"True Blood" Recap: Shit Gets More Real

Has it really been an entire week since I blogged? I suck. This week needs to be better! (Of course, KEL could blog too. She acts like she's been busy or something ...)

ANYWHO ... Sunday night's "True Blood" was the best of the season, hands down. We're finally really getting into the meat of the season. It's been quite a build-up, but it's starting to really, really pay off in big ways. I said, "Holy shit!" and "Oh my gosh!" out loud many times this episode, and not just because we got to see Joe Manganiello's ass in all its glory.

Jason runs over to talk Sookie out of wasting her fairy power, and soon they find themselves back at the fae strip club talking to Claude and the Claudettes. They tell her that they can use magical physics to channel what happened on the bridge to find out who killed Sookie's parents. But when we do, soon Sookie starts channeling the vampire, Warlow. At the end of the episode, the Big Bad Warlow appears to Sookie and tells her, "I'm coming for you. You are mine!" Ummm, eek.

Terry and Patrick also have a Big Bad coming for them, and Arlene convinces Lafayette (who drives back to Bon Temps with Ghost Jesus, in a heart-melting moment) to do a fake seance to convince Terry and Patrick that the smoke monster isn't after them. However, it backfires when the pissed-off Iraqi woman actually shows up to the party and tells Lafayette that Terry must kill Patrick, or vice versa.

Meanwhile, Alcide is gearing up for his packmaster challenge by having sex with What's-Her-Name, which, while great (because Joe Manganiello was naked, natch), is also disappointing because it should be Sookie! Eric. OMG. What are you doing to me?

Anyway, after the sexytimes, Alcide shows up, but forfeits when J.D. says that they're going to compete by tracking and killing a human. Alcide tries to intervene, which gives the college track star J.D. chose a chance to run away, but Alcide gets his ass thoroughly handed to him and probably would be dead if Martha hadn't stepped in and convinced J.D. that killing Alcide would tarnish the pack's reputation.

In more shifter news, the most shocking AND most hilarious thing of the episode, I think, was Luna shifting into Sam. Sam Trammell deserves a cabinet full of Emmys for the way he played Luna-as-Sam. Anyway, Luna shifts because she's epically pissed, and she can't shift back, and she knows she'll die if she stays in his skin too long. At least, that's as much as I can remember from the stupid skinwalker storyline from last season. Anyway, Sam comforting someone who looks exactly like himself was weirdly awesome. Sam confesses his love for Luna, and she turns back into herself, then promptly ralphs.

Sam wasn't just a comforter for Luna this episode, though. He interrogates the hillbilly he caught at the hospital until he tells him and Andy where they're hiding out ... with Jessica in silver! Yes, Hoyt's new buddies took the liberty of capturing Jessica (who played right into their hands - bad Jessica!) and told Hoyt to kill her. He didn't, of course, and instead he and Jessica dispatched of the remaining hicks and Hoyt escaped. (Jessica couldn't, because it was daylight.) Hoyt doesn't make it far, though, before someone (we don't know who!) sticks a gun in his face.

In other vampire news, Tara meets up with a racist, stupid bitch from high school and gets into it with the woman, earning her a scolding from Pam. At least, that's what she thinks ... until Pam takes her downstairs into their dungeon and glamors the girl into being Tara's own personal Mean Girl Meal. "You don’t know me that well. My mad face and my happy face are the same," Pam tells her before Tara starts to feed. I am worried about the pair of them - as much as I love their relationship, I think Eric is going to be pissed when he gets back ...

... Because Eric is now the mainstreaming champion of the Authority, apparently. Eric feels bad for their night of Lillith-blood-induced debauchery, and so does Bill, apparently ... until he decides to drink from a young woman Salome offers him.

Eric, meanwhile, tries to convince Nora that Godric didn't want them to eat humans, but Nora is unmoved, calling Godric a blasphemer. Eric looks genuinely hurt by the whole exchange, but it's nothing compared to the hurt on his face when his bromance partner Bill comes up with a great idea to hurt the mainstreamers and get vampires in charge - bomb the TruBlood factories. What a turnaround, huh? Eric used to be the shady one, with Bill on the straight-and-narrow, but Eric is feeling quite warm-and-fuzzy toward humans now. Crazy.

A few closing thoughts:

• Russell and Steve Newlin are an amazing pair. Seriously, their chatter was one of the highlights of the show.
• Sam Trammell is a gem! I almost want Luna to shift back into Sam just to see the way he walked.
• Is Bill actually going evil or just being opportunistic? And does it matter? If he comes to his senses, will he be able to live with himself?
• Does Alexander Skarsgaard have the best hurt puppy-dog face ever? (Answer: Yes.)

