her, especially her fashion. She always looks slightly androgynous and super fierce on all red carpets. He is one of my current straight-girl-lady-crushes.

So, after all the debating, I decided to not highlight anyone. Instead, I am going to open it up to you to suggest your own mancandy (or womancandy). Who are you finding hot this week?

Monday, October 3, 2011

Pilot Reviews: I give up!

This is my official declaration that I have failed in reviewing all the new pilots and am quitting before I go insane. I have such a backlog that I can't even watch the shows that I like and actually want to like. And that just seems like way too much stress over tv. Also, I keep not watching tv because I want to read. And I am not going to stop reading just to watch tv.

So, to recap my recaps...the only new show that I really love is 2 Broke Girls. I also enjoy New Girl, but mostly just watch that because it is on right after Glee. I enjoyed Unforgettable and hope to be able to catch up online with that soon. A Gifted Man was fine, as was Up All Night, though neither were good enough for me to want to watch more of. Free Agents and The Playboy Club were not my thing. I like Ringer, but haven't watched past the pilot. I want to watch more of The Secret Circle, but couldn't record it for a couple weeks due to other shows overlapping. I am hoping to get to watch Pan Am at some point because I've heard that it is good. And I want to check out Person of Interest.

Later in October I am planning on watching the premieres of Grimm and Once Upon a Time, so I may blog those. I missed some other pilots and just don't care to catch up on any of them. Except maybe Hart of Dixie because that looked good.

Anyway, now it is October and I am going to try to blog more about Pop Culture type stuff and not just tv shows. Because really, the tv show blogging was boring. Onto other fun blogging topics!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Pilot Review: Kelly Fails!

This just endeavor to watch all pilots was a ridiculous idea! I am super behind and also my dvr has not recorded everything it was supposed to. Gah! However, I will attempt to catch up eventually.

As it stands, I have a couple more pilots that I have watched. First is New Girl. I've actually seen two episodes of it. And I wasn't completely sold with the pilot, but enjoyed episode 2 a lot. I like all of the characters and I love Zooey Deschanel. She is super adorable and is quirky in the way that normal people are quirky. I am a particularly big fan of her making up songs to sing about everything. I totally do that! Also, Max Greenfield is my favorite! I shall always refer to him as Deputy Leo or Calvin's boyfriend (if you get both references, you are just as awesome as me!) but I think that he works really well as a major douchebag that everyone really likes. I am probably going to series record it because I can spare time for a half hour sitcom.

I have also finally watched X Factor! First off I gotta say that I am Team Chezza! I like Cheryl Cole as a judge way better than Nicole Scherzinger. She seems like the nicest person ever and her Geordie accent is one of the most pleasing things to listen to. However, I am really enjoying X Factor. I have been excited for it to start because there have been some great people to come out of the original UK version including Leona Lewis, JLS, Olly Murs, One Direction, and Jedward (if you have heard of all of them you must be obsessive like me). I think X Factor editing/directing is really good. It is snappy and fun and dramatic and highlights lots of talent and really entertaining failures. Work! I also really love Paula Abdul and Simon Cowell back together. I think X Factor will stay on my DVR, even though I will probably always end up watching a couple weeks worth of episodes at a time.

The last pilot I'm reviewing at the moment is A Gifted Man. And by "reviewing at the moment" I mean watching while writing all this up. A Gifted Man is about a surgeon who can see ghosts, particularly his ex-wife who died a couple weeks prior. Since I am not all the way through the episode, I can't judge it completely, but I like it so far. It seems like a solid drama show. I'm not sure if it is going to be a "crime of the week" type show or more of a continuous storyline, so I can't judge how much I might really like it. If I can find it online or record it, I may continue watching it, but I'm just not sure I really care about it. Not exactly my thing, but still good.

Glee-cap: West Side (Of Ohio) Story

During and after last night's "Glee" episode, I spent waaaaaaay too much time trying to cast "West Side Story" from "Glee" cast members. I can't help myself: "West Side Story" is one of my favorite musicals!

