Everyone who has read Twilight picked Team Edward or Team Jacob. Everyone who has read Stephanie Plum picked Team Morelli or Team Ranger. Love triangles have a way of dividing people. So as a fun study, I'm going to go through my favorite fictional love trianlges and let you know who I pick and why. I'm guessing we'll see a pattern!
Since it is fresh on my mind, first up is Stephanie Plum: Team Morelli vs. Team Ranger. This one is actually kind of hard because I genuinely like both guys. They both have positives and negatives, but I am solidly pro-Ranger. Morelli has a tendency to try to make Stephanie into his housewife, but that is really never going to be her. She is a peanut butter and olive sandwich over the sink girl rather than a big meal at the table girl. Morelli also hates her jobs and wants her to quit. He definitely backs off on that one, but the point still stands. Ranger just lets Stephanie be herself, though he has a vaguely annoying habit of constantly tracking her cars/sending his men to save her. Which would be more annoying if it weren't so helpful. A big clincher in the battle between the men is that Morelli threw away Stephanie's peanut butter because it got cross contaminated (which caused them to break up). Ranger doesn't eat peanut butter but left the jar that Stephanie had at his apartment even when she wasn't staying there. Though I don't think Morelli is a bad choice, I think that Ranger is a better choice.
For the biggest debate in the history of tween girls: Team Edward or Team Jacob. If you know me at all, you would know that I would be Team Jacob. Edward is a stalker and controller. Jacob lets Bella smash her head open on a motorcycle and then takes her to the hospital. I would never want someone to try to stop me from doing what I want to do, so the guy who would let me hurt myself and would then help me fix it wins in my book. Enough said.
Torchwood has approximately 87 different combinations of hookups that could happen, but the one that I want to love triangle about is with Gwen: Team Rhys or Team Owen/Team Jack. This is a hard one because Gwen and Jack obviously love each other and really are rather perfect for each other. But I just can't see it every happening, so I'm going to go on to Team Rhys vs. Team Owen, with the knowledge that my actual choice is Team Jack. Rhys is Gwen's long suffering boyfriend; Owen is Gwen's cranky coworker. I was rooting for a Gwen/Owen hookup from the beginning, especially when Rhys gets all pissy about Gwen's job. But when it comes down to it, I am Team Rhys for changing and accepting Gwen's crazy life and being a really great support system for her.
For a less conventional love triangle, I am going to the Hannah Swensen mysteries by Joanne Fluke: Team Norman vs. Team Mike. Mike is the hot cop that turns Hannah's insides to mush. Norman is the steady dentist that just makes Hannah happy. I think Mike is the wrong choice, but I'm not so sure about Norman either. Mike never wants Hannah to investigate and tries to change her a bit. Norman helps Hannah with whatever she needs. Mike is a bit too hard-edged; Norman is too nice. I am Team Ross who appears in two books, was friends with Hannah in college, and generally just likes her and lets her be herself. He is perfect!
And now for everyone's favorite vampire porn: True Blood. Team Bill vs. Team Eric vs. Team Sam. I have different opinions on the show vs. the books. In the show, I am Team Eric. He is a total bastard, but so is Bill. And Bill tries to control Sookie more than Eric does. However, if Sookie ends up with Bill, I'm not going to be upset. The most exciting battle is in the books. I am solidly Team Sam! He never tries to control Sookie, nor force her into anything. He is just solidly her friend throughout everything. He is there for her when she needs him and doesn't trick her or fight or anything. He is just a nice guy and a great friend and really, she should end up with Sam.
I would do a Buffy love triangle mess, but really, she had no good choices. I hated Angel, Spike was obviously a terrible choice both pre- and post-soul, Riley was annoying (though less so upon second viewing), Xander was too into girls in general. My favorite character was Spike, but no way would I want Buffy with him forever (not to mention, he died at the end of the series).
Do you agree with my picks for the love triangles? Any love triangles that I missed? Anyone pick out my trend for picking guys?
Monday, February 20, 2012
Saturday, February 18, 2012
What Makes a Great Heroine
I read a lot of books, mostly romance, chick lit, and mystery, but I have very specific standards for really enjoying a book. And a lot of that comes down to the heroine of the story. My standards are pretty much the same for tv shows and movies, but it seems more apparent in books.
What makes a good heroine:
1) She is smart. Smart can mean a few different things, but in a great book smart means that the girl has a plethora of common sense or knowledge or street smarts or some combination. Take Stephanie Plum for instance...she isn't particularly smart, though she has a college degree and she lacks some basic common sense sometimes, but she has tons of street smarts and really uses solid logic when she gets into truly terrifying situations.
