Also, Kel made up a drinking game, but she didn't follow it and neither should you, due to an extremely high likelihood of dying of alcohol poisoning.
And here we go!
Apparently, Wino wants the
Kel: These bitches are crazy. Also...did you know that there is a Rachel?
Jen: No. No, I did not.
Seriously, we're pretty sure that they keep switching girls out just to mess with our heads.
Kacie cries (drink!) about it, of course, because she is unstable. She even says that she wants to throw up. That seems extreme to me.
Anyway, Rachel is nervous about her date. Apparently, according to Kel's notes, they go on a helicopter (drink!) and then they're in a canoe. I am going to assume they parachuted out of the helicopter and landed perfectly in the canoe, "just the two of us" ... and the camera crew, as Kel points out. They make out, because Ben is a makeout slut.
A blond who Kel thinks may be Monica and Kacie Stalker think Rachel is going to go home because of a lack of connection ... which leads into an awkward shot of Rachel and Ben having nothing to talk about. According to Kel, "Ben is confused how he feels. Something is off about their relationship. Rachel doesn't like opening up. Also, Ben is super funny."
Meanwhile, back at the ranch ... in Kel's word, "the bitches get a date card." The skanktestants going on the date are Jamie, Casey S, Blakely, Lindzi, Samantha, Nicki, Kacie B and Courtney.
Awkward date is awkward, but there are no specific notes because Kel was eating popcorn. However, she does say that he mentioned Ashley (drink!). Apparently Ben must have been drinking too, because Rachel gets a rose, then they eat s'mores and make out. Must have been sticky.
The group date starts out with Ben on horseback. Lindzi (Horse Girl) is overly excited, but some other girl is really freaked out. They go fly fishing, with Ben instructing on the ways of properly holding the rod. (That is definitely not a metaphor for anything.) Clingy Kacie clings. Crazy Courtney is crazy. And we learn that the rod work is all in the wrist. (Tee hee!)
Apparently Ben lurves Courtney, which drives the other girls to drinking. This show is going to drive me and Kel to drinking. Lindzi is offended by Ben and Courtney, and the fact that Courtney caught a fish. I am offended by the fact that this show exists.
Part two of the group date, Ben hands out with non-crazy Courtney (note from Kel: I'm not sure who this is supposed to be, but it wasn't Courtney) and Nicki, whoever that is, interrupts. Then Ben kisses a girl, because he is a whore, and gets interrupted by Samantha, whoever that is. She is insecure because she has only done group dates. Ben says that he's noticed her drama in group dates and is not impressed by how poorly she's handled herself. So, he sends her home. Oh snap!
Kel: "I will say this about Ben, he is very straight forward and honest. He doesn't tolerate crazy drama and bullshit."
Then he spends time alone with The Stalker, and he takes her to his room so they can, guess what? Kiss! OMG, Kissing Bandit! Courtney and Ben spend time together, with Courtney in a tiny swimsuit top and Ben shirtless, which Kel assures me is not a bad thing. Courtney whines and whines, but Ben likes her. Kel says, "She is manipulating the hell out of him."
Ben gives the rose to Courtney, even though he wasn't going to, to "reassure her." Kel says "she is a manipulative whore. And she's crazy."
The final date is with Jennifer.
In Kel's words: "Apparently this date is all about fighting fear again. Ben is torturing dates again. But shirtless, so whatever."
I am so not sure what the date is about, because Kel takes very few notes. She does say that "Ben is taking the whole 'diving into the unknown' too literally. It is a saying, sweetie, not a challenge." So, I'm assuming that he's making Jennifer dive into a kiddy-pool filled with pudding, because she's deathly afraid of pudding after her Cat, Snickers McGee, was killed in an unfortunate pudding-related accident. That makes sense, right?
They kiss, causing Kel to start calling Ben Hashtag Whore because he kisses everyone, then Jennifer gets the rose and someone called Clay Walker gives a concert. The Google says he's a country singer, which is why Kel and I don't know who the heck he is. Kel: "Though I like the dorky fun dancing. You work that awkward dancing shit, Hashtag Whore."
Drama Party time! Emily calls out Courtney to Ben, although Ben has solid advice of not worrying about everyone else. I'll just let Kel explain it: "Ben definitely doesn't like drama, so he may not like Emily calling him out. But really, if Ben is looking for Courtney, he is an idiot ... So, Emily tells some other girl that she doesn't like Courtney, but that girl is friends with Courtney. So random blond chick than goes and tells Courtney. Oh, high school." Also, more bullshit drama happened, but since there was no hair-pulling, Jello wrestling or throwing girls in the pool, it is not noteworthy.
Finally, it is time for the Rose Ceremony. Kel explains: "The girls with roses already are Courtney, Rachel, and Jennifer. Also with roses: Lindzi, Jamie, Nicki, Kacie B, Elyse, Blakely, Casey S, Emily. Which means that Monica is going home. I really couldn't care less. It is nice that there will still be Emily/Courtney drama week. And Monica is taking it well. Crying, but not hysterical."
Next week: Puerto Rico, land of drama and nudity! I may have to actually watch next week. Maybe.
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