"Dancing With the Stars" Recap - Sob Story

It's Monday night, which means it's time for "Dancing With the So-Called Stars." 


Most importantly - Kel is back, which means that both Pop Tarts are blogging! 

Kel: Did you miss me last week? I'm sure you did. I watched the dances from last week, though not the judge's comments because they are cracked out anyway. I'm sad Martina is gone, but really, she was bad last week. This week is the "Everyone Is Going To Cry" week. Something about most important times in their life week. Or something. Also, holy shit! What is wrong with Brooke's dress?

Jen: Since it's "Everyone Is Going To Cry" week, it's also "The Judges Ridiculously Overinflate The Scores, I Mean, More Than Normal, No Really, You're Giving THAT A 10, You Idiot?" week. 

The Dances:

Anna and Not Robert Wagner, Samba 
Not Robert's most important year is 2011 because he met a daughter he didn't know he had at a concert.
Kel: Anna's outfit is my favorite thing ever. His technique is bad. When he is doing super slow sidesteps, he has decent hip work, but besides that, not good. He reminds me of that spazzy uncle at a wedding reception who thinks he is a better dancer than he is and really is just all gangly limbs and sloppy dancing.
Jen: First of all, there was some bad lighting on the far shots! It was a good dance but I just get a total dork vibe off him. He's too stiff for samba and danced it like a white guy. He did alright on the steps but I don't get the great vibe off him.
Judges: The judges thought Not Robert was very improved from last week, and that he was much more "on it" this week.
Scores: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 8. Total: 24.

Derek and Maria Menounos, Rhumba
1988 is her most memorable year. Her parents were janitors at night clubs after immigrating. She and her siblings would go to work with their parents because they didn't have the money for a babysitter. Maria would pick up quarters and play Material Girl on the jukebox.
Kel: I don't really have any comments on that. It was super steamy (given the opportunity who wouldn't lay on the floor and kiss Derek Hough). I liked the look of the dance and she really looked like a pro. But I feel like it was a bit of a cheat in that there was very little ballroom dance in it. It was more lyrical Rhumba than true Rhumba. Which is theory is fine, but that makes it very hard to judge against an actual Rhumba.
Jen: It was a damn sexy dance! She had pretty decent footwork, and I liked the feel. There was even some delightful making out, definitely feel the passion between the two of them! Kel is right that it wasn't really a Rhumba, but damn, it was hot! Twitter just wanted to know, "OMG DID THEY KISS!?"
Judges: The judges all liked the sensuality of the dance. Kel liked that Carrie Ann used her favorite ballroom quote, "Dance is the vertical expression of a horizontal desire." Len praised it for the mix of ballroom and bedroom.
Score: Carrie Ann, 9; Len, 9; Bruno, 9. Total: 27.

Tristan and Gladys Knight, Foxtrot
1957 is her most memorable year because it was her first tour with the Pips and when she met all the best musicians at the time. I bet she has amazing stories about amazing people.
Kel: I love that Tristan sticks out his tongue! Did I mention that before? I really do because I have that habit, too. Anyway...dance! She looks very elegant. And he looks gentle. Foxtrot is never a big fan favorite, but I personally love it a lot. That was very well danced and had the perfect Foxtrot feel. And she looked so happy!
Jen: She has such a regal presence, but is just so cute and wonderful! It's not the hardest dance by far, and it's not super exciting, but she danced a very solid foxtrot with good footwork. Also, she's a legend.
Judges: They loved her grace and presence on the dance floor. Carrie Ann said she needs to work on her frame, but in general the judges loved her flow and grace.
Scores: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 8. Total: 24.