2) She is sassy. Sassy, feisty, fiery, sarcastic, throws herself at situations. I like a character to be willing to talk back to the hot guy and not let the rich duke get away with being a jackass. Someone like Heather Wells is a great heroine because she doesn't really think about the consequences of running into a room where she thinks a murderer is. Even if someone (a police chief, a hot roommate/PI) tells her to definitely wait until someone else gets there, she still goes in. I love it! Stephanie Plum is also really a great example of doing the exact opposite of what anyone tells her to do. And arguing about why the guy is stupid to tell her not to do something afterwards. I highly relate!
3) She is funny. As with the smart qualification, funny can be a variety of things. Jennifer Crusie's heroines are always really funny, though not necessarily funny on purpose. The narration is just always amusing and the woman is sarcastic and fun. Really, you can't go wrong with a good dose of sarcasm!
4) She perseveres through all kinds of hell. I just finished reading Sugar Daddy by Lisa Kleypas and the main character, Liberty Jones, had a really shitty life for a long time. She had every right to whine about it or turn to other people, but she didn't. She held her own. And yes, she got some help along the way (sometimes without her knowledge), but the biggest thing was that she never once gave up. I like all my heroines to overcome the odds. Whether it is trying to get someone to believe the random death was murder, trying to outwit a contract killer, trying to keep a family together, whatever, I want my heroine to be a fighter.
5) Good taste in friends and men. This has a lot to do with the "she is smart" category, but there is nothing I hate more than a heroine who likes the guy that is a total jackass. For how much I enjoy Lisa Kleypas, Tempt Me at Twilight frustrated me the entire time because the guy was such a jerk. And while it is not unusual in romance novels for hate to turn to love, I just did not understand why the heroine started loving the guy. It really turned me off for most of the book, though I did finally come around at the end when the guy stopped being such an ass. But seriously, I had issues with the girl because, damn!
Favorite Heroines:
1) Heather Wells: former teen pop star turned admin at a college dorm, solves crime usually by putting herself in danger, crushes on Cooper Cartwright who is the best guy of any book ever (I am in love with Coop)
2) Stephanie Plum: not quite half-way decent bounty hunter who has more luck than skill, usually ends up having to solve some bigger mystery while maintaining a cop boyfriend, Morelli, who hates her job, also loves Ranger who is her coworker/mentor/employer/sometimes (but not nearly often enough) lover
3) Amelia Hathaway: oldest girl of the Hathaway family, tries to keep her family together, tries to survive in society when they grew up middle class, falls in love with the definitely outside of society Rom Gypsy, Cam (who I am also in love with)
4) Finley Anderson Tanner: law clerk who somehow always manages to have to solve a murder, spends almost beyond her means but still manages to mostly pay her bills, forever disappoints her strict and snooty mother, really wants Liam McGarrity even though he is a bad boy, though in the best way possible
5) Katniss Everdine: has to fight for her life in a game of kill or be killed, becomes an accidental and somewhat reluctant leader of a revolution, has a love triangle with no right choice (even though she does end up with one of the guys)
What makes a good heroine:
1) She is smart. Smart can mean a few different things, but in a great book smart means that the girl has a plethora of common sense or knowledge or street smarts or some combination. Take Stephanie Plum for instance...she isn't particularly smart, though she has a college degree and she lacks some basic common sense sometimes, but she has tons of street smarts and really uses solid logic when she gets into truly terrifying situations.
2) She is sassy. Sassy, feisty, fiery, sarcastic, throws herself at situations. I like a character to be willing to talk back to the hot guy and not let the rich duke get away with being a jackass. Someone like Heather Wells is a great heroine because she doesn't really think about the consequences of running into a room where she thinks a murderer is. Even if someone (a police chief, a hot roommate/PI) tells her to definitely wait until someone else gets there, she still goes in. I love it! Stephanie Plum is also really a great example of doing the exact opposite of what anyone tells her to do. And arguing about why the guy is stupid to tell her not to do something afterwards. I highly relate!
3) She is funny. As with the smart qualification, funny can be a variety of things. Jennifer Crusie's heroines are always really funny, though not necessarily funny on purpose. The narration is just always amusing and the woman is sarcastic and fun. Really, you can't go wrong with a good dose of sarcasm!
4) She perseveres through all kinds of hell. I just finished reading Sugar Daddy by Lisa Kleypas and the main character, Liberty Jones, had a really shitty life for a long time. She had every right to whine about it or turn to other people, but she didn't. She held her own. And yes, she got some help along the way (sometimes without her knowledge), but the biggest thing was that she never once gave up. I like all my heroines to overcome the odds. Whether it is trying to get someone to believe the random death was murder, trying to outwit a contract killer, trying to keep a family together, whatever, I want my heroine to be a fighter.
5) Good taste in friends and men. This has a lot to do with the "she is smart" category, but there is nothing I hate more than a heroine who likes the guy that is a total jackass. For how much I enjoy Lisa Kleypas, Tempt Me at Twilight frustrated me the entire time because the guy was such a jerk. And while it is not unusual in romance novels for hate to turn to love, I just did not understand why the heroine started loving the guy. It really turned me off for most of the book, though I did finally come around at the end when the guy stopped being such an ass. But seriously, I had issues with the girl because, damn!