Don't worry, I haven't gone completely insane: The reason I was casting "West Side Story" was because that's one of the main plots on "Glee" this season. The school is going to put on a production of the musical, and tonight we found out that it will be directed not by Schue, who is holding Booty Camp to teach the glee club kids how to dance, but by Coach Beiste, Emma and student director Artie.

Tonight, they were auditioning for the part Tony. Well, kind of, anyway: It's going to come down to our lovebirds Kurt and Blaine. Blaine is giving off this adorably oblivious vibe that it would upset Kurt if Blaine got the role of Tony instead of him, so he auditions for the part of Bernardo, or maybe Officer Krupke. He tells Kurt he'd be happy playing any part, as long as it's opposite Kurt as Tony. But Kurt has a problem: The trio of directors aren't sure that he can believably play the romantic lead after seeing him perform "I'm The Greatest Star" from "Funny Girl," even though he swung around on scaffolding AND twirls a pair of sai around at the end. They were much more impressed by Blaine's rendition of "Something's Coming" ... which, admittedly, was pretty great. "I so want to give you a standing ovation right now," Artie says.

OK, so I think either Kurt or Blaine would be an excellent Tony. They both have the voice for the role - Tony is a high tenor - and the guy playing Tony really, really does not need to be super "manly." Beiste says, "I want a Tony that will excite my ladyparts," but part of the charm of Tony is that he's really sweet and sensitive, and that really does turn on a lot of women. Emma points that out: "If I were Maria, I would love to be held in Kurt's toothpick arms on my fire escape," she says.

Why, yes, I have given this too much thought.

But there are other plots besides casting "West Side Story," the most dramatic of which is that Shelby - Rachel's biological mother and the adoptive mother of Quinn & Puck's baby, Beth - is back! She was hired by Sugar Motta's father to start up a rival showchoir at McKinley featuring Sugar. But, of course, Shelby being at school with both her biological daughter she gave up for adoption AND the biological parents of her daughter is going to cause much drama. Rachel, predictably, has a freak out, but they sing it out during a divalicious duet of "There's A Place For Us" from "West Side Story."

Quinn is more problematic. Shelby wants to reach out to Quinn and Puck and allow them to be part of Beth's life, but not while Quinn is all screwed up. Puck comes and meets Beth (and gives her a picture of a clown pig he drew!), but Shelby won't let Quinn be a part of things until she cleans up her act. At the end of the episode, Quinn dyes her hair back to blond and puts on a boring white dress, but whispers to Puck that she wants them to get full custody of Beth back. Except, you know, depending on the state laws, she can't because she gave Beth up for adoption. Which means, legally, she has no standing to get custody, because Beth is not her child anymore! Beth is now Shelby's kid. Plus, that's a shitty thing to do to the woman who has been raising the child for a year now. I kind of hate Quinn, and now she doesn't even have awesome pink hair and punky fashion to make her slightly more interesting. But now Quinn is back in glee club. Is it bad that I hoped she kept smoking under the bleachers and throwing ketchup-covered tampons at the marching band all season?

Also, Sue's march toward Congress continues. She decides to make a campaign spot featuring Quinn yelling at Schue for how her life got so much worse after she joined the glee club. Schue actually comes back with the absolute best rant he's ever done, telling her that she's incredibly selfish and needs to grow up. I'm just glad somebody said it! Sue, of course, didn't get any of that on tape! Her spot premieres and suddenly she's in first place! Schue, Beiste and Emma decide that they're going to try to find a candidate to be the "anti-Sue." I'm intrigued!

And finally ... Kurt is running for student council, and Brittany wants to be his campaign manager because she admires Kurt for being a unicorn: Somebody who knows they're magical and isn't afraid to show it. She explains: "Well, when a pony does a good deed, he gets a horn, and then he poops out cotton candy until he forgets he's magical, and then his horn falls off, and black unicorns, they become zebras." She designs a campaign around unicorns and other fabulously over-the-top gay things. She has crazy unicorn posters, and a swag bag, called Kurt Hummel's Bulging Pink Funsack, which includes fabulous shoes, a plastic pony, a Tinky Winky doll and gay pride flags. But Kurt wants to win, and he's afraid that his crazy gay persona won't let him win. At the end of the episode, he decides that he should embrace his unicorn persona ... but Brittany decides to embrace hers, too, and run against Kurt.

