"True Blood:" A 'Holy Crap!' Season Finale

Well. A few storylines were wrapped up in the explosive season finale of "True Blood," but we have a LOT more plotlines to pick up next season. The problem is, next season doesn't start until next summer. And I reallllllllllly don't want to wait.

The main plotline as we came up to the season finale, of course, was the Marnie situation. She entered Lafayette's body. During breakfast, she attacks Jesus and informs him that she wants his brujo power. She threatens to kill Lafayette's if he doesn't comply, so he makes the noble decision to give up his power, and his life, in order to save Lafayette. The problem is, Marnie just has more power in Lafayette's body. Holly to the rescue! She, Tara and Sookie go out to Bill's mansion, where Marnie has tied up Bill and Eric in silver. She sets them on fire, and Holly, Tara and Sookie cast a spell to call the spirits of their dead loved ones to protect them. Antonia is there, and she tries to convince Marnie to let Lafayette go, let go of her anger and come be at peace with all the dead people. But it's Adele Stackhouse, Sookie's grandmother, who does the real badass thing, reaching in and physically pulling Marnie out of Lafayette's body. Sookie, of course, is rather distraught to see her grandmother, and asks her to stay because she's lot. Adele tells her to follow her heart ... which she will do later in the episode.

Some other loose ends wrapped up:

• Tommy is still dead. Sam has a quiet little funeral, attended only by Maxine Fortenberry, who offered to bring Sam one of her famous pork rind casseroles. (I am trying to decide if that's disgusting or amazing.) Sam gives Sookie her job back, since it was Tommy who fired her, and not him. Sam and Luna are giggly in love, but for Emma's sake, Luna doesn't want to dive in too fast since Marcus is barely cold in the ground. 
• Jason tells Hoyt that he slept with Jessica and gets the everloving shit kicked out of him by Hoyt. But that night, Jessica shows up in a scandalous Little Red Riding Hood lingerie costume, and they have some delightfully nasty couch sex. But they talk, and Jessica tells him that she doesn't want a serious relationship with him. She doesn't stay all night after they're together, either, because she wants to feed and doesn't want to have his blood. Jason, after thinking for a moment, decides he's OK with that. I think the two of them are a great combo, actually - honest, horny and a little unscrupulous. Also, apparently Stackhouses and vampires go together like peanut butter and jelly.
• Although ... Sookie ends up breaking some vampire hearts. After allowing Bill and Eric (wearing matching bathrobes!) to feed on her to heal after being almost burnt to a crisp by Marnie, Sookie sits them down to have a little chat. Namely, she tells them that she always feels like she's being torn in two directions because she loves them both. Bill tells her that he just wants her to be happy, and if she wants to be with Eric, he's OK with that, prompting Eric to get the most adorable eager look on his face. But, alas, Sookie tells Eric that though she realized she was actually in love with Real Eric and not just Brain-damaged Eric, she can't be with him either. There's just no other way! (Except a threesome. They were wearing nothing but matching bathrobes. I'm just saying.) So, she breaks it off with both guys.

So things are good, right? Yeah, no. So many loose ends:

• After Jessica leaves, Jason hears a knock on the door. He answers naked, thinking it's Jessica ... but it's not. It's Rev. Steve Newlin, the leader of the Fellowship of the Sun. And then his fangs pop out ... (I actually had to pause the episode to shriek, "WHAT? WAIT, WHAT?!")
• Alcide talks to Sookie, telling her that he is no longer with Debbie and urging Sookie, again, to go out with him. He tells her they should think with their brains, instead of their hearts, and they could be happy together. Considering the fact that soon afterward, she breaks up with Bill and Eric, I think Sookie might have the potential to go find comfort in Alcide's strong, manly arms. 
• Also in Alcide news ... he discovers, in a concrete parking garage he built, a hole. And some silver chains. And a glamored construction worker. Bitches, we're going to have more Russell Edgington craziness next season!!!
• Pam is waaaaay jealous of Sookie, specifically how much time Eric spends with her and how much he loves her.
• Rene appears to Arlene and tells her to watch out for Terry because of his past. Probably not coincidentally, an old Army buddy had just walked into Merlotte's and back into Terry's life after years of not seeing him. 
• Andy gives Holly a hug. Awww. His fairy baby-momma probably isn't going to like that.
• Nan Flanagan walks into Bill's mansion to tell him and Eric that she has quit the American Vampire League and The Authority, and that they have been sentenced to the true death. Oh, and that the AVL and Authority are fractured with lots of groups, not all of which like what they've been doing. And they're interested in Sookie. Then she calls Bill and Eric puppy-dogs when they see Sookie, so Eric chops off the heads of her guards and Bill stakes her. Is there going to be a fairy war AND a vampire revolt next season? Let's hope so!!!!
• And finally .... the last scene. Sookie walks into her kitchen, and there is Debbie Pelt. With a shotgun. She pulls the trigger ... and Tara jumps in front of the bullet for Sookie, and takes a bullet in the head. Sookie knocks Debbie down, puts the shotgun to her chin, and pulls the trigger. The last scene we see of the ENTIRE EFFING SEASON is Sookie on the kitchen floor, cradling a limp Tara, screaming "Somebody help!"

Fade to black, gotta wait nine months to find out what happened. Thanks a lot, Alan Ball!

To tide you over ... here are some of the great quotes from tonight:

Hoyt, after Jason admits to sleeping with Jessica: "How did you do it?"
Jason (confused): "That's ... kind of a weird question, but if you want to know ... missionary, then doggie, then her on top. Nothing too kinky."

Sookie to Arlene, in her Halloween costume: "Your severed-toe necklace is super cute."

Jesus, to Marnie in Lafayette's body: "I agree with you. Vampires suck."

Jesus, to Marnie in Lafayette's body: "You can't trade magic like fucking Pokeman cards!"

Arlene, to her children: "You better behave yourselves or you'll be trick-or-treating at the trailer park again. Do you want a bag full of empty Coors cans and food stamps, or do you want candy? The choice is yours!" (Her daughter, by the way, was dressed up as Jenelle from "Teen Mom 2." Ha!)

Holly, in her Halloween costume, after she scares Sookie: "I'm just a fairy, honey. There's nothing scary about fairies."

Holly, after Tara and Sookie worry about her magic ability: "Usually I just light a candle and ask the spirits to make sure my boys stay out of jail and don't knock somebody up. So far that's worked out OK."

Marnie, in Lafayette's body: "As your friend Lafayette would say, 'What goes around comes around, bitches.'"

Eric, after the fire around them is put out: "Excuse me. We're feeling a little crispy up here."

Pam, to a fangbanger: "I am so over Sookie and her precious fairy vagina and her incredibly stupid name! Fuck Sookie!"

Eric, when Nan shows up with goofy-looking guards in black: "Hi Nan ... and gay stormtroopers."

Eric, while looking at Nan's bloody remains: "What a bitch."