Favorite Heroines:
1) Heather Wells: former teen pop star turned admin at a college dorm, solves crime usually by putting herself in danger, crushes on Cooper Cartwright who is the best guy of any book ever (I am in love with Coop)
2) Stephanie Plum: not quite half-way decent bounty hunter who has more luck than skill, usually ends up having to solve some bigger mystery while maintaining a cop boyfriend, Morelli, who hates her job, also loves Ranger who is her coworker/mentor/employer/sometimes (but not nearly often enough) lover
3) Amelia Hathaway: oldest girl of the Hathaway family, tries to keep her family together, tries to survive in society when they grew up middle class, falls in love with the definitely outside of society Rom Gypsy, Cam (who I am also in love with)
4) Finley Anderson Tanner: law clerk who somehow always manages to have to solve a murder, spends almost beyond her means but still manages to mostly pay her bills, forever disappoints her strict and snooty mother, really wants Liam McGarrity even though he is a bad boy, though in the best way possible
5) Katniss Everdine: has to fight for her life in a game of kill or be killed, becomes an accidental and somewhat reluctant leader of a revolution, has a love triangle with no right choice (even though she does end up with one of the guys)
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentines Fun Facts
So, these fun facts blogs have been lax lately, huh. I would give some great excuse, but mostly it comes down to me choosing to read instead of write. Also, it is hard to come up with interesting fun facts all the time. However, since this is a holiday, you will get a dose of fun facts!
Valentine's Day was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD
Valentine's Day is a celebration of Saint Valentine, the name of 14 saints martyred in ancient Rome
Due to confusion about if the February 14th feast date was to celebrate one of more St. Valentines, the Catholic calendar of saints removed the festival from its calendar in 1969
Valentine's Day became associated with love in the High Middle Ages, around the 11, 12, and 13th century
It is only in the past few hundred years that Cupid has been associated with Valentine's Day.
In Roman mythology, Cupid is the son of Venus and is the god of desire, affection and erotic love
In Greek mythology, Cupid is Eros and appears as a slender youth with wings
The chubby boy with a bow and arrow evolved during the Hellenistic period, between 323 and 146 BC
Valentine's Day was established by Pope Gelasius I in 496 AD
Valentine's Day is a celebration of Saint Valentine, the name of 14 saints martyred in ancient Rome
Due to confusion about if the February 14th feast date was to celebrate one of more St. Valentines, the Catholic calendar of saints removed the festival from its calendar in 1969
Valentine's Day became associated with love in the High Middle Ages, around the 11, 12, and 13th century
It is only in the past few hundred years that Cupid has been associated with Valentine's Day.
In Roman mythology, Cupid is the son of Venus and is the god of desire, affection and erotic love
In Greek mythology, Cupid is Eros and appears as a slender youth with wings
The chubby boy with a bow and arrow evolved during the Hellenistic period, between 323 and 146 BC
'Trashelor' Recap: "Do You 'Belize' In Love?"
Why, yes, Ben did use the punny question in the title of this post while he and the ladies women spent the week in Belize. *shudder*
Anyway ... there are six women left or, according to Emily, herself, four other girls and a shark. (The shark would be Courtney.) Chris informed them that there would be three one-on-one dates with no roses up for grabs and a group date with a rose up for grabs. The girl who gets the group date rose would be guaranteed for a hometown date!
Date No. 1: Lindzi. Ben and Lindzi went on a helicopter ride to the Blue Hole. It sounds really dirty, but actually, the Blue Hole is a hole in the ocean that goes 500 feet down. It's surrounded by a coral reef. But, of course, since this is "The Bachelor," they had to jump out of the helicopter. Naturally, Lindzi is afraid of heights, because Ben and/or the producers are assholes that like to terrify the contestants, but she ends up jumping out. They swim around for a while, then go off to eat dinner in the moonlight. But Lindzi can't take her eyes off Ben! *sigh* Romantic!
However, Lindzi tells Ben that she is fighting with the fact that he has 5 other girlfriends. I'm sure she's SO surprised, because it's not like this happens EVERY SINGLE SEASON of this show. But she also tells Ben she's falling for him and thinks he's her Prince Charming. So, naturally, they write a little fairy tale that Ben says ends with an "eternal promise." No, not THAT eternal promise, the one that they're competing for on a televised dating game show. It's an eternal promise to be open and honest with each other.
Then they kiss because, hello! It's Ben!
Date No. 2: Emily. Ben puts Emily on a plane and has her meet him at Caye Caulker. They bike around Belize, sightseeing, and even drinking out of coconuts. How quaint! "I feel like I'm vacation with my boyfriend!" Emily gushes. "If only my boyfriend didn't have five other girlfriends, it would be a perfect day."