All I know is, I can hardly wait for next week!

"True Blood" Recap: Shit's Gettin' Real

There's a moment in every season of "True Blood" where shit starts to get real.

Sure, we've had some dramatic moments so far, but last night was the first time when I really got the sense that there will be some big shakeups before the end of the season.

So, it looks like Sookie might not be fae for terribly much longer, at least at the rate she's going. After she wakes up in the fairy strip club, Claude and the other fairy (Claudette? Claudulus?) tell her that she is using up her luminescence, i.e., the thing that makes her fairyish. She could be normal. Good for Sookie, bad for the viewers.

She and Jason have a touching brother-sister moment, when Jason makes Sookie breakfast in bed and tells her that she is not to feel guilty about their parents' deaths, because she never let him blame himself. It was about the sweetest we've seen Jason, even after he eats the bacon he had made for Sookie.

That night, Jason goes to see Jessica, to tell her what he'd found out about his parents death, but it's really not a good time - Jessica is feeding on a guy whose name she doesn't even know, and when Jason tastes his blood on her lips, he (understandably) freaks out. Jessica asks him if he knows the name of all the cows he's eaten. "What the fuck kinda question is that? I ain’t never fucked a cow!" he yells back before he calls her a fanger. She bites his neck, so he shoots her in the head - of course, bringing down the wrath of her guards but not actually affecting Jess much. I take it they're not going to get together again anytime soon? Jason leaves the mansion before Jessica's guards can kill him and sees a light show from over at Sookie's - she's blasting her fairy magic light into the sky in order to become a normal human.

In other news, even though my Alcide/Sookie hookup appears to not be happening (damn you, Northman!), we might get to see a naked Alcide sometime before the end of the season. His training session with his second, Rikki, quickly turns into a hot-n-heavy makeout session (he even growls at her! *fans self*), and it looks like it was going to turn into more until Marcus' mother, Martha, walks in. She says that JD promises he isn't on V, and that JD deserves to be packmaster because when her husband died he allows Marcus to be packmaster in his father's place. HOWEVER, Martha has to eat her words when she walks in on JD trying to give Emma some V. Will she help train Alcide now?

In other shifter news, Sam finds the box of Obama masks in the anti-supes shop and has a conversation with Sookie about being normal (this is before she starts shedding her fairy powers), and tells her that even though the man he wants to be doesn't want to be normal, it would be easier for the people he loved if he was normal. But the question Sookie asks - would they still see the hate, even if they were normal?

Speaking of hate, Hoyt has joined the hate group with his old pal Joe Bob and new friends Ray and Tyrese. Their conversation - about how hate groups are about the love and togetherness the members feel and how the "lamestream media" makes them feel inferior to vampires - is creepy, but it's also a real perspective on the anatomy of a hate group. Anyway, their plan is to kill Jessica for, essentially, date-raping Hoyt, since they're sure she glamored him into everything.

Also speaking of people with a lot of hate in their hearts, Lafayette went to visit Don Bartolo, Jesus' grandfather, and discovers he has Jesus' head, with stitched-up lips, in his house. He stitches up Lafayette's lips and begins to perform a ritual to get his family's magic back by having his wife drink blood from Lafayette's brain in order to pass the magic onto his unborn son. (Note: I am not squeamish - I laugh when people get staked on this show - but the mere MENTION of drinking blood from Lafayette's brain kind of made me want to throw up.) However, Don Bartolo was not expecting his wife to stab him repeatedly, then cut open Lafayette's mouth. I wasn't that interested in Lafayette's story before, but I REALLY am now.

There wasn't too much this week in the Terry/Arlene and Pam/Tara department. Tara is working the pole at Fangtasia (she looked SMOKIN' hot, by the way) when her mother walks in to show her disapproval. In true Tara style, she acts aloof, but later she tells Pam how conflicted she feels. Pam, in true Pam style, tells her that Pam is her mother now, and Tara won't remember her human mother in 100 years. Tara actually hugs Pam - who actually allows it! Aww, softening of their hearts!

Meanwhile, Terry and Patrick are waiting for the fire demon, and it comes and laughs at them and Terry almost commits suicide but Patrick convinces him that his children and stepchildren would want him to fight. But the real gem of this storyline is Arlene watching her wedding video. There were funny parts, like Jason getting distracted by a hot girl, and some parts that actually made me kind of sad, like Lafayette and Jesus looking so happy together. The whole thing was a great little moment. Holly walks in and convinces Arlene to fight for Terry, and tells her that maybe there is a fire demon after him.

AND FINALLY ... we have the most exciting part of the episode: the return of Russell Edgington, batshit crazy vampire!

