No more Gavin, no more Gladys, no more Tristan, no more Val, no more Maks. Why, exactly, are we still watching this show? Oh, yeah, because when we make a commitment to recapping/snarking about pop culture, WE FOLLOW THROUGH! Unless something better comes up, which doesn't happen to us very often. We lead sad lives.
Anyway, "Dancing With the Stars!" The final four dance two dances each, and the majority of them were boring. Come, let us explore the dullness of "Dancing With the D-List" and its top four dancers.
Cheryl Burke & William Levy: Tango to "Sweet Dreams."
Kel's thoughts: William is still a bitchy little whiner and I still don't like him. And I don't find him hot. So there. This will never not remind me of Neil Haskell on So You Think You Can Dance. William needs to stop dropping his left arm. It makes him look not very strong. Cheryl totally owned that tango and completely out-danced him (obviously), but also out acted him. He felt flat and boring.
Jen's thoughts: William had messy feet and he is boring. Cheryl, however, is bringing it! It's just too bad she got a dull-as-dishwater, whiny, annoying partner.
Judges' thoughts: Len thought it was good, but his hold needed to be tighter and he was slightly flat footed. Bruno loved it (because he wants to sleep with William, natch). Carrie Anne liked it a lot, but had some quibbles.
Score: 10s from Carrie Ann and Bruno, and a 9 from Len, for a total of 29.
Mark Ballas & Katherine Jenkins: Quickstep to "Dirty Boogie."
Kel's thoughts: Katherine has one of the best frames of a "star" ever on the show. However, in her quickstep here she has missed a few steps. The whole dance isn't as smooth as it should be. She didn't seem as confident and it looked like Mark had way more energy than her, which hasn't seemed to be a problem this season like it has in past seasons.
Jen's thoughts: Until about halfway through the dance, I wasn't getting any personality from her at all. She had a fake smile just plastered on her face. However, when she loosened up she finally started to look like she was genuinely enjoying herself, and it was very cute. They move extremely well, but I was just waiting to be "wowed."
Judges' thoughts: They fell all over themselves loving it. They found it "incredible," "fantastic" and "amazing."
Score: 10s from Carrie Ann and Bruno, and a 9 from Len, for a total of 29.
Peta Murgatroyd & Donald Driver: Waltz to "Kissing You."
Kel's thoughts: I hate when guys complain about their hips. It isn't girly to move your hips if you are a guy. It is hot. Stop whining about it. Dancing to an actual waltz! But besides that I really can't tell you anything about it because I totally didn't pay any attention. I was trying to count that song because it totally kept trying to change time signatures. Also, that song is in the Baz Luhrmann version of "Romeo & Juliet." Mmmmm Leonardo DiCaprio. Oh, sorry. Dancing. Yeah. No. Don't care.
Jen's thoughts: It was a good dance, but nothing special at all. It just didn't thrill me, because I didn't feel much of a connection between Peta and Donald. In the words of slutty vampire Willow from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer:" Bored now.
Judges' thoughts: Carrie Ann felt the love story, but I think she was actually just feeling the looooove from Donald's nicely sculpted bod. Len thought it was charming and Bruno thought it was gentle.
Score: 9s from Carrie Ann and Len, and a 10 from Bruno, for a total of 28.
Derek Hough & Maria Menounous: Argentine Tango to a classical piece.
Kel's thoughts: Maria's feet don't seem quite as sharp as they should be for an Argentine Tango, but the attitude and passion of the dance is there. And there is definitely a connection between Maria and Derek. And Derek's choreo is fierce. That was the first dance I enjoyed today. And I like how intense Maria is about it. Even after the dance you can tell that she is still feeling it. Either that or she hurt herself.
Jen's thoughts: FINALLY! SOME PASSION! And oh, what great passion it is. Derek and Maria have wonderful chemistry, and that's what makes their dances the most fun to watch. Yes, the cool lifts and stuff they did were great, but it was all about the chemistry for me!
Judges' thoughts: They all LOVED it!
Score: A perfect 30!!