They go diving for lobsters for dinner, because they're SUPER SPONTANEOUS Y'ALL! And then they dance and kiss. Courtney, meanwhile, is back at the house talking shit about Emily because she disrespected her. She's "uncomfortable" that he's with Emily.
Emily says she's ready to take the next step with Ben, though she worries that her dust-up with Courtney screwed up their flow. Still, they kiss. Unsurprising.
Date No. 3: Courtney. When the date card arrives, Nikki immediately wants to spring across the room and punch her in the face.
Courtney says she's worried about whether their relationship is going anywhere, but Ben feels a strong connection. They talk as they walk through the jungle, and she frets that their spark might be gone. They "stumble across" a Mayan Temple, and they talk more about their relationship. Maybe the Mayans forsaw this and that's why they made their calendar to have the world end in 2012, except they miscalculated by about 11 months. Darn it, Mayans!
Ben says he's starting to fall for Courtney, and if she doesn't feel the same way, he'll be crushed. He says he wants to meet her parents, and she feels better. They climb the COMPLETELY RANDOM MAYAN TEMPLE THEY JUST HAPPENED TO FIND IN THE JUNGLES OF BELIZE, and as they climb, Courtney says "each step I took I left behind the hurt and drama."
**Jen apparently never finished her Trashlor Recap. And Kel didn't watch the show because she had more important things to do like watching Jeopardy College Tournament. And now Jen is on vacation. So, Rachel (Kel still has no idea who this is) and Emily went home. Next week is the hometown date week. So that should be interesting/boring.
Anyway ... there are six women left or, according to Emily, herself, four other girls and a shark. (The shark would be Courtney.) Chris informed them that there would be three one-on-one dates with no roses up for grabs and a group date with a rose up for grabs. The girl who gets the group date rose would be guaranteed for a hometown date!
Date No. 1: Lindzi. Ben and Lindzi went on a helicopter ride to the Blue Hole. It sounds really dirty, but actually, the Blue Hole is a hole in the ocean that goes 500 feet down. It's surrounded by a coral reef. But, of course, since this is "The Bachelor," they had to jump out of the helicopter. Naturally, Lindzi is afraid of heights, because Ben and/or the producers are assholes that like to terrify the contestants, but she ends up jumping out. They swim around for a while, then go off to eat dinner in the moonlight. But Lindzi can't take her eyes off Ben! *sigh* Romantic!
However, Lindzi tells Ben that she is fighting with the fact that he has 5 other girlfriends. I'm sure she's SO surprised, because it's not like this happens EVERY SINGLE SEASON of this show. But she also tells Ben she's falling for him and thinks he's her Prince Charming. So, naturally, they write a little fairy tale that Ben says ends with an "eternal promise." No, not THAT eternal promise, the one that they're competing for on a televised dating game show. It's an eternal promise to be open and honest with each other.
Then they kiss because, hello! It's Ben!
Date No. 2: Emily. Ben puts Emily on a plane and has her meet him at Caye Caulker. They bike around Belize, sightseeing, and even drinking out of coconuts. How quaint! "I feel like I'm vacation with my boyfriend!" Emily gushes. "If only my boyfriend didn't have five other girlfriends, it would be a perfect day."
They go diving for lobsters for dinner, because they're SUPER SPONTANEOUS Y'ALL! And then they dance and kiss. Courtney, meanwhile, is back at the house talking shit about Emily because she disrespected her. She's "uncomfortable" that he's with Emily.
Emily says she's ready to take the next step with Ben, though she worries that her dust-up with Courtney screwed up their flow. Still, they kiss. Unsurprising.
Date No. 3: Courtney. When the date card arrives, Nikki immediately wants to spring across the room and punch her in the face.
Courtney says she's worried about whether their relationship is going anywhere, but Ben feels a strong connection. They talk as they walk through the jungle, and she frets that their spark might be gone. They "stumble across" a Mayan Temple, and they talk more about their relationship. Maybe the Mayans forsaw this and that's why they made their calendar to have the world end in 2012, except they miscalculated by about 11 months. Darn it, Mayans!
Ben says he's starting to fall for Courtney, and if she doesn't feel the same way, he'll be crushed. He says he wants to meet her parents, and she feels better. They climb the COMPLETELY RANDOM MAYAN TEMPLE THEY JUST HAPPENED TO FIND IN THE JUNGLES OF BELIZE, and as they climb, Courtney says "each step I took I left behind the hurt and drama."
**Jen apparently never finished her Trashlor Recap. And Kel didn't watch the show because she had more important things to do like watching Jeopardy College Tournament. And now Jen is on vacation. So, Rachel (Kel still has no idea who this is) and Emily went home. Next week is the hometown date week. So that should be interesting/boring.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
The Trashelor: Awwwwwwwwkward ...
First things first ... sorry about the fact that the Pop Tarts didn't recap "The Bachelor" last week. Actually, no, we're not that sorry. We were both busy and didn't feel like spending all that time watching and recapping this stupid show.