OK, so, first things first: Roman is dead. That makes me sad, as, once again, I have nowhere to watch Christopher Meloni on my TV each week.

Russell hangs Eric from a column, then gets subdued by a silver net, and Eric and Bill are thrown into a cell together to think about things.

Soon, though, they're summoned to see Nora and Salome ... and Russell! They find out, of course, that Salome rescued Russell, surprising absolutely nobody except for Bill and Eric because they're a bit obtuse. (She had followed them when they went to free Russell.) Anyway, Salome explains some vampire-religion gobbledeegook that basically boils down to wanting to "share in Lilith's powers" at an initiation ceremony. "Never, you Bible-banging cunts," Eric snarls, but the less hot-headed Bill doesn't agree or disagree.

But Eric is no fool - he comes to the initiation and partakes in the ritual of drinking the blood of Lilith. (Another guardian does not, and he is not so lucky - Russell takes off his head.) Eric shrugs and whispers to Bill that they're vampires, and drinking vampire blood can't hurt them.

Heh. Cut to them all walking down the street in New Orleans, being the worst example of high-and-mighty, bloodthirsty vampires possible. Although, did you notice that Eric was giving Bill a piggyback ride? Kel (even though she hasn't been watching this season - bad Kel!) is convinced that Eric and Bill are going to get it on before the end of the season. I wasn't sure until tonight, but that piggyback ride convinced me. That, plus all of the smoldering glances and concern about each other, makes me think that it's going to turn the corner from bromance to romance before the final credits roll on the season. In fact, since Alcide/Sookie appears to not be happening, maybe I should start shipping Eric/Bill instead.

Anyway, I digress. The vampires end up at a karaoke bar, where Russell interrupts a bride-to-be singing "You Light Up My Life." Bwa ha, I adore Russell! Anyway, they freak out when they figure out who it is, and soon they're all snacking on unsuspecting guests. The vampires see a vision of Lilith, who blows a cloud of blood at Nora, who starts feeding again. The other vampires do too, but soon Godric appears to Eric and tells him to save his sister. To be continued ...

This week's episode was exciting, and I'm glad to see all of the stories continue to speed up. There were several episodes there that got a little slow, but things are really starting to happen now. I hope that things keep ramping up as the season gets closer to its finale, although I'm a little nervous about fitting everything in. We really need to continue to consolidate storylines in order to make things fit. Or, I'd be happy if we finished up a plotline, just because it would feel like we were getting somewhere.

Still, this season is definitely on the right track, and I'm excited to see what happens next week (I think I saw Bill riding on Eric's back again in the preview clip).

True Blood Recap: Dammit, Eric!

First of all, sorry! I've been dealing with some personal things, which are now back under control, and extra hours at work, so blogging was the furthest thing from my mind. But now I'm back!

Before we get into this week's fun, a quicky recap of last week: Sookie and Alcide were going to get busy, but then Sookie puked on Alcide's shoes. (Dammit, Sookie! He was taking his pants off and everything.) Bill and Eric ask for their help finding Russell, they go to a scary house with Alcide's employee and find Russell and a werewolf attacks Alcide from behind. Terry's war buddy gets killed by a fire demon they unleashed when they slaughtered people in Iraq. Jason obsesses over the news that his parents were killed by vampires. Lafayette and his mother sees Jesus' head, with the mouth stitched up. Jessica and Tara bond over being vampires, then fight when Jessica discovers Tara sucking Hoyt's blood. Sam goes to warn Luna about their shifter friends getting shot and both of them get shot by guys in masks.

OK, so this week ... I am really pissed off at Eric. One of the big things I really want to happen this season is for Sookie and Alcide to get together. Contrary to what you're probably thinking, it's not just because I would like to see Joe Manganiello naked (although I would not complain). It's also because Alcide needs to blow off some steam by having sex, and Sookie needs to have sex with a non-vampire. However, that's not going to happen, at least not right now, because Eric screwed things all up on that front.

OK, so Sookie, Alcide, Bill and Eric are at the house where Russell was recovering by feeding on humans, with the help of werewolves. As they're fighting, the Authority shows up to recover Russell and bring Bill and Eric back to headquarters ... but first, Bill and Eric have to glamour Sookie and Alcide. Bill doesn't really glamour Sookie (or she can't be glamoured because she's part fairy, or something), but Eric does glamour Alcide (but not before he heals one of his wounds in a surprisingly sexy way ... if I weren't so pissed at Eric I might 'ship the two of them!), telling him to forget where they are and everything that happened. He also tells him to protect Sookie with his life (THAT BETTER NOT BE FORESHADOWING!) and lose interest in Sookie to the point that she kind of repulses him. WHAT THE HELL, ERIC!? What an asshole move. Grr.