After a lukewarm, catch-up premiere, this was an episode that mostly hit the right notes. I could go without the whole Shelby subplot, although I do love having Idina Menzel on the show again because she's fantastic! Plus, she is working with Sugar Motta, who is becoming my favorite character. I also loved the unicorn subplot, because I love that they gave Brittany, another of my favorite characters, in the limelight, and she and Kurt have never really gotten a chance to interact before. Plus, Brittany wore the most wonderful unicorn headpiece during this episode, and it made my whole night.

And finally, some great quotes/moments from this week:
  • Brittany telling the teacher that the president is
  • Beiste saying that she was in "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum:" "I was the forum."
  • Figgans, after Sugar's dad gives him a huge check for hiring Shelby and starting a rival showchoir: "Mr. Motta has just ended our toilet paper shortage with this enormous check. Wipe away!"
  • "We're hungry. We need something to barf back up." - One of The Skanks, while stealing a kid's lunch money.
  • "I realized that after smoking all day, it hurts to stand." - Quinn, after asking Sue for thrift show couches under the bleachers.
  • "I don't know what to say." - Kurt. "That happens to me sometimes. My lips move but only dust comes out." - Brittany.
  • "Now after a long day of snorting Splenda and cutting class, she heals the pain the only way she knows how ... smoking corn starch." - Sue, about Quinn, in her commercial.
  • "That was really sexy." - Becky, after Schue yells at Quinn.
  • "Turns out Napoleon? Not just a dessert. He was also a real dude." - Puck
  • "He owned that song like it was his prison bitch." - Beiste, about Kurt's audition.
  • "This is toned down. In the original, the unicorn was riding you." - Santana, about the posters they made for Kurt's campaign.
  • "You're not like Rock Hudson gay. You're really gay. You sing like Diana Ross and you dress like you own a magic chocolate factory." - Burt, about Kurt. (Note: He was saying it in a positive way, that Kurt is who he is and that's OK.) 
  • Sue calling Beiste, Will and Emma, "She-Hulk, Weepy the Vest Clown and Little Miss Golden Marmoset."

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Midweek Mancandy: Sean Maher

This week, we're going topical with our Midweek Mancandy and featuring a tasty actor who just made a big announcement: He's gay. And yet, still as hot as before he came out!

(Photo from Wikipedia)

That's right: This week, we're featuring Sean Maher!

Maher is most well-known by geek girls everywhere as adorable Dr. Simon Tam on the short-lived sci-fi series "Firefly." Now, he's on the soon-to-be short-lived series "The Playboy Club." He's extremely cute on "Firefly," especially because he always seems sort of lost and confused and innocent. However, Simon is also fiercely protective of his sister, River, and, later, other members of the crew of the ship, Serenity, and that makes him all the more wonderful. He's sweet and innocent, but also can be tough when he needs to protect someone he loves. Plus, Simon is really smart, and guys with brains are sexy!

"The Playboy Club" is such a steaming pile of crap that not even the adorableness of Sean Maher can really save it, but Kel, who called the show "bad" and said, "What I don't like (about the show) is everything," also said "I almost want to watch more 'Playboy Club' just because he's in it. And that show did not strike me as something I'd enjoy." So there's that. Hopefully after "Playboy Club" gets canceled (which is likely to be soon), he will have a nice long run on a show that is awesome! He totally deserves it.