But now we're back. Or, anyway, I, Jen, am back. Kel went to bed instead of watching this week. Sometimes I doubt her commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Anywho, this week Ben 'n' the Hos went to Panama City, and Ben sees "signs of love in the air." But he was wrong ... there was drama and a heaping dose of awkward.
First up, a one-on-one date with Kacie B. "Will our love survive? Pack three things," the card reads.
Courtney, our own Jessie XX, isn't worried, though. "He might be trying to week out the people he's not sure about," she says.
The pair takes a helicopter over the city and the famed canal, but that's not where Kacie's mind is. "He's holding my hand, I'm there with him, and that's all that matters," she gushes.
The end up getting left on a deserted island called San Blas, and Ben says he hopes they bond but admits he's afraid they'll run out of things to talk about. "It's sand and palm trees, and that is it," he says. Well, that and the camera crews capturing your every move, dear.
Kacie brought a lei or something, a corkscrew and a bag of candy. "Dessert!" Ben crows. He brought a machete, fishing net and matches. Apparently the camera crew brought wine because, before I knew it, they had glasses of wine in their hands. Anyway, they have to catch a fish and cut down coconuts and all that crap. It's more interesting when it's on "Survivor." Ben says it's a good way to find out if they'd work well together and be good partners and all that shiz. After their lunch on the island, they go back to the mainland and have dinner and talk about how Kacie likes to go to the grocery store. Zzzzz ... she better dispense with the small talk. Luckily, she does ... she then admits to Ben that she had an eating disorder when she was in high school. Her admission, and the fact that it helped her develop into a strong women, means that Ben likes her even more now. She gets a rose, and she admits she's falling in love with Ben.
The next day, it's the group date, with Emily, Nikki, Lindzi, Kasey S., Courtney and Jamie. They go boating down the Chagres River in the jungle and then ... amazingly! ... a bunch of tribal children in loincloths just happen to be out playing soccer! They stop and "stumble upon" a village. Ben and the women dress up in tribal clothing, but only Ben and Courtney really get into it - Ben wears a loincloth, and Courtney takes off her swimsuit, causing ABC to have to blur out her boobies the whole time. However, Ben really "appreciates" it.
Courtney is kind of getting the slutty bitch edit right now, but I have to say that I actually like that she is getting into the whole experience. The other girls can be as snobby as they want, but they're all on a skanktastic reality show. Courtney is going for it, and I have to say that I appreciate that.
Anyway, they get back and talk. Ben and Lindzi talk about how Lindzi is easygoing and doesn't like to fight and they kiss. (#whore) Ben tells Courtney he likes that she is assertive and confident, and she gives him her room number. Jamie, meanwhile, admits she hasn't kissed Ben yet (you're doing something wrong, girl!), so she goes and talks to him and says she's going to kiss him. While she's chattering away, Courtney hops in the pool in her bikini, and watching Ben try really hard to concentrate on Jamie instead of staring at Courtney is one of the most hilarious things in the episode. She ends up not being able to kiss him. Emily tells Ben she has another man in her life - the chief of the village they visited. She tells Ben she's sorry for trashing Courtney, and then after she's done with her appointed time with Ben, she goes back and talks to the girls. She apologizes to Courtney, who kind of goes crazy on her, saying, "We will never be friends ... I don't take being disrespected lightly." Sheesh ... just when I was starting to like her.
Anyway, Lindzi gets the rose, pissing off Courtney (she gives great stankface) ... but she still holds out hope that Ben will come visit her in her room. BUT, he doesn't. *sad trombone*
FINALLY, it's the moment I've been waiting for - two-on-one date day! When she found out about the date, Blakely was excited because it's more time with Ben, and Rachel was nervous. I was happy because two-on-one dates, where only one girl gets a rose and the other has to go home, is the second-best scenario on "The Bachelor," the best scenario being straight-up gladiatorial combat.
Blakely and Rachel are learning to salsa dance with Ben. Blakely is the more confident, sexual one, which bothers Rachel because she thinks Blakely is being "tacky." She's worried Ben doesn't see through her. Anyway, they dance badly for a while, with Blakely wrapping her leg around Ben and stuff like that, and they try to break in on each other's dances with Ben.
Then, they go to dinner, which has got to be incredibly awkward. Rachel and Ben break off to talk first. Rachel says that she's "excited to be around you again," but tells Ben she's worried that Blakely moves so fast. She says she "wholeheartedly" wants to be there and wants to stay. They kiss (#whore).
Then, Blakely and Ben talk, and Blakely suddenly admits she's "very nervous." She feels something and starts crying (but without tears!). Then she shows Ben a collage book that she made of words and phrases and photos that remind her of how she feels about Ben. Sweet? Creepy? Whatever it is, Ben is unmoved, and he gives Rachel the rose. Blakely walks out, and Ben follows her to explain. He says he "respects you too much" to bring her through when he has other relationships that are past where they are. She bawls, again with no tears, and Rachel celebrates her rose.