Sookie and Alcide go home, leading to a scene where Alcide wakes up covered under a ruffly pink comforter (hee!). Sookie helps him get back some of his memories of the night before, but he recoils at her touch. (Sookie immediately knows it's Eric's doing.)

BTW, The Authority rounds up and kills the humans that Russell was going to eat, which goes to prove what we already knew - the Authority is bad news.

Jason tells Sookie about their parents and about the fairy nightclub and Hadley being there, and they go together. Sookie questions Hadley and their newfound fairy cousin, Claude (YAY! CLAUDE!), and find out that their parents were killed by a vampire enticed by a bandaid with Sookie's blood on it in their car. Sookie tries to use her fairy magic and gets fairy magicized herself. TO BE CONTINUED! Gotta say, I love the fairy stuff, and not just because I love how they dance in their crazy fairy nightclub. I suspect most of the stuff going on this season is going to connect to this fairy story arch.

Tara and Jessica fight, and Pam breaks it up but tells Tara she's proud of her. Of course, she tempers her enthusiasm by telling Tara she's proud like a human is proud of a well-trained dog, but still. Jessica implores Hoyt not to continue his fangbanging ways, but he continues until a vampire who is sucking his neck in an alley gets shot by the same guys in masks that shot Sam and Luna.

Sam and Luna are in the hospital, worrying about Emma until Marcus' mother brings Emma to visit Luna. Emma, as a puppy, ran to granny's house when Sam and Luna got shot. Just gotta say, she's an ADORABLE werewolf puppy. Luna agrees to let Marcus' mom be part of Emma's life. Sam convinces Andy to let him help find the people who are killing supes, and when they go to the local anti-vampire store, Sam saves Andy when the desk clerk is about to kill Andy. Ahh, friendship and vigilante justice.

Terry breaks up with Arlene because of the fire monster.

Alcide challenges J.D. as packmaster, since J.D. was helping Russell and drinking vampire blood in return. His second is a sassy, hot woman. They are going to fight, eventually, and I wonder if Alcide and the sassy, hot woman are going to have sex eventually too. Hmm.

Lafayette visits his mother, because they both saw Jesus' head. Lafayette's mom is a great little side character. You can see why Lafayette acts the way he acts. Anyway, he's going to go confront Jesus' brujo grandfather.

Bill and Eric go back to the Authority headquarters, where they are hailed as heroes for capturing Russell, who is still, by the way, absolutely batshit crazy. Bill is really working the religious angle - to save his ass, he tells Eric. Eric is a bit more smartassy, but they still both get their iStakes taken off. They talk to Roman, who they are quickly discovering is just as crazy as Russell and the Sanguinistas, and just as fervent in his beliefs, and find out that Roman is planning to stake Russell rather than allow Salome to keep torturing him for information. Eric visits Nora, who is also quite fervent in her beliefs.

So, they're going to stake Russell, and I'm thinking, "No!" because we haven't gotten ANY super fun Russell craziness. I figured that Salome or Nora or somebody would sweep in and rescue him, but instead, Russell springs into action and stakes Roman! First thought: "OMG! AWESOME!" Second thought: "NO! Christopher Meloni!"

TO BE CONTINUED ...

I'm looking forward to the next episode, personally, because it looks like Russell is going to FINALLY be back to his old tricks. And who doesn't love Russell when he's at his strongest and most insane?

"True Blood" Recap: Finally!

After a crazy first episode of "True Blood" this season, we've had a couple of slow episodes.

This week, it started out that way ... but it didn't end up that way! This week, we finally got some payoff to all of the buildup that's been going on.

First and foremost, Sookie and Alcide made out! You have no idea how happy that made me. I was watching with my friend, Kat, who was in town for a visit, and we actually started to high-five each other.

Poor Sookie deserved some lovin' this week. People in Bon Temps are super pissed that Sookie got poor Tara turned into a vampire, and Lafayette is extra-uber-super pissed that Sookie told Alcide that she killed Debbie. This is a very, very bad thing, since Lafayette still has a nasty brujo demon inside him. The demon broke Sookie's car, so she crashed on her way home from Merlotte's. Thankfully, she bailed at the last moment and walked home to the comfort of her well-stocked liquor cabinet.

After hearing Sookie's confession in last week's episode, Alcide goes to visit Debbie Pelt's parents and tells them that Debbie is dead. However, he tells them that Marcus, the conveniently dead former packmaster, killed her, and that's why he killed Marcus. He cries that he really did love Debbie and he's sorry she's dead, then goes on his merry way ... over to Sookie's house! He tells a tipsy Sookie that he covered for her and the Pelts are satisfied, and soon they're making out! *squeal* Let's hope things go further next week ... even though I got to see a lot of Joe "Big Dick Richie" Manganiello in "Magic Mike" over the weekend, I could always use another eyeful! Also, Alcide really needs to get some ... he's so uptight! Some of Sookie's precious fairy vagina (thank you for that one, Pam!) could be just what he needs. And I'm pretty sure Sookie wouldn't complain about some sexy werewolf lovin' neither ...