Oh, yeah, and about the whole "I'm gay!" issue. Maher came out to "Entertainment Weekly" on Monday, telling the magazine: 
It was so exhausting, and I was so miserable. I didn’t really have any life other than work and this façade I was putting on. So I kept my friends from college [where he was out] separate from my work friends, and that was very confusing. I just kept going on and on painting this picture of somebody I wasn’t. I didn’t have time for a personal relationship anyway. And you just don’t realize that it’s eating away at your soul.
It turns out that when he came to Hollywood in 1997, he didn't feel like he could come out and, in fact, had pressure from a manager and agent to stay in the closet out of concern that he wouldn't be able to book leading-man roles. Meanwhile, he has a partner and two children at home who he, basically, had to hide.

We'd like, first of all, to say that the whole situation really freakin' sucks for him, and anyone else who has to hide who they are! We're both super glad that Maher felt like he could come out finally, but it is bizarre that there is a fear that a gay guy couldn't play a straight guy and vice versa. I mean, hello, it's called acting! Maher isn't a doctor from the year 2517 living in a spaceship with a bunch of space pirates and his crazy sister, either, but he played a pretty convincing Simon Tam. The whole culture is weird that anybody even cares about the sexuality of Sean Maher, or any other actor or actress for that matter! Who gives a shit? Not The Pop Tarts, that's for sure! Both of us reacted in much the same way: "Huh. OK. Glad he's happier now! Oooh, I should rewatch 'Firefly' because he's hot, and that show's awesome. And I'm pretty sure Sean Maher takes off his shirt! Nice." Neither of us had even given any thought to his sexuality before, and other than the fact that his sexuality was in the news this week, we probably won't think about it again.

But when we see him, we will think, "Oooh, Sean Maher." Because he's a hot morsel of mancandy!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Pilot Review: 2 Bad, 2 Good

Due to my supreme backup of pilots to recap, I am doing shorter recaps with just what I liked, what I don't like, and if I plan on watching.

First up, is one of the bad: The Playboy Club. There are a couple things I liked about The Playboy Club, namely David Krumholtz and Sean Maher are in it! Neither is in it much, and both characters are a scoosh shady. I also really like the music. There was lots of Tina Turner! Awesome. What I don't like is pretty much everything. The story is not very exciting. There is mob stuff, which should be fun but feels pretty lame. And I don't care about any of the bunny's personal lives. I also just don't care about anything involving Playboy, so I don't really care about the show at all. It just didn't seem very exciting and it didn't really capture the feel of the 60s (or what I think the 60s would feel like). Meh. Not watching any more.

The next bad show is Whitney. Now, I really want to like Whitney and it may grow on me. First up, I like the people on the show. They are all weird and quirky, but funny. I think Whitney Cummings is funny and quippy (she is the creator of 2 Broke Girls, so I obviously like her sense of humor) and I enjoyed certain jokes and situations in the show. So, I liked all the people and I thought they were funny, but I'm just not sure the show is funny. And being a sitcom, it really does need to be funny. I may actually watch Whitney again because I want it to be good, but I'm not terribly convinced it will get better.

Now for the good! The first good show is Revenge. Oh man! There are a couple things that I am not sure are going to work in the show, like the upper class vs. lower class battle I sense and the lack of answering questions, but mostly I loved it! Emily VanCamp is phenomenal as the tortured main character who is out for revenge from everyone who ruined her father and her lives. VanCamp has the ability to go from smiling to looking super tortured on a dime. You believe her when she is being sweet to people, but she is also believable when she is out ruining people's lives. The first 10 minutes of the show are a party on Labor Day, but then it jumps back to Memorial Day. I am looking forward to finding out how we get to Labor Day and what really happened. I'm hoping that the show answers enough questions each week to keep everyone interested because I think Revenge has tons of potential. DVR series record!

Now, for the final pilot I've watched: Unforgettable. Um, so good! I tend to like serial crime shows (see: White Collar, Bones, Numb3rs, Psych), so we are right in my wheelhouse of shows to watch. The main character, Carrie, cannot forget anything. It is some medical condition, that makes her a really great detective, though she is not currently a detective. However, she tends to get lost in her memories and trying to remember what happened the one day she can't remember, the day her sister was killed. My favorite thing about the show is the relationship between Carrie and Al, a detective in Queens who used to date Carrie. I believe their relationship and feel like they have history. I also really like how the show shows Carrie's memories. It is just a really well done show. I plan on series recording this at least for a while.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Project Runway: Lamest episode of the season

Project Runway recap! On a Thursday, for once! And tonight we are designing for a newly signed rock band. In two teams of four. The Sheep Dogs! What up.

