Thursday, May 17, 2012

The Bachelorette: The Guys

Jen already recapped the show (read it here), but I am here to give a breakdown of all the (bland) guys. And provide a bit of commentary all my own.

The guys
Kalon, Houston, Luxury Sales, Modern Southern Gentlemen, used to be a womanizer, has adorable glasses, plays tennis in lime green, came in on a helicopter automatically pissing off all the other guys, has confidence

Ryan, Georgia, was a pro football player, now owns a sports center and works with kids, has an adorable dog, runs, wrote a cute note that just said that he is nervous and she is beautiful

Tony, Oregon, buys lumber, bit of a meathead, has a 5 year old son, divorced, seems nice until he does the "who has two thumbs" thing, brought a glass slipper a la Cinderella, is a dork

Larone, LA, full service real estate guy, has a tiny dog, wants a family, is slightly too into the single mom thing

David, NYC, Singer/songwriter, bit of a pretentious asshole, has written a song about Emily before meeting her, changing "bit of a pretentious asshole" to "is a total pretentious asshole"

Charlie, Nashville, Recruiter, was a normal dude until he got in an accident, falling 15 feet after a balcony he was on broke, made him reevaluate his life, has an adorable dog, is adorable, came across very natural in his intro

Jeff, Salt Lake City, entrepreneur, skateboarder, runs a bottled water company that gives money to charity, very soft spoken, rides his skateboard behind the limo, has fantastic hair

Arie, Arizona, Indy car and Formula 1 driver, drove in the Indy 500, is aware that his career could bring back painful memories

Sean, Dallas, Insurance Agent, has a pocket square, is awkward

Doug, Seattle, Charity Director, asked before he hugs her therefore my favorite so far, has an 11 year old son

Jackson, Illinois, Fitness model, goes down on his knee first and gives a nerdy poemy intro, comes off slightly douchy

Joe, LA, Field energy adviser, is too energetic, bit douchy, bit awkward

Kyle, Long Beach, Financial Adviser, the 156th guy to say he is stunning, which while possibly true in normal circumstances, is completely untrue in that hideous dress

Chris, Chicago, Corporate Sales Director, asked his family for advice, is nervous, but sweet

Aaron, Long Beach, Biology Teacher, super adorable glasses, super dorky pun

Alessandro, Minnesota, Grain Merchant, starts with "you're real", does a double kiss because he's from Brazil

Stevie, New Jersey, Party MC, is actually a fairly good dancer, can't tell if he's nice or douchy yet

Randy, Califiornia, market manager, pretends to be a grandmother a la the grandma last season, wearing a great shade of green

Nate, LA, Accountant, apparently smells good

Brent, Frenso, Technology Salesman, doesn't hug her until she offers, brought a name tag to wear so she would know his name

John "Wolf", St. Louis, Data Destruction Specialist, made no impression on me except for the douchy nickname

Travis, Mississippi, Advertising Sales Rep, brought an Ostrich egg to care for like he will care for Emily and Ricky, looks super super nervous and is sweating a lot

Michael, Austin, Rehab Counselor, has long vampire hair, brought her a guitar pic to help her remember "Music Mike"

Jean-Paul, Seattle, Marine Biologist, waits to hug her until she offers, doesn't know about Emily, therefore proving he has better taste in tv than I

Alejandro, San Francisco, Mushroom Farmer, speaks all Spanish, from Columbia, him speaking Spanish is super hot

Commentary and cocktail party highlights:
Emily's dress makes me want to vomit. It is awful and hideous and why would you wear that on tv, let alone in life?
Will the guy who gets chosen be expected to move to Charlotte?
If you want to protect your kid, don't put them on tv.
Emily has an awkward giggle.
I super love Charlie.
Emily likes being pulled around by the guys. I would have to hit them. That doesn't sound fun at all.
Chris brought bobble heads of himself and Emily. I'm...creeped out.
Jeff only has one "f" in his name? He makes Emily feel like a nerd because he is so cool.
Doug's son wrote a note to Emily. I think Emily and Doug will get along well, but where would they live if they got married?
The guys keep talking about Kalon. But totally admit it when he catches them at it.
Doug got the first impression rose.

Rose Ceremony
Received Roses: Doug, Chris, Ryan, Kalon, Arie, Charlie, Jef, Nate, Sean, Joe, Kyle, Aaron, Alejandro, John, Alessandro, Michael, Stevie, Tony, Travis

Going home: Jean-Paul, Brent, Randy, Lamone, David, Jackson

So far, the guys that I like are Jef, Charlie, and Aaron (The Professor). I can also identify Kalon, Alessandro, and Alejandro.

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