Eric and Bill, by the way, get an eyeful of Alcide and Sookie - they're back in town to try to figure out who spilled the beans on Russell and get Sookie's fairy powers to help them find him - leading to an epically wonderful exchange:

Eric: Awkward time for a drop in, Bill.

Bill: Jessica mentioned Sookie had been having a rough go of it.

Eric: She seems to be recovering nicely.

Eric and Bill, I love you guys. More of their wacky misadventures, please!

Anyway ... the Debbie Pelt storyline seems to be concluding. In the same fit of honesty that made her tell Alcide about the dearly departed Debbie, Sookie also tried to turn herself into Jason who, of course, refused to arrest his little sister. Lucky for Sookie, Jessica was around the corner and heard the whole thing. She decided to take the initiative to glamour Sheriff Andy into forgetting about the whole Debbie thing.

Speaking of Sheriff Andy, his fairy tryst is paying off! The town judge, whose son Andy saved from a speeding ticket, invites Andy and Jason to his favorite spot in town, which isn't really in town - it's a strip club in the fairy realm! The judge and Andy go off to have a good time, and Jason sees his cousin Hadley, who assumes Jason is a refugee. Fairies are escaping the human world because, she says, vampires are going to eat them all eventually ... like they did to his parents. Cue Jason's Patented Dumbface (Oh, Ryan Kwanten, you are SO good at looking adorably stupid!). Hadley has to leave and go serve drinks, Jason and Andy have a fight with the fairy bouncers and soon they're back out on their asses in the middle of a field, about to get zapped by fairies. To be continued!

Speaking of vampires and family drama, we got heaps of both this week with Eric, Pam and Tara. Pam saved Tara from becoming a crispy critter in the tanning bed, much to Tara's chagrin, but Tara reluctantly follows Mama Pam back to Fangtasia, where Eric (Tara's vampire grandaddy!) confronted Pam over Russell Edgington's escape. While Bill and Tara had a heart-to-heart - mostly revealing Tara's annoyance at taking a bullet for Sookie and becoming a vampire - Pam told Eric she would die a thousand deaths rather than betray him.

The next night, Eric releases Pam from having to follow his commands as her maker, in order to keep her safe from the Authority and make sure his legacy lives on through Pam and Tara, and Pam gets Tara to drink from a human, despite Tara's reluctance to see them as food. Pam tells her that humans can't hurt her anymore, which is what Tara needs to hear. I think this will be empowering for her. However, I can't help but wonder if Tara, who has been kicked around by humans all her life, just might go a little Sanguinista on everyone's asses and endanger Grandpappy Eric and Mama Pam even more. I mean, Pam tells her: "This is who you are now. Top of the chain. No human can hurt you any longer. They’re yours to savor." Eeek. I'm pretty sure Roman has staked vampires for less than that.

We at least now know Roman will stake a Sanguinista if he needs to - as if we had any doubt! Roman tries to get information out of Nora about who is really leading the Sanguinista movement - he doesn't think she's a leader - and finally threatens the lives of Bill and Eric in order to get the info out of her. It turns out, it was the creepy kid vampire, Alexander Drew, who had sent out a video of himself draining a human to Sanguinista sympathizers. He tries to tell Roman that he was trying to infiltrate them, but before he's done talking, he's already a little pile of stringy blood 'n' guts. The other Chancellors, and the viewers, got the message - do not fuck with Roman.

There were a couple of other little subplots rolling along in there, too, that don't have the big payoffs yet. Sam's old shifter friends, minus Luna, invite him to run with them, but when he gets there, they're dead - shot through the head. Doesn't seem like vampires, fairies or werewolves would just shoot somebody, does it? Could we have some anti-shifter sentiment in town (that's a big plot in the books), or is someone supernatural trying to cover their tracks? And Terry and his war buddy, Patrick, go on the road to South Dakota to find their old war buddy Eller. Terry has a flashback to the Fourth of July when there was big shootout in Iraq and a whole family was killed. When Terry & Patrick get to Eller's bunker, he pulls a gun on them. Where are they going with this one?

The first half or 2/3 of this episode of "True Blood" was still a little slow, but the excitement at the end really made up for it. I'm thrilled to see where this season is going ... finally!