When they start to play, Olivare has a bit of a meltdown because it is so loud. Oh, delicate little flower.

Apparently, each person in the group gets to pick a band member and apparently, they don't have to make a collection, just make the band look like they are from the same planet.

Olivare is once again offended by the idea of having to design for a not model body. Get it together, precious.

There are problems already. Laura can't find red denim and Olivare is upset that his dude is bigger than the mannequin. Anya thinks that he should suck it up because real people aren't mannequins.

Viktor and Anya seem to be the most self-aware in the competition. They kind of get that it is a show and seem to have the best commentary about the work room.

The Garnier guy is working with members of both teams to get their band members with a hairstyle that works for both. The band guys look super uncomfortable in the Garnier chair.

And queue the Bert bashing. Oh my god, get over it. Yes, Bert was a bit bitchy at first, but he has mellowed out.

One of the guy's name is Leot! That is the best name ever! The Sheep Dogs are totally the kind of band I would go see. Come to Noho and play The Iron Horse!

I am not a huge fan of hippy style, really, but I am digging all the crazy color and pattern going on in the work room today. Though Bert has too much purple. Bad, Bert! No purple blouses for men.

Joshua, while hella bitchy, knows what the hell he's doing. Draw the eye to the crotch!

Haha! With his ridiculous fake accent, when Olivare says "shirt", it sounds like "shit". Which is what his fabric looks like. And now Tim is going to smack a bitch for saying that Ewan's not a size small. I liked Tim's "Bitch, please" face at Olivare.

And, can I give a big ol' Fuck Off to Olivare for continually calling Ewan plus size, because that dude is just kind of normal guy sized.

At fitting, everyone's outfits look shitty. Seriously, the designers seem to think that their band is like the Rolling Stones. Not everyone can pull off a ridiculous patterned blouse like Mick Jagger.

Oh snap, Joshua is totally stealing Viktor's fringe. Bitch, please!

Olivare is still sewing. His model may go out there naked. I'm not totally opposed to that, if I'm honest. He's a hot rocker dude. Olivare's shirt is awful! Ewan would look better naked. I am finding that I may just really find rocker dudes hot. Good thing to know about myself. Anyway...back to the fashion and not just dreaming about the guys.

And now time for runway, which is going to be the guys playing a song in each outfit. With guest judge Adam Freakin' Lambert!

Team Purple. I am not ok with any of those looks. Bass guy looks like Rock Jesus according to Anthony Ryan, his designer. Anya is not ok with her drummer design either. Guitar dude has the best look, being done by Laura. Those red jeans are bitching and I would like a pair, please. I'd actually wear that whole outfit. Ewa, the lead singer, looks the most 70s, but it is way too purple.

Dammit all, I really dig Joshua's look. It is weird, yet cool. And the bass guy looks comfy in it. Kim's drummer looks bad. Bad bad bad. Viktor's bass player looks awesome. He looks vaguely 70s with his headband and jacket, but still modern with the jeans. I hate Olivare's outfit. It doesn't fit or go with the singer.

I think the top designs are Joshua, Laura, and Viktor. I'd say the worse are everyone else! But specifically Olivare, Bert, and Anya.

Overall, the judges don't really like anything about Laura, Bert, Anya, and Anthony Ryan's group. There is no image or cohesion. And there is not a take on Jimmy Hendricks, it is just Jimmy Hendricks.

Heidi and Adam like Laura's look a lot. And so do I. I legit want those pants and jackets. Nina, however hates it. Ewan is not a big fan of Bert's look on him. I personally, can't stand this look. Ok, I am not going to try to recap the judges anymore. They are definitely not cohesive at all! Dudes...get it together.