The next day, Chris Harrison shows up at the women's room and grabs Kasey S., who he heard is in love with somebody else. The cardinal sin of "The Bachelor!" Her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/whatever, Michael, told Chris that they were still together and were "practically living together" before she left. She explains that they broke up because he didn't want to get married, then got back together but that she broke up with him. "Maybe I should be in therapy or something," she said. Umm, yes. You all should. She wants to give up hope about getting back with Michael and she wants to get married, but she doesn't know what she feels. So, Chris makes her go talk to Ben.
Ben tells Kasey that he wishes she would have been more open and honest with him because he sent other girls home who wanted to be there. He decides that she should go home, and there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth. The girls are all shocked, giving them a chance to show the girls with their mouths hanging open like trout. Tee hee.
It's cocktail party time, then, and Chris Harrison tells the women, "This might change your conversations with Ben. I hope it does."
The only thing of note at the cocktail party is Jamie's delightful last-ditch effort to woo Ben. She straddles him and kisses him, then gets really giggly and starts talking super fast between kisses. She tells him that it's still not the way she wanted the kiss to go, so she starts instructing him on how to kiss and whose mouth should be open and whose should be closed. I can't even describe how hilariously awkward it is. Seriously, just go find a clip.
Alas, the kissing lesson didn't work, and the additional roses go to Nikki, Courtney and Emily (Kacie, Lindzi and Rachel had them already). Bye-bye, awkward Jamie. I hope you find a bad kisser who appreciates your instruction.
Next week ... drama in Belize!
But now we're back. Or, anyway, I, Jen, am back. Kel went to bed instead of watching this week. Sometimes I doubt her commitment to Sparkle Motion.
Anywho, this week Ben 'n' the Hos went to Panama City, and Ben sees "signs of love in the air." But he was wrong ... there was drama and a heaping dose of awkward.
First up, a one-on-one date with Kacie B. "Will our love survive? Pack three things," the card reads.
Courtney, our own Jessie XX, isn't worried, though. "He might be trying to week out the people he's not sure about," she says.
The pair takes a helicopter over the city and the famed canal, but that's not where Kacie's mind is. "He's holding my hand, I'm there with him, and that's all that matters," she gushes.
The end up getting left on a deserted island called San Blas, and Ben says he hopes they bond but admits he's afraid they'll run out of things to talk about. "It's sand and palm trees, and that is it," he says. Well, that and the camera crews capturing your every move, dear.
Kacie brought a lei or something, a corkscrew and a bag of candy. "Dessert!" Ben crows. He brought a machete, fishing net and matches. Apparently the camera crew brought wine because, before I knew it, they had glasses of wine in their hands. Anyway, they have to catch a fish and cut down coconuts and all that crap. It's more interesting when it's on "Survivor." Ben says it's a good way to find out if they'd work well together and be good partners and all that shiz. After their lunch on the island, they go back to the mainland and have dinner and talk about how Kacie likes to go to the grocery store. Zzzzz ... she better dispense with the small talk. Luckily, she does ... she then admits to Ben that she had an eating disorder when she was in high school. Her admission, and the fact that it helped her develop into a strong women, means that Ben likes her even more now. She gets a rose, and she admits she's falling in love with Ben.
The next day, it's the group date, with Emily, Nikki, Lindzi, Kasey S., Courtney and Jamie. They go boating down the Chagres River in the jungle and then ... amazingly! ... a bunch of tribal children in loincloths just happen to be out playing soccer! They stop and "stumble upon" a village. Ben and the women dress up in tribal clothing, but only Ben and Courtney really get into it - Ben wears a loincloth, and Courtney takes off her swimsuit, causing ABC to have to blur out her boobies the whole time. However, Ben really "appreciates" it.
Courtney is kind of getting the slutty bitch edit right now, but I have to say that I actually like that she is getting into the whole experience. The other girls can be as snobby as they want, but they're all on a skanktastic reality show. Courtney is going for it, and I have to say that I appreciate that.
Anyway, they get back and talk. Ben and Lindzi talk about how Lindzi is easygoing and doesn't like to fight and they kiss. (#whore) Ben tells Courtney he likes that she is assertive and confident, and she gives him her room number. Jamie, meanwhile, admits she hasn't kissed Ben yet (you're doing something wrong, girl!), so she goes and talks to him and says she's going to kiss him. While she's chattering away, Courtney hops in the pool in her bikini, and watching Ben try really hard to concentrate on Jamie instead of staring at Courtney is one of the most hilarious things in the episode. She ends up not being able to kiss him. Emily tells Ben she has another man in her life - the chief of the village they visited. She tells Ben she's sorry for trashing Courtney, and then after she's done with her appointed time with Ben, she goes back and talks to the girls. She apologizes to Courtney, who kind of goes crazy on her, saying, "We will never be friends ... I don't take being disrespected lightly." Sheesh ... just when I was starting to like her.