Reviewlet: "Secrets of a Summer Night"

At Kel's urging, I finally picked up a Lisa Kleypas romance novel! I decided to read "Secrets of a Summer Night," the first in the Wallflowers series, mainly because it's what was at the library at the time. But I'm glad I picked it up because it was quite a delightful little book!

"Secrets of a Summer Night" follows Annabelle Payton, a beautiful, aristocratic young woman during the Victorian era who, unfortunately, has no dowery and, therefore, is pretty much destined to spinsterhood. But Annabelle is determined to avoid that fate, and to save her destitute family - her mother and brother. Annabelle and her three other wallflower friends - Evie, Daisy and Lillian - hatch a plan to get her married off to a member of the aristocracy.

However, as fate would have it, Annabelle can't help falling for exactly the wrong man - Simon Hunt, an industrialist from a firmly middle-class family.

I really enjoyed "Secrets of a Summer Night." The story was good, and I loved the way that the plot unfolded. There was a real sense of urgency in Annabelle's situation, and that helped the book clip along at a really good pace. Annabelle is a very likable character, even when I had to roll my eyes at her for constantly rejecting Simon in favor of boring old aristocrats. It really speaks to Kleypas' good writing that I always understood Annabelle's motivations, even when I vehemently disagreed with what she did. I also absolutely LOVED Simon, who was a very well-fleshed-out and interesting character. He comes across as a haughty rogue in the beginning of the book, but throughout we get to see his tender side, his passionate side, his caring side, his wounded side, his ornery side, and on and on.

"Secrets of a Summer Night" is also a very sexy, sensual book. There is a LOT of delicious sexual tension between Annabelle and Simon, and although it takes a long time for a real payoff, it doesn't matter because the buildup is so much fun! Oh, but when it pays off, it PAYS OFF. Good stuff - just what I want from a romance novel.

"Secrets of a Summer Night" was an easy, breezy, fun summer read that I really enjoyed. I'm already looking forward to reading the other three books in the series, which is always a good sign! I strongly encourage anyone who likes romance to check it out!

Review: "50 Shades of Grey"

I finally did it - I joined the ranks of millions of women who have read "50 Shades of Grey" by E L James.

(Image from Wikipedia)

I have to say, despite a myriad of problems, I enjoyed the book. As Kel said when I was describing it, it was like those off-brand M&Ms in trail mix - it really isn't that great, but it's chocolate, so it's still tasty and you still want to keep eating them. Not only did I keep turning the page, I am planning to read the other two books in the trilogy.

The book follows Anastasia Steele, a recent college graduate, and her relationship with multimillionaire CEO Christian Grey. But Christian is, by his own admission, 50 shades of fucked up. He has commitment issues and a love of controlling people, and that is played out in his enjoyment of BDSM. He is a dominant, and he wants Anastasia to be his new submissive. However, Christian's relationship with Ana is different from all of his others - he does things way outside of his sphere, like have normal sex with her and introduce her to his parents. Ana, meanwhile, falls hard for Christian, despite the fact she knows that she's probably going to get hurt - both physically, because of his love of spanking, paddling and tying her up, and emotionally, because he's distant and emotionally scarred.

Christian Grey is an interesting character, and I'll admit that part of the reason I want to read the other two books is because I want to know more about him. He's a character with a background that plays out in interesting ways in his life - not only in his sex life, but also in his career, his relationship with his family, and the way he reacts to Anastasia when they're not having sex. It is sort of annoying that he is obscenely rich and incredibly gorgeous, though.

Unfortunately, Anastasia is much less interesting to me. She's kind of boring and she is comically naive. My favorite is her reaction when she wakes up from a sex dream about Christian (page 231):

What the hell just happened? I'm in my bedroom alone. How? Why? I sit bold upright shocked ... wow. It's morning. I glance at my alarm clock - eight o'clock. I put my head in my hands. I didn't know I could dream sex. Was it something I ate? Perhaps the oysters and my Internet research manifesting itself in my first wet dream. It's bewildering. I had no idea that I could orgasm in my sleep.

OK, I could understand her never having actually had a sex dream, since she was an innocent virgin before she met Christian. But she didn't even know it was possible!? I admit, I laughed out loud. That's sort of Ana in a nutshell - epically innocent to the point of being obtuse. At times, I just had to shake my head.

Also, I get tired of Ana talking about how ugly she is. I can understand being a little shy about your body or your looks, especially when you're dating somebody impossibly gorgeous, but I get tired of hearing about it.

I have gone back and forth about whether I like the whole BDSM aspect of the novels. I'm definitely not really into that scene, in the sense that being dominated doesn't trip my trigger, and since the novel is from Ana's perspective, the descriptions of being spanked, hit, paddled, tied up, etc., don't strike me as particularly erotic. However, I like the way it's handled, and, objectively, if you're into being a submissive woman in the bedroom, "50 Shades of Grey" is probably one of the best ways to read about that - better than some romance novels that use rape in an attempt to get that same feel. It's much better that the woman has agreed to everything happening to her and has ways to get out of it if she's not into it anymore. Progress!

