Monday, September 5, 2011

Bachelor Pad: Another Two Bite The Dust

The main thing we got out of today's episode of "Bachelor Pad" was, "Thank goodness this mess is over after next week!"

Seriously, though, there has been some great drama, but there has also been a lot of bbbbboooooorrrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnngggggg crap this season.

Anyway, it's time for the couples to pair off officially. The pairs are: Graham/Michelle, Listerine/Erica, Kirk/Ella, Michael/Holly and Kasey/Vienna.

Chris Harrison announces that they must know a lot about each other for their next challenge. Everybody is scrambling except Kasey and Vienna, who are feeling very secure that they know a lot about each other. Those illusions are soon to be shattered ...

when they play "The Nearly-Wed Game!" It's basically "The Newlywed Game" except that the couples aren't married. The couple that win get roses, which means they're safe from elimination, and a romantic date. The second-place couple also gets a romantic date.

They are asked such wonderful questions as:
How many dates does your partner require before "making whoopie?"
If he could be an animal, what animal would he be?
What quality would your partner's exes complain about most?
If your partner could kiss another member of opposite sex in the house, who would it be?
If your partner could sleep with another member of the opposite sex in house, who would it be?
Who is your partner's least favorite person in the house? (Everyone says Blake.)
How many people have your partner had sex with?
Who has the worst sense of fashion in house?
Who is most likely to cheat?

A truly stellar moment was when Chris Harrison asked the guys, "What quality would your partner's exes miss the most?" Kasey's answer: Vienna's teeth. (Vienna, for the record, said it would be her boobs.) That is pretty much the way the wind blew for Kasey and Vienna - they only got a few questions right! And it was delightful to see Vienna getting more and more frustrated with her idiot boyfriend.

Graham and Michelle did extremely well, because they had a strategy for answering questions. This led to a moment of befuddlement when Graham said he lost his virginity and 7, but Graham and Michelle had decided that all number questions would be answered by the number 7. Blake put it best: "This is fucked. It is really smart ... but it is fucked."

Blake and Erica also did very well, and it came down to the final question: "Who in the house is your partner's secret crush?" Blake and Erica got it wrong, but Graham and Michelle got it right, which means that they win!

Tension reigns in the house after the challenge. Blake and Erica know they are on the chopping block and Blake is resigned to his fate. Bad plan, Listerine - it ain't over until Jeff Probst reads the votes. Oh wait, that's "Survivor." Same principle, though.

Erica is more inclined to scramble, although she is at a distinct disadvantage because Blake is getting himself voted out by flirting with Holly, who is breaking poor Michael's wittle tender heart. Erica tells Michael that he shouldn't be mad at Blake, because Holly is being naughty too. And she tells Blake to stop flirting with Holly because it makes him look bad. She wants to get Holly and Michael out by having Blake distance himself from Holly. Erica may look like a dolt, but bitch has strategy!

Graham and Michelle's date turns out to be a private screening of "What's Your Number?," a truly awful-yet-amazing-looking romcom starring Anna Faris and Chris Evans. Yay, product placement! They get picked up in a helicopter, AND they get to watch it in a hot tub with champagne. Woo. They feel chemistry.

Vienna and Kasey fight, because apparently Kasey ripped Vienna's ring off her finger when she wouldn't have sex with him. Klassy. "She's a different person in front of the cameras," Kasey says. They're pretty lame and strange.

Erica and Blake have another discussion where Erica desperately tries to tell Blake that he's being an idiot and that he needs to stop flirting with Holly. Blake, essentially, said that if Michael can't pull Holly away from him, "sucks for him." Sigh. They go out on their date, at the historic Mission Inn, and Erica has a GREAT plan ... to seduce Blake into having sex with her and staying away from Holly and not getting them voted out.

The seduction is really sort of amazing - creepy and funny at the same time, Kel says. She tries to entice him with sexy lingerie, but he looks terrified. It's awkard, but we love how aggressive she is. As Kelly put it, "She knows what she wants, which is to win and have sex."

They argue about having sex, and, dammit!, Blake makes the good point that if the roles were reversed, the situation would be worse. And then when Blake stood up for himself Erica was turned off. We see Blake's point, but we just can't help but love Erica.

Also on their date, there are two roses ... but they're not for them! They're safety roses, which Erica and Blake can give to anyone but themselves. We thought that Holly and Michael should get the roses as a gesture of goodwill, but Blake and Erica toy with giving them to Kirk and Ella before ultimately giving them to Kasey and Vienna in order to attempt to assure that the Kasey 'n' Vienna Voting Bloc o' Klass will keep them safe. Ella is super upset that Blake and Erica "struck a deal with the devil."

But their deal backfired, because Kasey and Vienna didn't work terribly hard to make sure that they stayed.

"We tried," Vienna said. "No we didn't," Kasey responded.

In the end, it comes down to Holly and Michael having the deciding vote ... and Michael lets Holly decide. She knows that if she keeps Blake, it will break Michael's heart, but she doesn't want Blake to leave. She bawls in the bathroom for a while, and then casts her vote.

In the end, she callously sends her loverboy Blake and Princess Erica home. Boo. Let's hope that Erica aspires for better things and we see her on "Survivor" in a couple of seasons.

To end your night right ... a few quotes:
"Part of me wants to punch him in his perfect, ridiculous, dentist teeth." - Michael, on Blake.

"This is a mansion, not a trailer park, so Vienna needs to go back to where she came from and take Kasey with her." - Erica

"The thought of Blake and Erica hooking up makes me want to throw up." - Holly

"Erica is many things, but subtlety is not how I'd describe her." - Blake

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