Anyway, Lindzi gets the rose, pissing off Courtney (she gives great stankface) ... but she still holds out hope that Ben will come visit her in her room. BUT, he doesn't. *sad trombone*
FINALLY, it's the moment I've been waiting for - two-on-one date day! When she found out about the date, Blakely was excited because it's more time with Ben, and Rachel was nervous. I was happy because two-on-one dates, where only one girl gets a rose and the other has to go home, is the second-best scenario on "The Bachelor," the best scenario being straight-up gladiatorial combat.
Blakely and Rachel are learning to salsa dance with Ben. Blakely is the more confident, sexual one, which bothers Rachel because she thinks Blakely is being "tacky." She's worried Ben doesn't see through her. Anyway, they dance badly for a while, with Blakely wrapping her leg around Ben and stuff like that, and they try to break in on each other's dances with Ben.
Then, they go to dinner, which has got to be incredibly awkward. Rachel and Ben break off to talk first. Rachel says that she's "excited to be around you again," but tells Ben she's worried that Blakely moves so fast. She says she "wholeheartedly" wants to be there and wants to stay. They kiss (#whore).
Then, Blakely and Ben talk, and Blakely suddenly admits she's "very nervous." She feels something and starts crying (but without tears!). Then she shows Ben a collage book that she made of words and phrases and photos that remind her of how she feels about Ben. Sweet? Creepy? Whatever it is, Ben is unmoved, and he gives Rachel the rose. Blakely walks out, and Ben follows her to explain. He says he "respects you too much" to bring her through when he has other relationships that are past where they are. She bawls, again with no tears, and Rachel celebrates her rose.
The next day, Chris Harrison shows up at the women's room and grabs Kasey S., who he heard is in love with somebody else. The cardinal sin of "The Bachelor!" Her boyfriend/ex-boyfriend/whatever, Michael, told Chris that they were still together and were "practically living together" before she left. She explains that they broke up because he didn't want to get married, then got back together but that she broke up with him. "Maybe I should be in therapy or something," she said. Umm, yes. You all should. She wants to give up hope about getting back with Michael and she wants to get married, but she doesn't know what she feels. So, Chris makes her go talk to Ben.
Ben tells Kasey that he wishes she would have been more open and honest with him because he sent other girls home who wanted to be there. He decides that she should go home, and there is much wailing and gnashing of teeth. The girls are all shocked, giving them a chance to show the girls with their mouths hanging open like trout. Tee hee.
It's cocktail party time, then, and Chris Harrison tells the women, "This might change your conversations with Ben. I hope it does."
The only thing of note at the cocktail party is Jamie's delightful last-ditch effort to woo Ben. She straddles him and kisses him, then gets really giggly and starts talking super fast between kisses. She tells him that it's still not the way she wanted the kiss to go, so she starts instructing him on how to kiss and whose mouth should be open and whose should be closed. I can't even describe how hilariously awkward it is. Seriously, just go find a clip.
Alas, the kissing lesson didn't work, and the additional roses go to Nikki, Courtney and Emily (Kacie, Lindzi and Rachel had them already). Bye-bye, awkward Jamie. I hope you find a bad kisser who appreciates your instruction.
Next week ... drama in Belize!
Monday, February 6, 2012
The Middle Finger Malfunction
I did not watch any part of the Super Bowl. Not the game, not the commercials, not the half-time show. Morning after the game I heard about one thing and one thing only. No, not the winners of the game, nor the best commercials, nor what Madonna sounded like. I heard about M.I.A. flipping off a camera. And apparently this is The Worst Thing That Has Ever Happened...at least since Janet Jackson showed her nipple.
Personally, someone giving the middle finger does not bother me. Though to be fair, Janet's nipple didn't really bother me either. But the backlash has been amazing! NBC and the NFL have both apologized while making sure to blame the other group for the non-blurring of a finger. NBC claims they tried to blur it but were just slightly too late and really it is the NFL's fault because they hired and produced the show. The NFL claims that NBC should have been on the blur button quicker. Also, the NFL called the gesture "obscene" while NBC called it only inappropriate.The PTC (I really want to call them the PTA) claims this is the worst thing ever. My favorite of all of the coverage...Entertainment Weekly showed the picture unedited.
I want to focus on two things about M.I.A.'s finger malfunction (also, calling it a Middle Finger Malfunction is genius and hilarious; thank you random person quoted on EW.com and CNN.com for that). First, why is this a big deal? It wasn't meant as a big statement or anti- anything. It was an artist getting into her performance who may have made a bad judgement call. Also, she is from the UK where as far as I can tell, that really isn't a big deal at all. Let's call it a misjudgement of the situation. Secondly, I want to discuss the use of the word "obscene". Obscene is defined as disgusting to the senses; abhorrent to morality or virtue. Obscenity is one of those "I know it when I see it" words; there is no obscenity scale. I object to the use of the word obscene in context with someone flipping someone or something off. It could be constituted as inappropriate for sure. You wouldn't walk into a meeting with coworkers and flip them off, nor would you walk into a room of third graders and flip them off. There is a time and a place...like when someone cuts you off on the highway or when your computer deletes an important file or when your friend makes a smart ass remark to you. There is nothing disgusting about a middle finger nor is M.I.A flipping off the camera hurting the morality of the country.