Really, the whole BDSM, dominant/submissive relationship between Christian and Ana is even more interesting when you know that the novels started out as "Twilight" fanfiction. I am intrigued by the idea of Bella actually verbally and contractually agreeing to be submissive to Edward, as opposed to him simply doing it and her acting like it is normal. In some ways, I think the relationship in "50 Shades of Grey," as screwed up as it is, is more healthy for impressionable people to read than "Twilight" because at least the weird power dynamic is discussed, sometimes in excruciating detail. Of course, we'll see where the other two novels go, because I'm interested to see whether we get into a storyline about Ana "fixing" Christian through the power of her love for him, which can be a bad idea in a real relationship.

Overall, the sex scenes are well-written enough and diverse enough that there's really something for most peoples' tastes here. Yes, there are several BDSM scenes, but there are other sex scenes, too, that are more traditional. I was actually pleasantly surprised by the diversity, because the rest of the book doesn't really do that. I think James spend so much time writing diverse sex scenes, she didn't really spend the time she needed to make the rest of the book good. She uses the same clunky turns of phrase throughout the book. It's easy to do - I've written enough fiction to know how easy it is to make your character wink or smirk 700,000 times - but editing should have fixed some of those problems. Of course, "50 Shades of Grey" was originally self-published, but it would have been good for James to have had somebody else read over it before she released it, because it is in need of some work.

So, is "50 Shades of Grey" really the shockingly sexy "mommy porn" that breathless news reports have made it out to be. Well, I'm not a huge reader of romance novels, but "50 Shades" didn't particularly shock me. There were quite a few sex scenes, and there were a couple of times when I found myself thinking, "Really? Again?" because they had literally just finished having sex. But "50 Shades" is not porn. I am not even sure it is erotica, because I am not sure where the line between romance and erotica is. Number of sex scenes? Number of descriptive words? Number of sex positions?

What I really think happened was that people who hadn't read romance in a while read "50 Shades of Grey" and were shocked by how much more descriptive it was than romance novels from the '80s and early '90s. People I know who read modern romance novels haven't been shocked by the descriptions of sex in the book, so I figure it must be sort of generational.

The graphic descriptions, plus the fact that the book describes something more than vanilla sex and it's connected to the marketing juggernaut that is "Twilight," makes it different and notable enough to spark interest and cause concern. It's all a bunch of needless hype, really, but, hey, it's also a damn fun read.

"True Blood" Recap: When Eric Met Bill

I have to admit that, amid all the plotlines on "True Blood" this season (and there are many), my favorite, favorite, favorite scenes are the ones with Bill and Eric. They crack me up.

What I liked especially this week, though, was a scene with Bill and Eric that wasn't part of their current Authority plot. Rather, it was in one of Pam's dreams, during which she keeps revealing the story of how Eric turned her into a vampire.

The year was 1905, and brothel-owner Pam has been having trouble with vampires draining her girls. In strolls the dashing Eric, who, despite having his pick of the "merchandise," wants Pam. She agrees, but only if Eric rids her brothel of the vampires menace. Eric bursts in on Bill and his maker, Lorena, draining yet another girl, and chides her for not controlling her progeny.

Of course, this leads into Pam's plotline with biting and abandoning her new baby vampire, Tara, but we'll get to that in a minute. Let's just revel in the fact that we got to see the moment that Eric and Bill met. For some reason, that just made me giggle. Look how far they've come!

So, Pam is still basically ignoring Tara, although she continues to dream about getting turned by Eric. After they have sex (offscreen), Pam asks Eric to turn her. Eric tells her he won't, because it's a lot of responsibility, being a maker - the bond is eternal. Eric gets ready to leave, and when he looks up at Pam, she's slit her wrists and tells him to turn her or watch her die. We know how this is going to turn out ...

Tara: Tara, meanwhile, is not doing well as a vampire. She ran away from Sookie and Lafayette at the end of the last episode. She nearly eats a girl who is changing her tire, but stops at the last minute and runs to Merlotte's instead. Sam gives her bottle after bottle of TruBlood and stashes her in the walk-in for the morning. He is, naturally, mad at Sookie and Lafayette for turning her. Personally, I'm ready for Pam to seek out her baby vampire and teach her how to kick some major ass. Oh, and at the end of the episode, Tara tries to kill herself in a tanning booth. Nooo! Tara!