Chelsie and Roshon Fegan, Samba
1996 is his most memorable year because that is the first time he saw Michael Jackson on stage. We're not old, but this kid makes us feel old. He got to rehearse with MJ's choreographer. Awesome!
Kel: So much sparkle! He is a little flingy with his arms and his legs are still a bit gangly and sloppy, but you can't fault a kid was being that excited to be dancing. That kid is a pure performer. He is not the best technical dancer, but I like to watch him. How fun.
Jen: I love Lacey's sparkly outfit and the general sparkly 70s vibe of this dance! Roshon is a very good dancer, with really good moves! They just look like they're having a lot of fun, even though Roshon gets a little wild at times. I would watch him dance any day.
Judges: Len and Carrie Ann wanted to see a more traditional samba, which, as Kel says, "fair enough. But Derek's bedroom Rhumba was fine? Favoritism? Maybe a bit?" Bruno said Michael Jackson would have loved it. 
Scores: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 9. Total: 25.

Karina and Gavin DeGraw, Rhumba
He and his family went to a Billy Joel concert which made him want to be a musician in 1998, which his family encouraged him to do. His dad got him gigs by going door to door. I love his dad! How sweet. However, Gavin, the hats? What are you hiding? OMG no hat!!!!!! (He's hiding nothing.)
Kel: Would that be considered a lift? I can't tell if his hips are good because he is blending into the background. He did exactly what a guy is supposed to do in a Rhumba, which is be strong and showcase the girl. Mmmmm steamy! Oh and finally getting to see his hips...they were nice. His arms were also good. I'll tell you why I like Gavin and why I think most people will also like Gavin. He dances like a normal dude. He isn't super polished or perfect and it doesn't come naturally to him. But he is trying really really hard.
Jen: His Rhumba had more of a beat than Maria's. It was not quite as sexy, but still pretty sexy because, hello, Gavin DeGraw! He's adorable! He feels the music, I can tell. Plus, at the end of the dance, he put his face in Karina's boobs and then looked up with a big giant ornery grin. Hilarious!
Judges: They dug the hip action, the sexiness and the fact that he's improving all the time. Carrie Ann's heart is going fluttery for him.
Scores: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 8. Total: 24.

Mark and Katherine Jenkins, Waltz
1996 is her most memorable year because she found out that her dad had lung cancer. Why can't people have happy memorable years?
Kel: This singer isn't bad, but I'd rather hear Josh Groban. This isn't a fucking waltz! Waltz = 3/4 time. This is 4/4. Therefore I don't care how lovely her dancing is and how much she looks like a pro. Not waltz. Disqualified! Suck it! I refuse to pay any more attention to her tonight.
Jen: It's not a waltz! It was a well-executed dance, but not super moving. AND IT'S NOT A FREAKING WALTZ!
Judges: They were practically jizzing in their pants over the dance. I CALL SHENANIGANS! Thank goodness Len at least mentioned that Mark didn't choreograph enough waltz. BECAUSE HE DIDN'T CHOREOGRAPH ANY WALTZ!
Scores: Carrie Ann, 10; Len, 9; Bruno, 10. Total: 29.

Val and Sherri Shepherd, Rhumba
Her son being born way early is her most memorable year. Again with the sad, but now happy!
Kel: Oh Val...so adorable. He is like a safer version Maks. Her son is so cute! It is weird to dance a rhumba for your kid. Because Rhumba is the sensual sex dance. I may have been distracted by Val and Sherri's dress during most of that. She acts the dances out really well and her arms and hands look great. But she feet are a bit meh. Can we discuss how strong Val is. Hot. Sorry, yeah. Her dance. Technique is not her thing, but whatever.
Jen: Sherri is telling a story, ladies and gentlemen!! Her dancing is quite good, and she has more control than last week. She's feeling it! It's not as sensual as a Rhumba often is, but she danced an emotional dance.
Judges: They thought she did really well, but didn't really elaborate much. Carrie Ann did praise how she let her emotions out.
Scores: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 8. Total: 24.