And on one last note, even if the finger that shall not be named had been blurred, does that change the act? No. Everyone still would have known what finger was raised.
Where you offended by M.I.A's finger? Do you find the gesture to be obscene? Would you prefered to have seen someone's nipple again?
Personally, someone giving the middle finger does not bother me. Though to be fair, Janet's nipple didn't really bother me either. But the backlash has been amazing! NBC and the NFL have both apologized while making sure to blame the other group for the non-blurring of a finger. NBC claims they tried to blur it but were just slightly too late and really it is the NFL's fault because they hired and produced the show. The NFL claims that NBC should have been on the blur button quicker. Also, the NFL called the gesture "obscene" while NBC called it only inappropriate.The PTC (I really want to call them the PTA) claims this is the worst thing ever. My favorite of all of the coverage...Entertainment Weekly showed the picture unedited.
I want to focus on two things about M.I.A.'s finger malfunction (also, calling it a Middle Finger Malfunction is genius and hilarious; thank you random person quoted on EW.com and CNN.com for that). First, why is this a big deal? It wasn't meant as a big statement or anti- anything. It was an artist getting into her performance who may have made a bad judgement call. Also, she is from the UK where as far as I can tell, that really isn't a big deal at all. Let's call it a misjudgement of the situation. Secondly, I want to discuss the use of the word "obscene". Obscene is defined as disgusting to the senses; abhorrent to morality or virtue. Obscenity is one of those "I know it when I see it" words; there is no obscenity scale. I object to the use of the word obscene in context with someone flipping someone or something off. It could be constituted as inappropriate for sure. You wouldn't walk into a meeting with coworkers and flip them off, nor would you walk into a room of third graders and flip them off. There is a time and a place...like when someone cuts you off on the highway or when your computer deletes an important file or when your friend makes a smart ass remark to you. There is nothing disgusting about a middle finger nor is M.I.A flipping off the camera hurting the morality of the country.
And on one last note, even if the finger that shall not be named had been blurred, does that change the act? No. Everyone still would have known what finger was raised.
Where you offended by M.I.A's finger? Do you find the gesture to be obscene? Would you prefered to have seen someone's nipple again?
Lickability Study: Vin Diesel vs. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
Last week, The Pop Tarts got into a conversation about the lickability of various celebrities.
It's not our fault! Honestly!
We both read the wonderful blog of Tom & Lorenzo, which, if you don't read it, you DEFINITELY should because it's fabulous! Anyway, last week they were writing about photos of Henry Cavill and called him "downright lickable."
Thus, a slightly creepy, yet highly amusing, idea was born: The Lickability Study.
Each week, or whenever we remember to do it, we will post two celebrities and discuss their lickability factor.
For our lick-off kick-off ... Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson vs. Vin Diesel.
Kel would lick: The Rock. He is super cute and is of some sort of islandy heritage/mixed race. He also seems genuinely sweet and always tweets inspirational things along the lines of kicking serious ass. Also, have you seen his muscles? Really? Nothing against Vin Diesel, but The Rock is infinitely more lickable!
Jen would lick: Vin Diesel. He is a hottie, with a great veneer of super toughness, but also obviously a real sweet side underneath. Also, he is totally built. And he plays Dungeons & Dragons, which, let's face it, is totally cool. I am a huge fan of The Rock as well, but Vin Diesel has the edge for me.
Now it is time for you, our faithfulreaders reader mom, to cast your vote. Who do you find more lickable? And please do vote. Here at Pop Tarts Inc., we are amazingly competitive and really want to win the lickability competition by having the most people agree with us.
It's not our fault! Honestly!
We both read the wonderful blog of Tom & Lorenzo, which, if you don't read it, you DEFINITELY should because it's fabulous! Anyway, last week they were writing about photos of Henry Cavill and called him "downright lickable."
Thus, a slightly creepy, yet highly amusing, idea was born: The Lickability Study.
Each week, or whenever we remember to do it, we will post two celebrities and discuss their lickability factor.
For our lick-off kick-off ... Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson vs. Vin Diesel.
 | ||
| "You want to lick me? Sure, baby!" |
 |
| "Thumbs up for licking me!" |
Jen would lick: Vin Diesel. He is a hottie, with a great veneer of super toughness, but also obviously a real sweet side underneath. Also, he is totally built. And he plays Dungeons & Dragons, which, let's face it, is totally cool. I am a huge fan of The Rock as well, but Vin Diesel has the edge for me.
Now it is time for you, our faithful
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