Pam: When she's not dreaming about Eric, Pam is moping over Eric and running Fangtasia. Sookie shows up and begs her to help Tara, but she refuses, so Sookie zaps her with her fairy magic. Oh, and Pam can feel Tara killing herself! Save her!

The Pelts: Debbie Pelt's parents are looking for their daughter. First, they go to Andy, who interrogates Sookie and gets absolutely no information, then they go to Alcide. He confronts Sookie, and she tells him the story. I do like that Sookie doesn't really feel a lot of remorse, even though she probably should, because Debbie was absolutely batshit. Also, Lafayette is super freaked about them looking for Debbie, since he was an accomplice. Anyway, Alcide is mainly just pissed that Sookie didn't tell him what happened. C'mon, Sookie - find comfort in Alcide's big, manly arms!

Jason: Jason, Jason, Jason. What will we do with you? Still confused by his relationship with Jessica, he runs into Miss Steeler, a teacher with whom he had an inappropriate relationship. After she apologizes for their relationship and Jason hears about her life - divorced and living with a cat named Prince Charming - they have sex (again, offscreen). Then, he realizes that it was a mistake, their relationship really was inappropriate, his relationships are always toxic ... and he mopes some more.

Jessica: While trying on clothes, Jessica smells somebody epically tasty, who immediately runs. It's a male, presumably a fairy. Is this Claude, Sookie's cousin from the books? IMDB says it is!!!! (I LOVE Claude!) Anyway, she tries to find him, but he's gone (off to the fae world?) ... so she goes to Jason's house to use him as her own personal bucking bronco. But Jason isn't having it ... he's not happy with their fuck-buddy relationship. He tells Jessica he can't be friends with a woman because he doesn't know how, and she offers to put on a pair of his sweats, grab a beer and talk like friends.

Andy, Lafayette, Terry, etc.: Sheriff Andy didn't do much this week, but there was a pretty great little subplot about a picture of his naked ass showing up on Facebook, thanks to Holly's ornery boys. He also asked Holly to go steady, and she said, "Yes!" D'aww! Lafayette dumps bleach into some gumbo, then looks in the mirror and sees the brujo's face and dumps it out. Terry and his war buddy are going to go find their other war buddy, much to Arlene's chagrin. 

Bill and Eric and the Authority: I'm saving the best for last ... the Authority! Roman and the chancellors try to figure out what to do about Russell Edgington not being dead - specifically, how that's going to affect their public relations. So, they bring in their new Nan Flanagan ... none other than Steve Newlin!!!! He tells Roman, basically, it's all good - he can handle it.

Bill and Eric, meanwhile, are firmly in the grips of the Authority. They are fitted with iStakes, ingenious little harnesses that keep a stake right on their heart, which can poke into their hearts at a moment's notice. ("There's an app for that," the tech tells them.) It also tracks their every movement.

Another Authority member, Salome, tries to determine that Bill and Eric are trustworthy by having sex with them - first Bill, then Eric. Again, other than a few fully clothed thrusts, most of the fun was offscreen, which, WTF, "True Blood?" I demand more naked!

What was really fantastic was when they both realized they'd slept with the same woman. Bill's line was classic: "You know what they say about gentlemen ... they don't brag about sloppy seconds." They shared a little laugh and smirk about the whole thing, which I loved. I didn't think I was going to like the boys without Sookie around, but I really, really do.

Anyway, we also find out that Salome vouched for Nora, who admits to being a Sanguinista (vampire supremacist/fundamentalist), so naturally she's worried, and she and Roman talk about whether Bill and Eric are trustworthy as Roman and Salome get ready for some nookie. We FINALLY get Christopher Meloni's shirt off - score! - but again with the cutaway before sex. I expect a good scene next week, writers, preferably featuring Joe Manganiello, although Alexander Skarsgaard would be acceptable.

Verdict: I would watch a show with just Eric and Bill. They are the best part of the show! I'm really hoping that next week they get to go hunting for Russell Edgington. Pretty much the entire show, Bill and Eric have had an antagonistic relationship, but I love seeing them working together. Stephen Moyer and Alexander Skarsgaard have great chemistry onscreen, and I love their scenes together!

After the very exciting first week, we've had a couple of slightly down weeks. It makes sense, because there's a lot to set up, but I'm ready for some payoffs to start - finding Russell, Pam and Tara bonding over being badass chicks, Alcide not wearing clothes, etc. There's also a lot of plotlines, and now we've apparently added another one with Claude showing up. Maybe he was just a way to get Jessica horny enough to go to Jason's, but if he is indeed going to be in this season, then we are possibly "biting off more than we can chew" (heh, bite). I'm hoping next week is going to amp up the action and the drama and the sex so we can get off and running with the season!