Tonight ... on "The Bachelorette:" One ex-contestant wants another chance, another contestant is done with the whole process and nobody's quite ready to play all their cards yet.
Ashley decides to take her three remaining boys: The Bobbsey Twins, Constantine and Wino (Ben); and Cupcake (JP) to Fiji because it's the perfect place to "fall in love, get engaged and hopefully find my true love." Which she also said about Thailand, Hong Kong, California, New York, the pool, the bathroom and the backseat of a limo.
Ashley waxes poetic about each of the guys, but doesn't say anything we haven't heard 18,000 times - there's never a dull moment with Wino, her relationship with Constantine is "slow but meaningful," JP's smile is the "cutest thing I've ever seen in my life" - and then we're off! This week is the overnight dates, which means that in addition to going out on dates with multiple guys, she can sleep with a guy and then go out with a different guy the next day!
She hears a knock on the door and thinks it's Wino, but it's not ... it's Sunshine! Back to "put everything on the line" to try to woo Ashley once again! After he and Ashley hug (actual Ashley quote: "Whooooooooooa!"), he explains that his one-on-one date, where they did Tai Chi and hung out at a temple and had a picnic where he was callously dumped before dessert, was "not conducive" to romance. He tells her that he thinks there was "something there." Sunshine says he is in Fiji for a few days and tells her to think about giving him another chance.
Ashley says that Sunshine's visit threw her for a loop, because she did wonder if she made the right decision about him, but she put Sunshine in the back of her mind because it's time for her date with Wino! "You look SO CUTE!" she squeals when he walks down the pier. Wino tells her he's missed her.
For their date, they're on a boat - a big-ass boat. They discussed their time in Sonoma visiting Wino and his family - they were both nervous but Wino says his mother liked Ashley - and then they slather sunscreen all over each other. According to Ashley, there's a lot of "flirtatiousness, teasing, excitement" - "It's like we're on a honeymoon or something!" Except most people on their honeymoon aren't going to be going out with a different guy the next day. Ashley says she thinks that she and Wino would have an exciting life together, and would never have a dull moment. Except, they would, because Wino and Ashley are both rather dull. Then, they go snorkling. Wino explains that he is falling for Ashley, but he wants to keep it light and not tell her that he loves her - he says that they can look at each other and gauge their emotions and tell that they're on the same page. Sigh. That only works in movies, Wino! In real life, you have to actually, like, talk to each other. Using words.
They have dinner, still without talking about their true feelings, and then Ashley invites Wino to ....... THE FANTASY SUITE! They go snuggle and cavort in the pool, then the music swells as Wino picks her up and takes her into the Fantasy Suite! Fade to black.
The next day dawns, and Ashley says that though her date with Wino was great, today is for her and her "greek god," Constantine. Ashley says that today is "crucial," because she wants to make sure he will allow himself to fall in love. They take a helicopter ride around Fiji, which makes me jealous because the scenery really is absolutely gorgeous. It makes Constantine excited, because he's never been in a helicopter. Ashley "could not picture a more perfect date," but, again, that phrase is losing its zing because she says it about EVERY. SINGLE. DATE.
But while Ashley and Constantine are enjoying the scenery, they fly over poor, lonely Sunshine. He's just been waiting for several days. "The hardest part is the fact that I know that she's very close to me and I can't do anything about it," he says. I like Sunshine and get what he's doing, but it's coming across sorta creeperish.
After their chopper ride, Constantine and Ashley jump off a ledge into the pool at the bottom of Bouma Falls. How symbolic ... they take the plunge together! Cue the water-cavorting montage. But we have a slight problem ... Ashley says that Constantine is more closed-off than the other guys! She wants to know more!!!! Constantine reveals he looked at 108 houses before he bought a house - but that worries Ashley a bit because he takes a lot of time and effort to make a decision and THEY JUST DON'T HAVE THE TIME! And Constantine also doesn't jump headfirst into a relationship. Sigh. It's a good thing to take time and effort to decide whether you're going to MARRY SOMEBODY! Hell, I would choose him just for that!
Later that night ... Ashley and Constantine are back at the resort for dinner. "I feel like our relationship isn't progressing at the rate it needs to be," Ashley says. This doesn't bode well for Constantine. Ashley asks Constantine if it's weird that he and Wino are friends but are dating the same girl. Yes, Ashley. It is. This whole show is weird. Ashley wants to know if Constantine is ever consumed by his emotions, and it makes it hard for her that he's not demonstrative. Constantine says he's unsure and that's why he doesn't hold hands with Ashley or kiss her a lot or anything - he's not sure if it's her or the whole process of "The Bachelorette." He says he wants to be absolutely sure, and wouldn't accept the Fantasy Suite if he wasn't absolutely sure that he loves her ...