Maks and Melissa Gilbert, Jive
2010 is her most memorable year because she broke her back and had to walk with a walker. So kinda a happy memorable because she is better. She's dancing to "Dog Days Are Over" by Florence+The Machine.
Kel: Maks has his shirt open. Mmmmmm...Val is Maks lite...Val had one button done to be less threatening. Her legs have no snap to them. And she looks like she is just hanging on for dear life dancing with Maks. However, this is the first week that she looks excited and happy to be dancing. Also...Maks looked so hot during that dance.
Jen: Maks' shirt is open, which makes every dance better!! The beginning part of the dance is great, with lots of lifts, but when they sped up, they had a tear with the band (which is the band's fault). However, even when they got back on the same tempo, Melissa was still pretty sloppy, especially on the fast footwork. She got better as the dance went on but, for me, she just doesn't have much of a personality.
Judges: They liked that she seemed happy and not terribly nervous for the first time all season. They were mixed on the fast part, but liked the beginning part.
Scores: Carrie Ann, 8; Len, 8; Bruno, 8. Total: 24.

Kym and Jaleel White, Rhumba
Bringing the Stefan, as that is his most memorable year - when Steve Urkle went hot and smooth. Ahh, we remember it well (we were HUGE "Family Matters" fans when we were kids).
Kel: Are we always going to put him in white? Because he looks good in it. He steps very flat footed instead of on the balls of his feet. However, he looks smooth and is acting the hell out of the dance. He looks strong and manly and hot. That ending pose is hot! Mad mad props to Kym for choreographing that and mad props to Jaleel for that swagger. He was lush.
Jen: He's so sexy! It wasn't a super tough dance, though, and he's a bit ploddy on his feet at a few points to boot. He did a good job on dips and stuff and had some great moves later in the dance. Overall, it was pretty good and sexy (or lush, as Kel says).
Judges: Len said the performance was "competent," but said he needs to use his arms as well as his hips. Carrie Ann and Bruno said very little helpful.
Scores: Carrie Ann, 9; Len, 8; Bruno, 8. Total: 25.

Cheryl and William Levy, Salsa
1995 is his most memorable year because that is the year that he came from Cuba to the U.S. A happy memory!
Kel: Cheryl's outfit is better than Anna's. He has really good club salsa style. Very relaxed and sexy. The open shirt doesn't hurt. He needs to work on turn out and being lighter on his feet. He steps kind of flat footed some times. Also, I will say...the man is hot. But I find him generically hot and do not see the insane reaction from everyone else in the world. What am I missing? Seriously. If you find him hot, please tell me what I am missing.
Jen: OK, he does look good shirtless. And he has GREAT hips. However, he also dances with ploddy steps! Overall, they're depending too much on his dynamite hips and general sex appeal to get him through from week to week, and since I, too, do not find him terribly sexy beyond the general "Oooh, look at his chest muscles!" I'm left a little flat each week. However, I do have to say it's the best I've seen him.
Judges: Peed themselves in excitement. Jen did like Len's quote, "You put a whole new meaning to Free Willy!" but he was talking about him breaking out and conquering salsa and not a wardrobe malfunction, which is where Jen's dirty mind went. They were all dazzled by his abs, so Kel was apparently the only person looking at his feet.
Scores: Carrie Ann, 9; Len, 9; Bruno, 10. Total: 28.

Peta and Donald Driver, Rhumba
His most memorable year is 2010 when his best friend died from cancer. Again with the sad.
Kel: His pants should be tighter because he has a nice ass. I could also use more hip action overall. And OMG point your toes and turn your feet out. Not a lot of real dance in there I think. I think I just get crabby by the end of two hours. It was fine. He looked fine. He's hot. He gives good chest.
Jen: It was not super sexy, but it good emotional dance, just like sherri. Donald was precise when he danced, but there was not as much passion as I like in my Rhumba. It was good overall, but not great.
Judges: More piddling in their chairs. Len went so far as to call him "awesome," which is not a word Len, a cranky old British man, uses very often. Kel is pissy that "it is the like the judges are refusing to judge because there is emotion. Emotion doesn't trump technique. You need both. Blah."
Scores: Carrie Ann, 9; Len, 8; Bruno, 9. Total: 26.

Overall ...
Tonight was a night with a lot of emotion, which can be a good thing because it makes the dances interesting to watch. However, this causes a lot of problems in the judging, because they overinflate their scores even more. As an audience member, the emotion is probably more important than the technique. But as a judge, the technique should matter. That is why you are a judge. You are the expert and should act like it. Harumph!