I am over this episode. It could have been so cool, but instead, everyone sucked! Lame! I really just recommend watching the judging, if nothing else. Michael Kors is on point with quippiness tonight. And Adam Lambert giggling at him is my favorite thing ever.

Viktor's jackets are fabulous. Seriously, start designing jackets and selling them at an affordable price and I will buy them.

Dude...I may actually be right in a top three of Laura, Joshua, Viktor.

Viktor won! And he definitely deserved it! And Olivare is out. And he definitely deserved it. Overall, this episode was really lame. It should have been so awesome. They were designing looks for a band! And it was shit. Viktor was the only one who did a great job. Lame lame lame. Next week I expect the show to be back on form.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Midweek Mancandy: Steve Jones

The new U.S. version of "The X Factor" started tonight, and although it was lovely to have Simon Cowell back on our TV screens, one of the real highlights was having host Steve Jones on our screen.

Photo From MTV

Jones started out as a model, then was a presenter for various shows in the UK. He was also in the movie "Anges, Thongs and Full-Frontal Snogging." 
When they announced that Jones would be the X Factor host, Kel knew who he was and had seen him in things. Jen had no idea who he was, but when she looked at a picture, she decided he was definitely cute enough to grace her TV screen each week.

Then, tonight, he actually started the hosting gig. We were worried that his Welsh accent would be too much for American audiences who aren't obsessive watchers of BBC programming like we are, but he appears to be speaking rather slowly and being careful not to get too Welsh-y when he talks. But even if he does, his accent is gorgeously sexy and really adds to his hot factor (which is already pretty high because, hello? Perfect smile, great bod!). 

In short, we wholeheartedly approve of Jones being the host of The X Factor because, in Kel's words: "Mmmmmm Steve Jones. Welsh and hot."

Glee: Showchoir Fever Dreams

Last season of "Glee," I started formulating a theory that "Glee" is actually an elaborate fever dream by a showtunes-loving crazy person.

After watching the season premiere, I realized: It so is. There is no other way to explain the crazy, goofy fabulousness of this show. The inconsistencies! The crazy characters! The things that could never, ever, ever, ever happen!

And I love it.

The show started out like it did last season, with the school gossip journalist, Jacob Ben-Israel, asking the "Glee" kids about their plans for the year. Finn is lost. We find out that Tina and Artie are only juniors. "I thought you were a senior," Jacob tells Artie. "Optical illusion. The chair adds a year," he says. Great nod to the silly online controversy about who is a junior and who is a senior. Rachel and Kurt have very elaborate, very specific plans to be in show-biz in New York. Mercedes isn't dating Sam anymore. ("That is so June!" she says.) Now she's dating a big football player guy. So long, Trouty-Mouth ... we hardly knew ye. Santana is the Cheerios' top ho. When Jacob asks Brittany about her future, she asks him, "Are you working on a time machine too?"

In Schuester land ... he's living with Emma now, and they're sickeningly cute. Also, pretty boring and chaste.

When they get to the choir room (do they have any other classes?), Schue has left out their trophies, including their tiny 12th place Nationals trophy. "I was sure our nationals trophy would grow over the summer," Brittany says. Schue apologizes for letting them down but says that they are going to do better this year. The club agrees, since they're the laughingstock of the showchoir world, "and that's saying something," Artie says. Especially troublesome was "The kiss that missed," Finn and Rachel's makeout session on stage during their nationals performance. Apparently, it has lots of hits on YouTube, and a lot of comments, including, Kurt tells us, "Why is that T-Rex eating a Jew?" *snort* We also find out that Lauren Zices has quit the Glee Club - since they didn't do well at nationals, it's not in her cool factor. Nooooo! Lauren! I'll miss you! I hope she comes back.

Anyway, then we get to the crux of the episode ... the club has three pianos, painted purple, that Schue will be moving around the school. When the kids see them, they're supposed to break into song to try to encourage other students to join the glee club.