And then the president talked about the debt ceiling for a while. Stupid current events, getting in the way of my trashy TV.
Constantine says it means the end of the road for him! Nooooooooo, Constantine! How will you and Wino keep your Wonder Twin powers!? Ashley is shocked that he didn't want to give it the time to see if there was anything there. Constantine didn't want to walk out on her, but it just wasn't there with Ashley. Ashley then spends some time angsting about whether she will end up alone after this process. (Answer: Most likely, since you're TRYING TO FIND YOUR HUSBAND ON A GAME SHOW!) She walks back to her suite ... ALONE.
The next day ... Ashley "feels so many different emotions." She's hurt by Constantine's rejection and worried someone else could leave. So she walks down to talk to Sunshine, because he's sweet and successful, and she's been thinking about him a lot. Sunshine looks so excited to see Ashley, which I must admit is really kinda sweet. Ashley tells Sunshine that he was her perfect guy on paper, and saying goodbye to him was the hardest goodbye she said, because it was premature. However, Ashley says she still knows it was the right decision, because she didn't feel that passion, which she needs in a relationship. And once again, Sunshine is rejected, and "The Bachelorette" is a little less bright once again.
It's been an emotional roller coaster for Ashley, but now it's time for a Cupcake! A float plane lands on the water near their beach, but before they get on the plane, Ashley teases him about her "surprises" from the week. But before all that, it's time for their "romantic, fun and adventuresome" date. They board the float plane and cruise their way over Fiji. "Having JP next to me just made it perfect," Ashley says. They land at the secluded Namenalala Island, and they just can't keep their hands off each other. Cupcake tells Ashley that his family loved her, and he's "ready for the end" (of the show), and wants it to be him. Ashley says she feels the passion and that it could last a lifetime. Cupcake says it feels right, and that he's falling in love with Ashley.
They get back to the resort for dinner in the middle of the jungle. "It's incredible," Cupcake says. "A perfect ending to the perfect day." Cupcake says he's a little afraid to tell her that he's falling in love with her, especially because there are two other guys still in the picture. Except ... that's not quite true. She tells Cupcake about Constantine and Sunshine, and then they discuss whether Cupcake is hung up on Ashley's other relationships and what needs to happen to take it to the next level. Ashley tells Cupcake not to hold back ... but he's still scared. He says he needs to know that she feels what he feels, and he's afraid of getting hurt again.
She hands him the Fantasy Suite card ... and he says, "Uh, yeah, I think I'm into that." Romantic. They go to their villa in the jungle, and Ashley says, "It's like we're home!" Cupcake, though, says he's still afraid to tell her exactly how she feels ... but he knows that he loves her. They make out on the bed ... the music swells ... and fade to black.
There's a few minutes of the show missing, since I had to DVR the show after "The Bachelorette" and it didn't start recording until a bit late, but Ashley and Chris chat for a bit. I do not feel like I missed anything. Ashley says it was harder to say goodbye to Ryan than to Constantine. They're still having a rose ceremony, because Ashley realized that people can still say goodbye. She will be waiting to see if the guys actually accept the rose. She just has to know!
Watching Ashley ponder what to tell the guys before the Rose Ceremony, it struck me that this show could be an hour long if they didn't show Ashley repeating the same things 15 times an episode and if they didn't have so many shots of people pondering things. Alas.
Ashley urges the guys to only accept the roses if they're really ready to get engaged and really feel strongly about her. WILL THEY BOTH ACCEPT THE ROSES!? OH THE TENSION!!!!!!
Wino ... accepts the rose. What a relief! BUT WILL CUPCAKE!? "Absolutely," he says.
As soon as they accepted, "hope came over me again," Ashley says. "I have so much more hope that I will have my happy ending."
Next week, the boys get to meet Ashley's mother, stepfather and siblings in Fiji and she'll hopefully get engaged! But before that ... Sunday, there is a reunion show. If Chris Harrison and/or Ashley don't beat the shit out of Bentley on national television, then it's an opportunity wasted. DON'T MISS THE DRAMATIC FINALE!
The reunion show...that I will watch!
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