Cheryl & William: Samba to "Hey Magdalena."
Kel's thoughts: There is no snap to his Samba. It seems very squishy to me. Listen. I love Samba. It is probably my favorite dance to do. It is a party dance, but it needs tons of precision. And William just didn't have it. That style with Salsa would be fine. But I didn't really like it. Also, I didn't feel much energy at all. Meh! Though fun fact: when the song started (one of my favorite Samba songs) I stood up and did the little bum shake right before Cheryl and William did them. Yay me!
Jen's thoughts: William is more into Samba, and it shows. He has more energy than he did for his first dance, but he was still a little sloppy and boring, and Cheryl overshadowed the hell out of him. He does have a nice butt, though. That's about all he has going for it.
Judges' thoughts: Let's just put it this way - little pools of pee appeared under all their seats, they were so thrilled.
Score: A perfect 30.
Mark & Katherine: Salsa to "Belly Dancer."
Kel's thoughts: Wow, she really doesn't look comfortable doing this dance. I like the concept and she is dancing it well enough, but she just doesn't have that ease in dancing that she usually has. And the ending went wrong. Oh snap. Not sure what happened there besides her tripping. She definitely hurt herself. Something about her back? I'm rewatched and I'm still not sure. I think Mark may have pulled her off balance slightly at the end, which made her twist and almost fall backwards. All I know is that Mark, like any good ballroom partner, totally had her and was not letting her hit the floor.
Jen's thoughts: I love the feel of this dance, and I think she's really trying to have the sassy, sexy personality that she needs. However, it was clear that she was kind of nervous and uncomfortable, so it fell a little flat overall.
Judges' thoughts: Carrie Ann was thrilled that she pushed her boundaries, and they all thought it was a good dance, but probably not her absolute best.
Score: Three nines for a 27.
Peta & Donald: Samba to "Mr. Big Stuff."
Kel's thoughts: The best way to describe his dancing is cheeky. He had quite a bit of snap to his dancing and he acted the hell out of that number. My only complaint is his heel steps. No! Latin! Latin has toe leads. Always. Gah! However, I really enjoyed the entire atmosphere of the dance and I thought the energy worked well. Definitely the most fun of the dances so far tonight.
Jen's thoughts: Donald had lots of energy in this dance, though I felt like Peta was overshadowing him at times. I really think he's light on his feet, although I did think a few of his steps looked heavy, which I'm assuming are when he was doing heels steps. Anyway, it was a cute, fun little dance.
Judges' thoughts: Does anyone even listen to the judges, anyway?
Score: 10s from Carrie Ann and Bruno, and a 9 from Len for a total of 29.
Derek & Maria: Jive to "Tightrope."
Kel's thoughts: Super cute choreography and Maria definitely had all her steps. But her steps lacked snap and energy. She looks like she is dragging a lot. There is a difference between Derek's smoothness with energy and Maria's lack of energy. However, the entire look and theming of the dance was good.
Jen's thoughts: I think I've become an unrepentant Derek & Maria fan, because I loved this dance too. Again, it's the chemistry! Her dancing was a little less strong than before, but it was still very good, and I liked it! It was one of the most fun to watch.
Judges' thoughts: Carrie Ann said Maria is a "stunner," and Len thought it "felt great."
Score: 10s from Carrie Ann and Bruno, and a 9 from Len for a total of 29.
Final thoughts.
Kel's thoughts: Overall, I'm not terribly impressed with much of anyone tonight. I thought Donald's Samba was the best overall dance of the night, followed by Maria's Tango and then Maria's Jive. I think Katherine is in serious trouble tonight. Which is unfortunate. I would send William home if it were up to me.
Jen's thoughts: I concur that I would send William home if it were up to me. He is not welcome on my TV screen any longer! However, my favorite dance was Maria's Argentine Tango. I loved the passion of the dance, and it was technically great! I agree that Katherine is in serious trouble, but I kind of hope not. She had an off night. I also hope her back is OK. Really, as long as Maria stays, I'm OK!
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