Kurt and Rachel's plot this season is going to have to do with getting into the New York Academy of Dramatic Arts so they can go live together in New York. When they go to Emma for guidance, she tries to convince them to go to Kent State, which has a great musical theater program, "and a macabre backstory, so if you don't get the lead in a musical, you can think, 'It could be worse.'" However, she also tells them there's a mixer for other musical theater-types who want to get into the New York school at a local hotel. (Emma also gives Kurt a pamphlet called "Me and My Hag.")

Sue, meanwhile, is running for Congress. At the beginning of the episode, she's behind "undecided, that rapist who's running from prison and 'I don't care, don't call me during dinner.'" Her pro-deportation stance didn't work, so now she's decided that voters want a candidate who's against something. Just as she's plotting, she hears Tina and Mike playing "Chopsticks" on one of the purple piano. She storms out and destroys it. "Oh, I just realized that song might be the national anthem from whatever country you're from," she says. After Mike and Tina scamper off, a geography teacher thanks Sue, because she's tired of artists thinking that rules don't apply to them. And thus, an idea is born.

Over at the local coffee house (The Lima Bean), Kurt and Blaine are looking fashionable and drinking coffee. (Oh, those fabulous gays.) "You're quiet," Blaine says. "No, I'm being passive-aggressive." Turns out Kurt doesn't want Blaine to stay at Dalton, but instead to come to McKinley High so that they won't compete against each other, and so they can see each other all the time.

OK, so the one Glee kid we haven't seen yet is Quinn, but soon we see her looking all punky, with pink hair, black clothes and a tramp stamp of Ryan Seacrest. She actually looks pretty cute, but she's all emo. Santana and Brittany try to get Quinn back in the Cheerios and glee club. "We all joined Cheerios together, we all joined the glee club together, we all slept with Puckerman the same year. We're like besties for life," Santana says. "We were like the Three Musketeers," Brittany adds. "Now Santana is like an Almond Joy and you're like a Jolly Rancher that fell in an ashtray." But Quinn doesn't need her old friends, she has The Skanks, a group of girls who smoke under the bleachers and don't bathe. My favorite is the slightly dippy Mac, called that "because I like to make out with truckers at the truck stop. It's like a double meaning." Rachel also comes to try to convince Quinn to rejoin the glee club ("Your friend stinks of soap, Quinn," one of the Skanks says), but to no avail.

Over on Sue's Corner, she's done standing for something. "Unless it's a day she's being screened for hepititis, this gal ain't positive," she says. Instead, she is officially campaigning against the arts, saying that it's too expensive and they can't afford it. She pledges to suspend all arts programs until very student reads at or above grade level. This sparks Schue and Sue to fight in front of Principal Figgans. He starts out talking about how kids in the arts have lower incidents of substance abuse ("Tell that to Janice Joplin," Sue says), but soon Schue is babbling about how he needs job security because he's in a relationship and he wants to start a family. Yeah, nobody really cares, Schue. But people apparently like Sue's platform, because she jumped in the polls and is now neck-in-neck with the rapist running from prison.

Sue then gets Becky and Santana in her office, telling them, "I've put plastic on your chair for this announcement, so please feel free to wet yourself with excitement." They're co-captains of the Cheerios, which they both hate - they want to be in charge themselves - but Sue gives them their first task, to destroy the purple pianos. Sue also asks Santana which side she's on - Cheerios or glee club. "Team Sue," Santana says.

It's lunchtime then, and there's a purple piano in the lunch room. They contemplate not singing and dancing so they can survive lunch, but decide to launch into "We Got the Beat" instead. It sparks a food fight, and peoples' reactions are hilarious - Kurt shields himself with a tray, Rachel stands there sobbing, Brittany twirls around on the food.

They run to the choir room to lick their wounds. "I have pepperoni in my bra," Brittany says. "Those are your nipples," Santana answers. Just then ... a new character appears! Sugar, whose dad donated the purple pianos, wants to be part of the club. She has self-diagnosed Asperger's, "so I can say whatever I want." She tells them that she saw them in the cafeteria, and that she's better than all of them. "Sorry, Asperger's," she says. She launches into a terrible (and hilarious" rendition of "Big Spender" from "Sweet Charity," and suddenly Schue has a decision - keep letting everyone in the glee club, or actually cut someone. My favorite thing Sugar did, though - rubbed the piano player's head on her way out of the choir room! Schue goes to Coach Beiste and asks for her opinion, and she says that coaches need to crush people's hopes and dreams, "like pigs in a blanket." Emma walks in and reports that, in the polls, Sue has passed "undecided" and "anyone white." Schue declares war on Sue and marches out of the room to plot. "So this is what being turned-on feels like," Emma breathes.

Kurt and Rachel sing "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead," and it's cute. It's the song they're going to use to intimidate kids at the mixer. I love it when they perform and sing showtunes!

Sue holds Cheerios tryouts, but has no intention of bringing anyone new in. "I just want to see people cry," she says. Schue comes in and, with Emma taping it, glitterbombs Sue for her hatred of the arts, saying that each piece of glitter represents a kid whose dreams won't come true if the arts are taken out of schools.

Blaine shows up (wearing a bow-tie, aww!) and says that he is going to McKinley now, "because I can't stand to be apart from the person I love." I realize they're going for cute, but that kind of thing is creepy to me. Don't be so clingy! To declare that he's at McKinley, he sings "It's Not Unusual" with the Cheerios, who pour gasoline or something on the purple piano. Quinn flicks her cigarette onto the piano and it goes up in flames. Santana smirks.

At the mixer, the hyper weird arts kids greet Kurt and Rachel. Turns out they've been meeting forever and they've actually been in shows and on TV. The leader girl (who looks like Rachel) says she was the Gerber baby. "I've been acting since I was a fetus, literally! An ultrasound of me was featured on 'Murder, She Wrote!'" They're so perky, though - one stylish guy tells them, "As my future husband, Robert Pattinson, says, it's always refreshing to have new blood!" They then perform a showtunes medley with "Anything Goes" and "Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Better," complete with tap dancing! Cue the shattering of Rachel and Kurt's illusions. They bawl in the car, with Rachel deciding that they're going to have to move, change their names and live out the sad life of performing in community theater. But after a lovely little chat, they decide that they're going to keep chasing their dreams. "You make me want to be your boyfriend," Rachel tells Kurt. Then they do the gay high-five - hook pinkies, then do jazz hands. Love it!

Emma convinces Will to do what he needs to do, even though it means killing a kid's dream, so he tells Sugar that she isn't in the glee club. "Your ears must be busted because I worked that song like a hooker pole," she says. She rants at him, ending it with, "Not! Aspergers!" and storms off. I can't wait to see her again! Then Sue tells Schue that his "pixie-dust hate crime" was actually "high-octane Sue fuel," because she went up in the polls.

Schue goes back to the choir room, where Blaine joins and Schue kicks Santana out because she and the Cheerios set fire to the piano. Santana says she was just following Sue's orders, but Schue points out that Brittany didn't help. "Yeah, I was going to help, but I don't know, I'm a water sign, so ..." she says. Schue says that the club is coming together and being united. Then, Rachel suggests that the club do "West Side Story" for a musical this year ("Is that the one with cats?" Brittany asks), setting up a diva-off between herself and Mercedes for the role of Maria. Oh, and Kurt is running for student council. And then, just for good measure, the club joins together and sings "You Can't Stop The Beat" to end the episode, with Quinn watching in the wings.

Overall, it was a pretty good first episode, although there weren't enough songs. However, they had a lot of plot to introduce, including Will & Emma's slightly awkward relationship, Blaine and Kurt's uber-clinginess, Quinn's emo streak, Kurt and Rachel's New York dreams and Sue's congressional run. I'm hoping that doing "West Side Story" means there will be lots of showtunes in the next few episodes, because I love me some showtunes! The plots keep getting more ridiculous, so if they're going to go in a super silly, slightly fever-dream direction, they need to completely commit so that people aren't confused about whether "Glee" is supposed to be realistic or not. Make it completely over-the-top!!